Chapter 125 - FAQ -- More like a messed-up interview but shh --

So this little messed-up interview is the inksgiving reward for T.apas! I'm sharing it with you here too ~

Question # 1

Host, "What's the dumbest thing you've ever done thinking it would end up ok?"

Misha, "Hmm. It's hard to say."

Host, "Why?"

Gabriel, "Well, he has done quite a lot of stupid things, so give him some time to think. Picking the worst example may take a while."

Misha, "You're the one doing stupid things! All the time, every day!"

Gabriel, "Yes, yes."

Misha, "While I'm busy thinking, go ahead and answer the question first, smartass."

Gabriel, "Everyone does stupid things once in a while. No need to be so fierce about it."

Misha, "Shut up and answer!"

Gabriel, "Ok, ok. I was around seven years old and I had been told not to touch the stove burner because I could burn my hand. So, I thought that if I wasn't touching it directly, I could maybe get away with it."

Misha, "And?"

Gabriel, "I discovered very quickly that paper sheets are not very effective for thermal insulation."

Misha, "Pfft!"

Gabriel, "And what about you? Did you choose one?"

Misha, "Yep, Russian roulette was probably the dumbest one. At the time, I was a bit drunk and hanging out with friends, and like idiots, we were shooting each other with air guns for shit and giggles. I can't recall why, but it got boring after a while, so I decided to play Russian roulette. It's a game of chance, so of course I didn't think I would be unlucky enough to actually shoot myself."

Gabriel, "What happened next?"

Misha, "I forgot to spin the cylinder."

Gabriel and Host, "…"

Misha, "You should have seen the nurse's face when I tried to explain I had a bullet in my head. It was quite priceless."

Gabriel, "And how old were you when that happened?"

Misha, "Not telling."

Question # 2

Host, "What is the weirdest dream you ever had?"

Gabriel, "I rarely dream, sorry."

Misha, "Boring."

Gabriel, "Yes, yes, I am Boredom incarnate. So, what's yours?"

Misha, "Unlike you, I dream a lot, so it's hard to tell. But I must admit there's a bizarre one I just can't seem to forget. I call it The Spoon Killer Alien."

Gabriel, "…The Spoon Killer Alien?"

Misha, "Yeah. In that dream, I was with Masha in a forest of tall red pines. We were running away from your stereotypical greenish-gray Alien, you know, those with an oversized head and big, dark, round eyes. But instead of using futuristic weapons, it attacked us with regular spoons, throwing them like knives. I was running in front, and when I glanced over my shoulder to look at my sister, she had a spoon sticking out of her forehead. The handle was still bouncing, yet Masha didn't seem to notice at all and kept on blabbing about who knew what. It was a disturbing sight."

Gabriel, "Sounds more like a nightmare than a dream, if you ask me."

Misha, "Nah. My nightmares are far worse than that."

Gabriel, "If you say so. By the way, did you eat something before going to bed?"

Misha, "Well, maybe one cookie."

Misha, "Ok, maybe two."

Gabriel stares.

Misha, "Fine! Three!"

Gabriel, "Next time, don't snack before going to bed."

Misha, "Yes, mom."

Question # 3

Host, "Did something you were cooking ever catch on fire?"

Gabriel, "Not in my case."

Misha, "Trust me, you burnt lots and lots of things while learning how to cook in my past life."

Gabriel, "And as you said, that was in your previous life, which I have no memory of. Therefore, it doesn't count."

Misha, "Yes it does! Not only did you almost burn down the kitchen several times, but I also had to swallow food burnt beyond recognition! Daily! I am not letting you get away with that."

Gabriel, "…Alright, let me correct myself. The answer is yes."

Misha nods in satisfaction.

Gabriel, "What about you?"

Misha, "Nothing caught on fire, but I did burn a few things when I started to cook, especially rice."

Gabriel stares.

Misha, "…Well, that one time when I was still half-asleep, I may have left a dozen eggs on the stove burner. And the stove was maybe kind of left turned on. The eggs exploded, and there were bits and pieces all over the place. But there wasn't technically a fire, so it truly doesn't count in my case."

Host, "That must have been a real mess to clean up."

Misha, "It must have been! But I don't really know 'cause I called Dereck over to clean it for me. His housework skills are quite amazing, you know?"

Gabriel, "Skills he has you to thank for, I'm sure."

Misha looks away.

Question # 4

Host, "For what reason are you most likely to be arrested according to your friends and family?"

Misha, "Too many things, I bet. Naming them all would take forever, so let's just ask instead. What would you go with, Gaby?"

Gabriel, "Like you said, too many things. For starters, one of your infamous pranks might have gone wrong. You also could have snapped and sent a few people to the nearest hospital. Obstruction of justice also comes to mind. You seem very likely to worsen your case with the authorities."

Misha, "If I blow up, the cop probably triggered me in the first place."

Gabriel, "Yes, of course."

Misha, "You don't seem very convinced."

Gabriel, "It's your imagination. Now it's my turn. What am I most likely to be arrested for in your opinion?"

