Chapter 106 - Opening Up

Once there were no tears left to shed, Misha painfully became aware of the situation he was in; for a long time now, he had been silently crying in Gabriel's arms, sobbing against his c.h.e.s.t. All along, Gabriel said nothing, gently stroking his back up and down. As soon as the realization struck, Misha's cheeks started to burn, his face turning bright red. For God's sake, what was he doing, wailing like a baby?!

Before his transmigration, Misha wasn't the kind to cry easily. After his sister's death, it was as though he had forgotten how to shed tears, only crying again after being reunited with his mother. But at the time, his tears were out of joy, not out of guilt and sorrow. Tell him, who wouldn't be brought to tears after meeting with a loved one they had thought lost forever? Unless they were an unfeeling robot, there was no way they wouldn't react emotionally.

So why was it that, tonight, Misha couldn't resist the urge to cry? Was it because of this young body? Did it perhaps influence his personality, making him more prone to break down? In any case, this was embarrassing, enough to make him want to crawl into a hole and never come out! Why the hell did he have to collapse in front of Gabriel of all persons?!

"Are you feeling better?" softly asked Gabriel, lowering his eyes to look at the top of Misha's fluffy head.

The boy in his arms had become overly stiff, his shoulders tensing up and his back straightening, giving off the feeling that he was afraid to move and draw his attention, just like a small, trapped animal. It seemed like he had become conscious of their position, which was perhaps a little too close.

"…Could you not talk right now?"

"Why? You're feeling awkward?"

"If you know, then shut up!" grunting Misha, his voice barely audible. "And let me go!"

Pushing on his c.h.e.s.t to escape from his arms, Misha put some distance between them, averting his eyes. While in his embrace, he had realized that Gabriel's clothes had a fresh but cool smell, just like winter. Usually, his body was warm, yet today, it was unusually cold. Now that he thought about it, why was he here and how did he come to his house?

Lifting his eyes, Misha peeked at Gabriel. The man's cheeks and nose were still a little red, and his lips, a little colorless. His copper hair was also damp, plastered on each side of his face. The snow that had fallen in his hair had long melted, and now, a few wet strands messily fell upon his forehead.

No, Gabriel couldn't have…?

"You… Did you just walk from your house to mine?!"

"Of course not. I would have frozen to death had I done that."

"But if you didn't, why the hell is your body ice-cold like a damn corpse?!"

"I took the bus and walked from the bus stop to here. It's quite a long walk," shrugged Gabriel.

"You didn't take your car?"

"….Well, I couldn't. I snuck out."

"You snuck out?"

Gabriel nodded, solemnly repeating, "I snuck out."

"…"

A few seconds passed before Misha burst out laughing. He didn't know why, but he felt like laughing, and so he did just that. Gabriel's serious face while admitting that he slipped away was too incongruous; it somehow destroyed the heavy atmosphere that had slowly filled the room.

"What are you? A kid?" mocked Misha, wiping the tears that had welled up at the corner of his eyes.

"Between us two, you're the kid, though."

"…I'm older than you, remember?"

"Are you now?"

"…Let's not have this conversation again."

"As you wish, sir."

They looked into each other's eyes before smiling and chuckling lightly. Then, the chuckles gradually faded and silence filled the room once more. There were so many things to say, yet it was hard to bring anything up, especially for Misha. Ultimately, it was Gabriel who opened his mouth first, saying:

"I know that even if I tell you not to feel guilty about today's events, you still will. But don't shoulder the blame alone. In my past timeline, you failed in saving your mother, and I'm the one who decided to come back to rescue her. So in the end, I'm as guilty as you are, maybe even more as I'm the one who succeeded."

"But—"

"There's no but. This decision wasn't only yours. It was mine as well. And honestly, I would still choose to save your mother even while knowing what kind of consequences it would lead to. Do you know why?"

Taken aback by Gabriel's sudden question, Misha blinked before slowly shaking his head, chewing on his lower lip. He, himself, wasn't sure if he would still do the same had he known how many lives would be lost due to his choice. To Misha, it felt as though he was the one who had taken those kids' lives, staining his hands with blood. Even if, deep down, he was well aware that it wasn't the case, he couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt. The one to blame was the perpetrator, not him, but convincing himself of this was easier said than done.

"The answer is actually quite simple: it's because, to me, your and your sister's happiness is more important than anything. A whole city could burn down to ashes by my fault, and I wouldn't care, as long as the two of you are happy."

"W-what?"

Sighing, Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the boy with an unfathomable light in his eyes. Right now, Misha needed to distract his mind with something, anything, and the best way to do so was probably to open up to him.

