Chapter 17.1

The team moved westward. As they passed a smaller city, searchers went deep within to search for resources. Ever since entering the city, however, Han Yanyan noticed that Ding Yao had been looking in a certain direction.

He was obviously familiar with the city and directed the motorcade to several big shopping malls to collect materials. Then he directed them to a residential area.

Han Yanyan followed him into a building and climbed the stairs to the 19th floor. Ding Yao seemed to know the way well. The door to the apartment on the 19th floor was locked – he touched his trouser pocket, then paused and kicked the door open.

The apartment within was a two-bedroom, decorated tastefully in a masculine style. It was fairly tidy, so the owner must not have been very flustered when he left.

Ding Yao stood in the living room for a while and then went to the bedroom. Standing before the enormous bay windows of the bedroom, he lit a cigarette.

Han Yanyan stood outside the bedroom door and watched his back. As if suddenly realizing something, she said, “This is…”

“My home,” Ding Yao answered.

As I thought.

Han Yanyan did not leave, nor did she come forward. She gave Ding Yao space. He finished smoking his cigarette as he looked out the window, then threw the butt onto the solid wood floor and twisted it out with his foot, seemingly not caring at all.

“Come here,” he said.

Han Yanyan walked over. He pointed to something in the distance. “Do you see that skyscraper over there, the tallest one?”

She squinted. “That one?”

“Yes. It’s in the most prosperous part of the city and takes no more than half an hour to get there from here. It’s considered the best office building in the city,” he told her. “I worked in a cubicle on the 31st floor. I had just been promoted to department director at the time…”

Han Yanyan wanted to hear what came after, but Ding Yao’s words came to an abrupt end. She waited a moment, then turned to look at him. His gaze had returned to the towering skyscraper in the distance, and his eyes, when she looked in them, were deep and serene and unfathomable.

She couldn’t help but touch his hand and whisper, “…what’s the matter?”

“It’s my own past…” Ding Yao was silent for a long time, staring at the distant office building. “But it feels like someone else’s life.”

He took her and asked, “Have you ever felt this way?”

“Huh? What way? ” Han Yanyan asked, puzzled.

“As if… you’re trapped?” Ding Yao said. He looked her in the eye, as if seriously seeking an answer.

She looked back, startled.

Ding Yao saw her expression, and his eyes flashed with disappointment. He let go of her hand and gave up asking her for answers. Instead, he turned his head to look back out the window  at the silent skyline and the dead city, his eyes deep and quiet. Looking into the distance meditatively, he muttered to himself, “It feels like my whole life… nothing is somehow quite right.”

Having said that, Ding Yao was silent for a moment before turning to leave. Then out of nowhere, Han Yanyan grabbed his hand.

Ding Yao looked back at her, frowning a little.

Han Yanyan took a deep breath. “Do you feel… trapped by this world?”

Ding Yao felt like he was trapped, but Han Yanyan actually knew that she was, and that she might die if she didn’t finish this task.

She looked at him and couldn’t help but wonder, But what about Ding Yao? Is he truly a native of this world? But if so, then why was he her mission target? If it hadn’t been for…

Han Yanyan saw a clear flash of light in his eyes.

“Why do you say so?” he approached.

She dared not say.

Her life hung in the balance. Even if Ding Yao was a stranger trapped here like her, even if the robotic voice might be plotting against him, Han Yanyan couldn’t tell him the truth.

She bit her lip and said, “I often feel that like I don’t belong to this world, as if everything around me is false. But if I’m in a dream, then the dream is too realistic, reminding me that this can’t be a dream, that this world is real.”

Ding Yao listened carefully to every word.

He brought his hand to her face, then bowed his head to kiss her lips. “Me too.”

Ever since that day when the corpse emperor appeared, there had been a constant barrage of mutants out to kill them. They hadn’t had sex for a long time. Here in his own home, Ding Yao felt a sudden surge of desire. He reached out and picked her up…

Han Yanyan knelt on the deep windowsill, her hands pressed against the glass. The heat generated by their bodies covered it with a layer of fog. Behind, Ding Yao slammed forward into her, and her hand slipped.

Through the clear patch on the window, Han Yanyan looked out on the city. Zombies moved stiffly through the streets, and scavengers dug about like rats. Superhumans battled against mutants, causing houses to explode or collapse. All around them, the weak ran and hid.

What a ridiculous world. This was the world trapping her and Ding Yao. To end all of this, Han Yanyan thought, all she had to do was to complete her task. She had already figured out how.

Ding Yao pulled out at the last second. Not getting a woman pregnant was a man’s last kindness in this mad world. Han Yanyan’s body felt empty, and so did her heart.

She had no regrets for having invested her true feelings into this world. She only agonized over the unknown that would come after everything was over.

Over the next period of time, Han Yanyan’s powers grew rapidly.

Though the Corpse Emperor never showed up again, its pursuit of Ding Yao meant that they were constantly under attack by mutants. Such high-intensity battle stimulated the growth of her abilities constantly.

By the time the autumn leaves turned yellow, Han Yanyan had taken the place of the former Zhang Youquan as the most powerful ice wielder in the team.

Ding Yao witnessed her changes with his own eyes. Only he knew that no matter how hard the battle she experienced during the day, so long as the camp was safe she would use her powers every night until she hit her limit.

He looked on as her fingers trembled with the pain in her body and brain. He saw with his own eyes her face like paper and her weak breath as she slid into a deep coma. He picked up her hand. It was fair and slender, but it had lost the temperature of the human body due to having condensed too much ice.

While she lay there comatose, Ding Yao held her hand and watched her.

The next day, Han Yanyan woke up in his arms. She did not move, but merely leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes once more…

Han Yanyan sure thinks about some morbid stuff while in the thick of things. ???? Enjoy this next one! We’re near the climax (ha) of this world so I’m pretty excited.

This week I once again tried my hand (eye?) at reading Anathem. My fiancé likes Neal Stephenson very much and recommended it to me.

And I have to say… I just cannot. My eyes glaze over. I like the idea of monks vs. aliens very much, and I’ve always thought that I enjoyed doorstopper novels, but the dude is just sooo long-winded and half the novel is words I don’t understand. It’s like learning a whole new language. If I’m learning a new language I might as well translate another chapter!