Misha, "For murdering your stepmother, or your father, or your half-brother… Maybe even the three of them."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "What? I can't stand these jerks. They'd be buried in the courtyard by now if I were you."

Gabriel, "You know, taking into account that the missing persons' house and property are the first places where officers would look, the courtyard is not exactly the best option to dispose of their bodies."

Misha, "So you have a better idea?"

Gabriel, "I am not answering this."

Question # 5

Host, "If you could ask your pet three questions, what would they be?"

Misha, "I don't have a pet."

Gabriel, "Me neither."

Host, "Just imagine that you have one, what would you ask?"

Misha, "Can't imagine it. So, let's pretend I'd be asking Dereck's dog instead, his pug. That works, right?"

Host, "Yes."

Misha, "Great! Then, firstly, why do you always shit and pee on the carpet? Secondly, why do you eat your food like a madman? It's not like we're gonna steal it. Thirdly, why the hell do you run away every time you see my face?! Do I look like the fuċkɨnġ plague or something?? It's vexing!"

Gabriel, "Did you do something to scare it away?"

Misha, "Nothing much. I just hung it on a door once, with duct tape."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "I had to use two rolls, by the way."

Gabriel, "And why did you do that?"

Misha, "No idea. I was around thirteen, so it probably seemed like a fun thing to do."

Gabriel, "You know, if I were that dog, I would also avoid you like the plague."

Misha, "But come on! It got a ton of treats afterward!"

Gabriel, "That's not the problem here."

Host, "Ahem. We're straying from the subject. What about you, Gabriel? What would you ask?"

Gabriel, "If I could choose, I would question my stepmother's cat. It has probably witnessed many interesting events. Nobody watches their words in front of a pet after all."

Misha, "What if you have a parrot?"

Gabriel, "…You get the point."

Host, "Can you be more specific with said questions?"

Gabriel, "No, I can't, sorry."

Host, "Why not?"

Gabriel, "Spoilers."

Host, "Ha."

Question # 6

Host, "Which combination of items is more likely to make a cashier uncomfortable in your opinion?"

Misha, "Easy. A cucumber, a zucchini, a banana, an eggplant, a bottle of oil, and ċȯndȯms."

Gabriel, "This seems oddly specific. Why do I feel like that's inspired by real-life events?"

Misha, "Weeeeell, you see, I kind of made a bet with friends a long time ago."

Gabriel, "Which was?"

Misha, "First one to embarrass the cashier wins."

Gabriel, "Did you win?"

Misha, "Yup. You should have seen the girl's face when I brought these items to the checkout counter. Even her neck turned bright red."

Gabriel, "…You can't blame her. Anyone in her situation would have their imagination run wild after seeing what you bought."

Misha, "The other clients did stare at me with funny faces too. It was quite a sight."

Gabriel, "I would have loved to see that."

Misha, "Right?"

Host coughs. "And what about you, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "Ropes, duck tapes, tie wraps, plastic gloves, a black hood, a tarpaulin, a hunting knife, and a bone saw."

Misha, "…Aren't you afraid they're going to call the cops?"

Gabriel, "As long as I don't commit any crimes, what could the police do? They can't arrest me on the hypothesis that I may commit a crime because of what I bought. Worst-case scenario, I can also just come clean about the bet."

Misha, "Would they believe that?"

Gabriel, "Surely. In any case, if I wanted to commit a crime, I wouldn't be that obvious about it. Only a fool would buy everything at once in the same place."

Misha, "…True."

Question # 7

Host, "Would you rather eat a bowl full of crickets or a bowl full of worms?"

Misha, "Ha. Gabriel is about to faint."

Gabriel, "No, I'm fine."

Misha, "Says the guy paler than a ghost."

Gabriel, "…Could you answer first, please?"

Misha, "Sure. But first, I do have some questions for our dear host. Can I roast the bugs? Can I add a few spices? Or herbs? Or maybe yogurt? Can I make candies with them? Or do I have to eat them raw?"

Host, "Let's say raw, or else the challenge won't be harsh enough."

Misha, "Are they at least washed? I don't want to eat dirt on top of that."

Host, "Yes, of course."

Misha, "Then the bowl of worms. They're gonna twist in my mouth, but I'm sure the feeling won't be as bad as the crickets' feet crawling on my tongue."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "Oh, Gabriel ran away. Think he left to puke?"

Host, "… Did you deliberately describe the feeling of eating bugs to disgust him?"

Misha, "Your guess."

Question # 8

Host, "Who was your favorite teacher? Why?"

Gabriel, "My math teacher, first year of high school. He taught us more than the required curriculum, plus he had a really good way of explaining things. Because of this, the final exams were a breeze for many people in my class, me included."

Host, "I see. What about you, Misha?"

Misha plays deaf.

Host, "Misha? Can you answer the question, please?"

Misha, "…It was Gabriel."

Gabriel, "Is it me, or are your cheeks a little red?"

Misha, "Shut up!"

Host, coughing, "And why?"