After analyzing the message left in the watch and the previous timeline, Gabriel figured out that he never talked to Misha about himself and his problems in the first timeline, creating many misunderstandings that lasted a lifetime. But, of course, he wouldn't repeat the same mistake twice, and so he thought that today, he might as well take the opportunity to confide in, if only a little.

"You see, I lack feelings."

Frowning, Misha tilted his head, looking at Gabriel with question marks flashing in his eyes, making the man smile ever so lightly. In truth, his personality was one of a man of few words, but at the moment, Gabriel thought that it wouldn't be so bad to talk more and explain everything in detail, or at least, say enough so that Misha could understand what he meant and who he truly was.

"For as long as I can remember, I've always been well aware that my nature is cold-hearted, just like my father. However, I do not want to be like him. I'm trying to be someone he's not, but sometimes, it's hard to do so, and once in a while, I lose my way. I know that this morning's tragedy is sad, yet, deep down, I'm indifferent to it. Even though I played a part in its occurrence, it doesn't affect me much. If it's not someone important to me, I can't muster any sympathy toward them, nor can I feel sorry about their losses, although it's easy to pretend that I do. I try to be a good person, but in the end, I'm not."

Pausing, Gabriel smiled somewhat sadly but also tenderly, stretching a hand to push a strand of Misha's hair behind his ear. He then resumed in a softer voice, "Do you know? When someone manages to make a place for themselves in my heart, I'll give them the world because I don't know any better. There are not many who I hold dear, but, Misha, you are one of them. So, let me carry the burden of this tragedy. You have enough to shoulder on your own already."

Opening and closing his mouth, Misha looked at Gabriel in bewilderment, not knowing what to say. His brain needed time to process the man's words. However, Gabriel didn't let him time to think and continued, dropping another bomb:

"Besides, although many lives were lost, I plan to save many more. In this timeline, I'll not let my stepmother's crimes left unpunished, nor will I let my father continued with his wicked ways. I think I had to abandon this plan in your previous life for reasons I don't fully understand, but I swear to you, I'll not let this happen this time around."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Well, you know that my family is wealthy, don't you? It's because since long ago, we've been involved in the mining industry. When my grandparents died, they left the company to their only daughter, who was my mother. She died a few years later, and my father inherited it. However, his way of doing things is vastly different. Of course, how my mother managed the company wasn't perfect, but my father only has profit in mind. You can guess what methods he employs."

Gabriel sneered and shook his head.

"The company has a good reputation in Canada, but it's not the case in South America. The environmental and ethical rules that are respected here are not in those countries. Mines need a lot of water to function, and in South America, the mines that my father owns drain lakes and underground water without a care. It's to the point where the nearby villages don't have enough water left to meet the needs of their populations. And to make matters worse, the mines reject the polluted water next to their facilities, contaminating the ground and other sources of clean water. Because of this, the villages don't have access to clean water, and growing food becomes harder with each passing year. To top it all, diseases caused by the chemical wastes also plague their villages."

Running a hand in his hair, Gabriel let out a small sigh before resuming, "But that's not the worst part. When a population starts to protest because of their unethical and harmful practices or because they're planning to take possession of their sacred ground without asking for their opinions, the company hires gangsters to silence them. Many people died and are dying because all they want is to be heard."

"You must be kidding me. Why does no one talk about it?! I mean, even in the future, I did not hear of such things!"

"Why would people talk or concern themselves about it? There are many more atrocious things happening worldwide, and the media don't necessarily broadcast them for political reasons. And even if people know about it, what can they do? They will say it's sad and maybe feel revolted by the news, but that's it. They will quickly move on. It doesn't concern them directly, so it doesn't really matter in the end, as long as they can live comfortably."

At those words, Misha bit his lips, looking at Gabriel with round eyes. He had no idea such things were happening, and he didn't know what to think of it. Of course, he was feeling upset, but was it only for the sake of his conscience? He couldn't tell.

"So? What do you think? Which is more important: a classroom of teenagers or whole villages?"

"I…"

Misha didn't know what to say; his mouth was open, but no sound came out. He made a confused face, just like a lost child who had done something bad without understanding what went wrong. Really, which was more important?

"Sorry, that was mean of me. Don't think too much about it," whispered Gabriel, gently ruffling his hair. "This question has no right or wrong answers."

"…If you say so," mumbled Misha before trying to change the topic. "You… You said that your mother died. I didn't know. How did she… How did she die?"

"They said it was a suicide."

The words Misha was about to say were swallowed back when his eyes met Gabriel's. Seeing his cold and distant expression, he couldn't bring himself to dig further into the matter. But deep down, he still couldn't help but wonder if her death truly was a suicide.

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