Misha, "Well, he always took his time to teach me what I didn't understand. He never raised his voice nor scolded me for my bad grades when I did my best. He was patient, and his lessons were easier to understand than my school teacher's. He also never lost his temper nor treated me like I was stupid. So, you know? It's kind of nice when someone doesn't take you for a fool just because you don't understand something."

Host, "I hope your cheeks don't hurt too much, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "Hm? No, not really."

Misha, "Stop smiling! You look like an idiot! Are you deaf!!?? I said, stop!"

Gabriel, "Oh my, your cheeks are getting even redder."

Misha, "SHUT UP!"

Question # 9

Host, "Who was your less favorite teacher? Why?"

Misha, "Gabriel!!!"

Gabriel, "You were quick to answer this time."

Misha, "What? Did I hurt your feelings?"

Gabriel, "Who knows? But I admit that I would like to know why, especially since I'm also your favorite teacher. It's quite the contradiction."

Misha, "It's because you're so damn strict! And when it came down to my studies, you were a nag! It was impossible to slack off with you on my back."

Gabriel, "…I don't think it's a bad thing. Well, it's not like I can defend myself because it happened in your previous life, and I have no memories of teaching you, but I'm sure I did it with only your best interest in mind."

Misha, "Hmpf."

Host coughs. "What about you, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "I don't remember her name, but it was a teacher in my third year of primary school. She always put me on a pedestal to berate other children. My classmates hated me as a result."

Misha, "See, it pays to have a bad brain! She wouldn't have taken you as an example if you were like me."

Gabriel, "If I had a bad brain, I wouldn't have been able to help you with your own studies in your past life."

Misha, "Well, pretending to be an idiot is also a thing. You're stupidly good at playing the fool, after all."

Gabriel, "Thank you."

Misha, "…It wasn't a compliment!"

Question # 10

Host, "What is the craziest thing you have done while drunk?"

Misha, "Climb an electricity pylon."

Gabriel, "...You seem like a real danger to yourself when you're drunk."

Misha, "Well, I was in my teens, and I didn't know you could get grilled to death after climbing an electricity pylon, so it seemed like a safe thing to do."

Gabriel, "Let's put aside the hundreds of thousand volts that pass through it and talk about its height for a second. Don't you know how high it is? What if you had fallen? It would most likely have resulted in your death."

Misha, "Not necessarily…"

Gabriel, "If you survive such a fall, your body will be in a sorry state no matter what."

Misha, "Oh, come on! Nothing happened in the end, so stop nagging."

Gabriel, "That's because you were lucky for a change! Seriously, never do that again. It's bad for my heart."

Misha, "Got it, mom. Now, let's hear your story. You're preaching, but it's not like you've never done anything crazy while drunk. I won't believe you if you say otherwise."

Gabriel, "I'm sorry to disappoint, but unlike others, I do retain some of my self-control no matter how much I drink. As such, I tend not to do anything that could cost me my life. I really don't have any extravagant stories to tell."

Misha, "Are you going to answer the question or not?"

Gabriel, "I fought with a classmate."

Misha, "That's not what I would call crazy."

Gabriel, "I broke his nose, right arm, and left foot. I also yanked out his earrings, tearing his earlobes, among other things."

Misha, "…What the hell did he do to anger you?"

Gabriel, "He was bothering Masha in a very inappropriate way."

Misha, "You should have castrated him."

Host, "…" Scary, so scary.

Question # 11

Host, "If you could choose any of your friends to become your parent, who would they be?"

Misha, "Dereck. He already pretty much acts like my mom."

Host, "And for your father?"

Misha, "Also Dereck. I'm pretty sure he can fill both roles no problem."

Gabriel, "You're lucky to have him as a friend, you know?"

Misha, "Yeah, I know."

Gabriel, "It's reassuring to know that he has always been there to keep an eye on you, or else I'm afraid you would have done even more stupid things."

Misha, "Who said he didn't do them with me?"

Gabriel, "Wasn't he trying to stop you at the same time?"

Misha, "How do you know!?"

Gabriel, "Well, it's obvious."

Misha, "…"

Gabriel, "In my case, any of my friends would do the job. It's hard to do worse than my stepmother or my father, after all."

Misha, "That's kind of depressing."

Gabriel, "But it's the truth."

Misha, "Then, how about choosing me?"

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "Don't give me that look!"

Gabriel, "How could you ȧssume the role of a parent if you're already struggling to take care of yourself?"

Misha, "I can cook and do the chores, unlike a certain someone."

Gabriel, "…You win."

Question # 12

Host, "If animals could talk, which would be the rudest?"

Misha, "Cats. Definitely cats. They are already super snobbish, always looking down on you, so can you imagine if they could talk? I wouldn't be surprised if they ordered humans around like servants."

Gabriel, "You seem to have a bad opinion of cats."

Misha, "They never let me pet them!"

Gabriel, "Oh, I see."

Misha, "?"

Gabriel, "You're pouting."

Misha, "No, I'm not!"

Gabriel, "Yes, you are."

Misha, "Fine! Let's hear your answer, then."

Gabriel, "Sure. I would say llamas."

Misha, "Eh? Why? Did a llama spit on your face?"

Gabriel, "No, not on me per se, but it did spit on your sister when we went to the zoo. We stopped near their cage, and unfortunately, Masha had her mouth open and ended up swallowing some of its spit. Didn't taste very good, apparently."

Misha, "You're right. Llamas are the rudest. They deserve to be beaten up."

Gabriel, "Agreed."

Host, "…"

Question # 13

Host, "What would be the absolute worst name you could give to your child?"

Misha, "MDMA"

Gabriel, "… MDMA? Why not cannabis?"

Misha, "'Cause I want the kid to be happy, duh. I'm not that heartless."

Gabriel, "Fair enough."

Misha, "And you?"

Gabriel, "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis."

Misha, "Can you repeat that?"

Gabriel, "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis."

Misha, "What the hell is that?"

Gabriel, "The longest English word registered in a dictionary. It's the disease of silicosis."

Misha, "What's silicosis?"

Gabriel, "No idea."

Misha, "…"

Gabriel, "If you cheat a little, longer English words exist, but it would take forever to say them, like the chemical name of titin. It takes at least two to three hours to recite it. As such, it would be a pain to write it on the child's certificate of birth, so let's stick with Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis."

Misha, "How much must you hate your kid to name them Pneumon—, Pneumou—, well, that!?"

Gabriel, "Surely a lot."

Misha, "…I have to admit your naming-sense is awful, very, very awful."

Gabriel, "I don't want to hear that from someone who would name their child after a drug."

Misha, "At the very least, everyone can pronounce it."

Gabriel, "You can always shorten Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis to a nickname, like Pneumo."

Misha, "That still sounds awful."

Gabriel, "Thank you."

Misha, "You're welcome."

Question # 14

Host, "What is your favorite color?"

Misha, "What? Did I hear you wrong, or is that a normal question for once?"

Host, "Would you rather I ask what the color of your undėrwėȧr is?"

Misha, "Perv'."

Gabriel nods.

Misha, "Mine is dark blue, though."

Gabriel, "…You weren't supposed to give a serious answer to that."

Misha, "Why? It's only the color of my undėrwėȧr. It's not like I'm showing it off for everyone to see. Anyway, what's yours?"

Gabriel, "You do realize how perverted that sounds?"

Misha, "Ah? What are you saying? It's just unfair if I'm the only one revealing it!"

Gabriel, "But that's not really the question at hand, and you said it on your own volition. It has nothing to do with me."

Misha, "Shut up and say it."

Gabriel, "…Black."

Misha, "Tsk. So conservative. Why not pink?"

Gabriel, "Why would I wear pink undėrwėȧr?"

Misha, "Why the heck not?"

Host coughs.

Misha, "What? Are your undėrwėȧr pink or something?"

Host, "No, it's not that, but...."

Misha, "Then what?"

Host, "I would like it if you also answered the real question."

Misha, "Fine. Green."

Gabriel, "Blue."

Question # 15

Host, "What is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger on the street?"

Misha, "You look tasty."

Gabriel, "Are you a vampire?"

Misha, "Nan, a werewolf. It's cooler. Your turn."

Gabriel, "I know where you live."

Misha, "Good for you."

Gabriel, "Your turn."

Misha, "I have a lovely bone saw at home."

Gabriel, "Can I borrow it?"

Misha, "No! Your turn."

Gabriel, "I know your secret."

Misha, "Which one?"

Gabriel, "All of them. Your turn."

Misha, "I know what you do in the dark."

Gabriel, "Since when did you have enough money to buy night vision binoculars?"

Misha, "Who says they are mine? Your turn."

Gabriel, "Your eye sockets would look better without eyes."

Misha, "You got weird tastes, dude."

Gabriel, "Thank you."

Host, "…What are you doing?"

Misha, "Saying creepy things to each other. Got a problem with that?"

Host, "No, not at all. Please, continue."

Question # 16

Host, "What are some fun ways to answer the everyday question "how are you"?"

Gabriel, "I was released from the asylum a moment ago, so I feel pretty good."

Misha, "They should have kept you."

Gabriel, "I know, but they don't. And you, how do you do?"

Misha, "I'm still breathing, unlike the other kid I just fought with, so quite good."

Gabriel, "Do you need help to hide the body?"

Misha, "Yup."

Host, "…I said fun ways, not creepy ways! And why are you two roleplaying again!?"

Misha, "I find our answers funny enough, though. And what? We are not allowed to roleplay?"

Host, "No, it's not that…"

Misha, "Then stop complaining!"

Gabriel, "If you're dissatisfied with my answer, I can always change it. But I don't think you will like the next one any better."

Misha, "I also have other ideas! Want to hear them?"

Host, "Your original answers were perfect, very humorous and original. There is no need to change them."

Misha, "I know, right?"

Question # 17

Host, "What is the stupidest way you've hurt yourself?"

Misha, "Hmmm…"

Gabriel, "Don't tell me, you stupidly hurt yourself so often that you struggle answering?"

Misha, "Got something against clumsy people?"

Gabriel, "You would be less clumsy if you thought before acting."

Misha, "Shut up! Stop criticizing my IQ and answer first!"

Gabriel, "Sure. I'm not proud of this, but I once left a knife in my bed and rolled over in my sleep. I woke up with quite the ugly shoulder wound."

Misha, "…What the hell did you leave a knife in your bed for!? Even I wouldn't do that!"

Gabriel, "I was eating supper in my room and dropped the knife in my bed. I got so absorbed by my book that I totally forgot about it and ended up passing out. Let's say that my mind completely pushed aside the matter of the knife falling in my bed."

Misha, "You love your books too much. They're gonna kill you one day."

Gabriel, "Maybe, maybe not. What about you? What did you do this time?"

Misha, "Well, I was a bit drunk…"

Gabriel, "All your stories seem to start with 'I was a bit drunk'..."

Misha, "Shut up and listen!"

Gabriel mimes zipping his mouth.

Misha, "So, that day, I kind of wanted to eat bread. But I only had a whole loaf of bread, so I had to slice it. Instead of putting it on the counter or the table, I took it in my arms and started to cut it while holding it. The knife slipped and slashed my arm quite deeply. You could see the white bone amid the blood."

Gabriel, "The nurse must have been exasperated. Again."

Misha, "Hum, you see, I didn't go to the hospital that time. I put a few tissues on the wound and called Dereck over to help me treat it. When he arrived, I was dead asleep, and there was a pool of blood under my arm. Apparently, I also drew two eyes on my arm to make a smiley with the wound as the mouth. Anyway, I patched it, and it healed by itself over time, although it left an ugly scar."

Gabriel, "Your drinking habits are going to kill you one of these days."

Misha, "Before my transmigration, I didn't drink as much as I used to, save for when something upset me."

Gabriel, "Well, it's a boon that you can't drink in that young body of yours right now."

Misha, "Don't remind me, jackass!"

Question # 18

Host, "What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever worn?"

Misha, "Can I not answer that?"

Gabriel, "That wouldn't be fair."

Misha, "Then you answer first!"

Gabriel, "Ok, ok. Well, I wore a fluffy dress and high heels once."

Misha, "What!? I never heard of this before!"

Gabriel, "Of course not. And don't worry, you will never see me wearing that get-up. I made sure all the pictures were deleted right in front of my eyes."

Stephan sneezes. Maybe not all pictures were lost.

Misha, "Tsk. Not fair. But why did you wear that thing? You don't have the habit of wearing girl clothes, for what I know."

Gabriel, "I lost a bet to your sister, and so I had to dress up as a girl for Halloween. She even bought a wig for the occasion, stuffed a bra, and took her sweet time to apply makeup on my face. It was a few years back, so my shoulders weren't as broad as now, and I looked frailer. Not too surprisingly, some people at school even mistook me for a girl, whistling at me and whatnot."

Misha, "If I were you, I would have snapped and beaten up those guys."

Gabriel, "Sometimes, a sharp tongue is far more effective than fists."

Misha, "…Right."

Gabriel, "It's your turn."

Misha, "I wore too many embarrassing things! Happy now!?"

Gabriel, "Hm? Because your mother loves to dress you up like a doll?"

Misha, "Yeah!"

Gabriel, "You look cute in every outfit she chooses, though."

Misha, "So what!? It's still super embarrassing! Everyone stares at me with those weird eyes and giggles, especially girls. It's freaking creepy."

Gabriel, "They just think you're adorable."

Misha, "I don't care! I'm not a doll, for fuċk's sake!"

Gabriel, "I'm not the one you should say that to."

Misha, "Dressing me up is one of my mother's few pŀėȧsurės in life, so, well, you know?"

Gabriel smiles.

Misha, "Sometimes, I really, really hate that face of yours."

Question # 19

Host, "If you were to quote a price for yourself, how much would it be?"

Misha, "All the money in the world. And add to that every single treasure too."

Host, "Do you really believe you're worth that much?"

Misha, "Na, I'm not even worth a penny."

Host, "Then why quote such a high price?"

Misha, "This way, no one will want to buy me. And even if they wanted to, they wouldn't have the ability."

Host, "You know, I did ask you to price yourself, but not because I'm planning to sell you off!"

Misha, "Better be safe than sorry."

Host, "…I guess you're right. What about you, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "I don't know how much I'm worth, so it's better to ask a professional. I'm not familiar with human trafficking, after all."

Host, "Please stop smiling at me. I already said I'm not planning to sell you off!"

Gabriel, "Why are you defending yourself against something I haven't accused you of? Do you have a guilty conscience?"

Host, "No, of course not!"

Gabriel, "You're sure?"

Host, "Yes, I'm sure!"

Gabriel, "Then I'm afraid I can't quote a price for myself. And without a price, I can't be sold."

Host, "…" He feels like crying right now.

Question # 20

Host, "If your gender was swapped for a day, how would you react?"

Gabriel, "First and foremost, I would hope Misha isn't in his period. Or about to be."

Misha, "Why?!"

Gabriel, "Your temper already flares up all the time. If you were to be in your period, I'm afraid your outbursts would become much more violent, meaning that my life would be in danger."

Misha, "…Fuck, I've got nothing to say against that!"

Gabriel, "So you do know you have a bad temper?"

Misha, "Shut up! I've been working on it!"

Gabriel, "Is that so."

Misha, "If you want me to beat you up, just say so."

Host, "If you two want to fight, could you please wait until the interview is done? And could you answer the question, Misha?"

Misha, "Sure. First off, I would look into a mirror. I got the feeling that maybe I would finally look like a boy instead of a freaking girl."

Gabriel, "Or maybe your appearance wouldn't change much."

Misha, "Shut your crow's mouth! Don't talk! You would be an ugly girl, anyway!"

Gabriel, "I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty handsome as a man. So as a girl, it shouldn't be that much different."

Misha, "…"

Gabriel, "Got nothing to say about that?"

Misha, "If I disfigure you in your sleep, do you think you'll still be handsome?"

Gabriel, "Please don't."

Question # 21

Host, "Have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person?"

Misha, "Yup, plenty of times."

Host, "How come?"

Misha, "When you're drunk, remembering a phone number is not that easy, you know? And I'm often too lazy to name my contacts, so well, let's say that it makes it harder to text the right person. Anyway, they just received a bunch of useless nonsense every time, so it doesn't really matter."

Gabriel, "Like what?"

Misha, "Good question. Every time I do that, there're so many missing words that the messages are just plain incomprehensible. A few asked me what I meant the next day, and even I had no idea. There was that one text message that mentioned killer tomatoes, strawberry cake, and Coca-Cola. I never understood the link between these three things."

Host, "Right… What about you, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "Well, yes. A certain someone messed up my phone contact list once, renaming almost everyone with weird nicknames. And those I thought hadn't been renamed because they had a name I recognized, I realized later that they still had been swapped with another contact or an unknown number. It was quite embarrassing to call 'dad' a total stranger."

Host, "Who would do such a bad joke!"

Gabriel, "I wonder."

Misha whistles innocently.

Question # 22

Host, "Did someone ever send you a text message by error? What was it?"

Misha, "Yeah. Once, there was that dude who sent me a picture of his torso, thinking he was sending it to a girl he had met in a bar. She probably gave him a false number to get rid of him."

Gabriel, "And then?"

Misha, "What do you think? I told him he had the wrong number, of course!"

Gabriel, "And?"

Misha, "He refused to believe me, so I got pissed off and sent him a picture of me."

Gabriel, "And?"

Misha, "That jerk had the guts to say that I was prettier than the girl he wanted to hook up with. And know what? That shameless shit asked for more pictures! And nude to boot! What the hell was wrong with his brain?!"

Gabriel, "Did you agree?"

Misha, "Are you crazy?! Of course not! I scolded him until dawn! Too bad he wasn't close by, or else I would have kicked his ȧss too."

Gabriel, "I'm sure you would have."

Host, "What about you, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "In my case, it was someone who thought they were sending a picture to their friends. It was two women who were grimacing and smiling. I was with Masha at the time, so she proposed that we respond by sending back a picture of us doing the same pose."

Misha, "So?"

Gabriel, "We did it, and a while later, they sent us another picture, but it was a group picture this time. Below, they dared us to imitate them again. You know your sister, right? She's the kind who always responds to a challenge. So, she grabbed a few people and made them pose with us."

Misha, "Did she know them?"

Gabriel, "No, they were total strangers. Well, they became friends afterward."

Misha, "Pffft! That's so like her!"

Question # 23

Host, "Did someone ever dare you to do something dangerous, and you ended up doing it?"

Misha, "Yup, plenty of times."

Gabriel, "When you were drunk?"

Misha, "Well, mostly when I was drunk, yeah. But there's that one challenge I did when I was sober. I was out hiking with Dereck and his father, and while we were passing by a waterfall, he jokingly dared us to jump over it. What he didn't expect was that I would really do it. He had bȧrėly finished talking and I had already jumped off. If I hadn't reached the other side and fell midway instead, I would surely have died."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "Dereck wanted to jump too, but his father quickly stopped him. You should have seen his face. I swear it was priceless!"

Gabriel, "Sometimes, I wonder how come you're still alive."

Misha, "Dunno. The Big Guy upstairs doesn't want to see my face, I guess. Don't tell me you never did something dangerous because of a bet?"

Gabriel, "People rarely dare me to do things, and I don't see the interest of doing them. I've got nothing to prove, so why should I do something just because you dare me to do it? That's a waste of time."

Misha, "You can be very dull sometimes."

Gabriel, "I prefer being dull than court death every two seconds."

Misha, "…"

Question # 24

Host, "Any crazy adventures you want to try in your life?"

Misha, "Bungee jumping!"

Gabriel, "What if the strap snaps and you fall to your death?"

Misha, "That won't happen. Didn't I tell you that the Big Guy upstairs doesn't want to see my face? I think He even hates my guts, actually."

Gabriel, "Still…"

Misha, "You know, you're being quite the scaredy-cat."

Gabriel, "I'm not. Anyone can tell that that kind of thing is dangerous. It wouldn't be the first time the strap snaps, nor would it be the first time someone dies or ends up with a broken spine while bungee jumping."

Misha, "Coward."

Gabriel, "Realist."

Misha, "Say that you're a pessimist, at least!"

Gabriel, "I'm not."

Misha, "Yes, you are! The probability of that happening is super low, you know?! Or are you trying to jinx it?!"

Gabriel, "Why would I want to jinx it?"

Misha, "I don't know!"

Host coughs, "And what about you, Gabriel? Any crazy adventures you want to do?"

Gabriel, "Maybe dive into an underwater grotto."

Misha, "Why?"

Gabriel, "Because it's beautiful, and I would like to see it with my own two eyes once in my life."

Misha, "Fair enough. If you ever decide to do it, don't forget to bring me with you!"

Gabriel, "Sure."

Misha, "And you're paying for the trip and all the expenses."

Gabriel, "Less sure."

Question # 25

Host, "Do you sing in the shower?"

Gabriel, "Misha definitely does."

Misha, "Eh?"

Gabriel, "You always sing at the top of your lungs, so everyone hears you in the house."

Misha, "If you're unhappy, just cover your ears. It's not like my singing is bad, so shut up."

Gabriel, "I guess you have a point."

Misha, "Hmph."

Gabriel, "…" What a brat!

Misha, "By the way, I also dance in the shower and make silly faces in the mirror."

Gabriel, "Your shower time seems quite lively."

Misha, "Got a problem with that?"

Gabriel, "Not at all."

Misha, "Anyway, almost everyone sings in the shower."

Gabriel, "I don't."

Misha, "Seriously?"

Gabriel, "I'm tone-deaf. Believe me, you don't want to hear me sing, and I also don't want to hear myself sing. I do hum once in a while, but nothing more."

Misha, "I don't believe you! Sing for me to judge!"

Gabriel, "No."

Misha, "Sing!"

Gabriel, "No!"

Misha, "Siiiiiiiiing!"

Gabriel, "I said no!"

Misha, "And I said to sing!"

Gabriel, "Fine!"

A while later.

Misha, "My ears are bleeding."

Gabriel, "Told you."

Question # 26

Host, "If you were left alone with a tiger in a room, what would you do?"

Gabriel, "I would be dead."

Misha, "You really are a pessimist."

Gabriel, "I told you, I'm a realist. If a normal human being is tossed inside a room with a tiger in it, they won't live long."

Misha, "What do you know? Maybe it's tame and calm. Maybe it's picky and doesn't eat human meat. Then again, maybe its owner declawed and defanged it."

Gabriel, "You know, if you're overly positive in life, that's going to bite you back one day."

Misha, "Yeah, yeah, sure. In any case, I would start by glaring at it. If it attacks me, I would try to bite its ears and stab its eyes with my fingers. I certainly won't let myself be devoured without doing anything. It's gonna have to work its ȧss off if it wants to eat me, duh."

Gabriel, "I never said I wouldn't fight back, but I still have a pretty good idea on how the fight would end."

Misha, "Loser."

Gabriel, "Yes, yes, I am. Wait a second. Host, is the room locked?"

Host, "It's not."

Gabriel, "I take back what I said. I would first open the door and get out."

Misha, "…I think I would do that too."

Gabriel, "I thought you wanted to fight with the tiger?"

Misha, "I'm not a mȧsȯċhɨst, dude!"

Gabriel, "Really?"

Misha, "Really!!!"

Question # 27

Host, "Was there a time where you hurt yourself badly but still didn't go to the hospital?"

Misha, "Yup."

Gabriel, "When you slashed your arm open and fell asleep on the floor, waiting for Dereck?"

Misha, "There's that time too, but that's not the one I was thinking about."

Gabriel, "Oh?"

Misha, "It was summer, and I was camping with Dereck at his family's chalet. We often did that after reaching ȧduŀthood. Anyway, because his parents were both busy with work, we brought his dog with us. Remember, that pug I hung on the door with duct tape?"

Gabriel, "Yes."

Misha, "It's that dog. So the story goes this way: we drank quite a lot all night and in the early morning, we decided to take a swim in the river. Our mind was still a bit clouded by the alcohol, and we thought that letting the dog alone in the chalet wasn't a good idea, so we brought it with us."

Gabriel, "Ok…"

Misha, "But you see, to reach the river, you have to climb down a steep slope. So, here I go, with the dog in my arms, talking with Dereck as I make my way down. Because I was distracted, I didn't pay attention to what was in front of me, and I slipped."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "Only, I still had the darn dog in my arms. I instinctively curled up around it so that it wouldn't get hurt and rolled down the slope until a rock stopped my fall. Dereck was still standing atop the hill, screaming my name. His face was paler than a ghost, you know?"

Gabriel, "No kidding."

Misha, "Anyway, I leaped to my feet and waved at him. Although my body was full of cuts and scratches, it didn't hurt much. I felt fine and said so. It was later, when we sat by the riverside, that we realized something was wrong."

Gabriel, "What?"

Misha, "Shh, let me talk! So, Dereck pointed the toe beside the big toe on my right foot, and only then did I realize that its angle was weird. It was bent to the side."

Gabriel, "…It was broken."

Misha, "Probably, yeah. I won't ever know because I placed it back in place myself and never went to the hospital. It did swell double the side and hurt like hell the next few weeks, and I could never move it normally afterward, but oh well. It's just a toe."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "The dog didn't have a scratch, by the way. It was trembling like a leaf, though."

Gabriel, "One good thing, at least."

Misha, "What about you?"

Gabriel, "I rarely hurt myself, and when I do, I always go to the hospital to get the wounds treated."

Misha, "Wimp."

Gabriel, "Perhaps, but at least, I'm able to move all of my toes freely."

Misha, "Hehe, I can too now! Thanks to transmigration!!!"

Gabriel, "..."

Question # 28

Host, "What is the stupidest way you almost died?"

Gabriel, "I did almost die, but not in a stupid way. Why must it be in a stupid way?"

Host, "It makes it more interesting."

Gabriel, "Is that so. Misha? What's wrong? You're oddly silent."

Misha, "…Can I not answer this question?"

Gabriel, "No, can't do."

Misha, "But I don't want to answer it!"

Gabriel, "Even so, you have to."

Misha, "Shithead!"

Gabriel, "So?"

Misha, "...In our past life, when I was around eleven, I went to Dereck's chalet with his family. You and Masha also came. It was summer and hot as hell, so we decided to take a swim in the river. Dereck and I often threw ourselves in the water from a rope swing, and I did so that day too. But Dereck was in the way, so I threw myself a little to the side so that I wouldn't crush him."

Gabriel, "What happened next?"

Misha, "There was a rusty pipe that stood straight in the river, and I unknowingly jumped toward it. If I had fallen an inch closer, it would have pierced my body, from my ȧss up to my throat!"

Gabriel, "That was a close one, indeed. But I don't get why you didn't want to talk about it. There's nothing shameful about that experience, no?"

Misha, "I said one inch, right? So my body wasn't entirely out of the way. I ended up with quite the ugly wound between my buŧŧȯċks, and because it was from a rusty pipe, it had to be disinfected right away."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "Can you imagine having to bend over and spread your buŧŧ so that your sister can clean up the wound?! I swear I've never felt more ashamed than that day!"

Gabriel, "My sympathy."

Question # 29

Host, "What is the worst thing that a person can put on their bio on a dating app?"

Misha, "I love to collect human bones."

Gabriel, "I love to collect human teeth, we would do a great match."

Misha, "Ohoh! Which do you love more? The front teeth or the molars?"

Gabriel, "Both are quite pretty, if you ask me. And you, if you could choose only one bone to keep, which would it be?"

Misha, "Hard to say… Well, maybe the sternum?"

Gabriel, "Why?"

Misha, "Because it's the pillar of the rib cage, and in the rib cage, there is the most important organ of the human body: the heart."

Gabriel, "Oh my! That's so romantic!"

Host, "… Don't tell me, you're roleplaying again?!"

Misha, "Stop complaining! As long as we answer the question, we can do whatever we want, right?"

Host, "Yeah, sure…"

Misha, "So, where were we?"

Gabriel, "Human bones."

Misha, "Right! So, not only do I like collecting human bones of all sizes, but I also have all kinds of poisonous bugs at home. Want me to show you a picture of my tarantula pet?"

Gabriel, "On second thought, I don't think we're meant to be."

Misha grins.

Question # 30

Host, "You are now banned from the local library. What would be the reason for it?"

Misha, "How can I be banned from it when I would never step in a library? I hate books!"

Host, "Just imagine you had to go for a reason or another. Why you were there isn't very important."

Misha, "Even so, there would be too many reasons possible. Do you really want me to enumerate them all? I don't mind, but you're gonna have to keep me company for a while."

Host, "…"

Gabriel, "How about telling us the most probable ones?"

Misha, "Sure. It probably would be because of a fight. Or because I was being too noisy. Or because I wasn't careful enough and tore the books. I could also have eaten in the library and put crumbs all over the place, who knows?"

Host, "That's quite a long list. What about you, Gabriel?"

Gabriel, "Well, the most probable reason would be that Misha came to fetch me and made a mess in passing, resulting in my banning as collateral damage."

Misha, "…Fair enough."

Question # 31

Host, "What is the worst Christmas gift you could give to each other?"

Misha, "A Voodoo doll and an urn for his ashes."

Gabriel, "…I thought our relationship was getting better lately."

Misha, "That's why the urn is gonna be very pretty."

Gabriel, "…"

Misha, "What about you? What would you give me?"

Gabriel, "A bottle of vodka."

Misha, "Eh? Did you really think this through? I would be goddam happy if you gave me that!"

Gabriel, "Are you sure? Because you can't drink at your present age, meaning that you would have to wait a few years before opening it. You can only watch it and not drink it."

Misha, "…You're a cruel man."

Gabriel, "Look who's talking!"

.

.

Host, "Finally, it's done!!!" Proceeds to run away at lightning speed. "These two are crazy!!" QuQ

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Editor: Clozed! ♥