Chapter 112 - A Selfish Man

After Misha attempted to strangle Stephan for the third time, Gabriel decided to separate the two before a certain someone ended up with a broken neck; they didn't need a corpse to hide on top of all the problems they already had.

Before long, Gabriel proposed that he and Stephan moved to another room, fearing Misha would run out of patience and pounce on his childhood friend. Besides, if they were to stay in the same room as Misha, he was afraid they would never get anywhere, not with Stephan grating on Misha's nerves at the slightest opportunity. So, long story short, Gabriel gave Misha and Masha a few album photos to keep them busy while he discussed with Stephan, left the living room, and went upstairs, quickly finding his way to the study.​ ​

Unlike the living room, the study was neat, with shelves filled with books covering the dark-grey walls. It was a simple room, the kind that had no superfluous decoration and appeared a little dull at first glance. In the center laid a massive wooden desk, on which Gabriel leaned before crossing his arms. In a deadpan tone, he then demanded:

"Would you please stop teasing Misha? I think he's about to explode."

"What can I do? His reactions are too adorable, and you should know by now that my mouth tends to run off by itself. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it," snickered Stephan before adopting a more serious demeanor as he added, "But, well, I also wanted to talk to you in private."

As an answer, Gabriel slightly nodded, letting him know that he had guessed as much. Since the beginning, he had a hunch that Stephan was purposely angering Misha. Though he was a loudmouth, his friend usually wasn't that unbearable, which meant he had something in mind.

Even if Stephan and Misha were meeting for the first time in this timeline, Masha, as the bro-con that she was, talked about her little brother every day at school, just like a chatterbox that couldn't be turned off. Hence, Stephan was well aware of Misha's personality and knew what to say or do to drive the kid away. And as expected, the boy gladly left everything up to Gabriel after being teased a little too much. Right now, he didn't even want to eavesdrop on them; just the sound of Stephan's voice was enough to make his blood boil.

"So? What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm pretty sure you already know," sneered Stephan, shaking his head. "But well, I guess I'll say it aloud anyway. Why didn't you go back in time to an earlier date? I have a feeling you weren't limited to one year only. If you wanted, you could have gone back before your mother's death and maybe even save her. You could have changed everything concerning that day, yet you didn't. Why is that?"

"Do you want an honest answer or a white lie?" replied Gabriel, c.o.c.king an eyebrow.

"What do you think?"

"The truth it is, then," sighed Gabriel, taking a second to organize his thoughts before resuming matter-of-factly, "It's only a possibility, but what if I want back sooner, let's say, before Misha transmigrated, and the very first timeline ceased to exist? The wristwatch stores the memories of the one traveling in time; however, to do this, the first timeline of said traveler has to have happened at one point. So here's a question: if a third party tampers with the timeline before the traveler's first transmigration, what do you think would happen?"

"Well, depending on what they do, many things could change. For instance, if their actions tamper with the first timeline too drastically and erase the reason why the first traveler wanted to travel back in time, the person in question would have no reason left to do it and surely won't. Maybe they won't even encounter Santa Claus."

"That's what I believe too. If the first traveler does not want to lose their memories, the timeline can only be modified by themselves and no one else. It's just like what happened when I went back in time. Although Misha has a device, it couldn't save the memories, and he forgot everything about that year."

"In that case…" Stephan paused, intently staring at Gabriel. He pinched his lips, seemingly hesitating for a second, before finally making up his mind and adding with a touch of suspicion in his voice, "You could have changed Misha's first timeline, make it so that he never went through such a hell. You could have given him a happy childhood, one devoid of pain, or at least try."

"Yes, I could have tried."

"Then why didn't you? You obviously hold him dear! I thought you were the kind of person to give up everything for their loved ones, so why the hell didn't you try?"

"Tell me, if I changed his past, would he still be the Misha that I know?"

Stephan opened his mouth but soon closed it, at a loss for words. He knew the answer, it was evident, but somehow, he didn't want to say it aloud. If Misha's past weren't the same anymore, he wouldn't be the person they know. In the long run, a person's personality was built by their life experience and influenced by the people they met throughout the years. So, resetting it all would necessarily change some parts of their character, meaning that they ultimately wouldn't be the same person.

Even though Gabriel went back in time only a year ago, the current Misha was already quite different from the one he knew. It wasn't to the point where it made him feel uncomfortable, but the slight differences were nevertheless there.

Again, Gabriel had to tame the little beast and make him open up to him. Still, that was fine. As long as he was that temperamental, open-book kind of person and not some stranger, he didn't mind how many times he would have to win him over.

"…And what about your mother?" asked Stephan as he averted his eyes, not-so-subtly changing the topic.

"She has been dead for years, and I've long gotten used to this fact. Besides, her death was the result of her own choice. She was the one who restlessly pursued my father, trampling on other people's feelings without a care in the world. And although she wasn't a bad mother, she wasn't the best either. We've been friends since the cradle, so you should be well aware of her bad sides."

"Still…."

"Stephan, if I had gone back to such an early date, how many things would be different today? The butterfly effect would have acc.u.mulated itself until the future became something far too unpredictable. Although I knew Masha from before, my mother's death was the trigger for our current relationship. Therefore, if it doesn't happen, would we still become close friends? If we stay as strangers, could I even save her mother? How could I interfere with that night? That, I do not know."

Gabriel turned his head, staring at the shelves filled with books, and slowly added, "Moreover, it is sad to say, but to me, Masha and Misha are far more important than my mother. Of course, I loved her, I'm sure I did. However, that feeling of love has grown colder and colder over the years. Now, the ones I currently want to protect are Masha, Misha, and even you. Well, you can add Tristan to the list too."

There was a short silence before Gabriel let out a sigh. Then, he focused back his gaze on Stephan, explaining in a soft yet somewhat sad tone of voice:

"Let's say that I saved my mother, then Angela and my father wouldn't have started to openly date each other and live in the same house, much less get married. With their love life messed up, do you believe Tristan would have been born? And even if they did make another baby, would it still be Tristan? If they slept together on any other day, you know it wouldn't be the same conditions, meaning that the fetus in my stepmother's w.o.m.b wouldn't be the same. So I could have very well ended with a little sister instead of a little brother. At any rate, it wouldn't be Tristan, the little brother I love so much."

"…Sorry, I didn't think of that. It's surprising, though, that you are so close to your little brother now. I remember how indifferent you were to him at first."

"Well, I am as surprised as you are," chuckled Gabriel, his eyes becoming tender. "I guess even I can feel brotherly love, if given a chance."

"I guess so," slightly smiled Stephan. "But all of this doesn't change the fact that you could have come back a bit earlier, just before Misha's transmigration, and give him a happy childhood. I know it would have changed him, but I still don't get it, not with how protective you can get concerning the people you love."

"The answer is quite simple, though."

"Oh? And what is it?"

"I am and will always be a selfish man," answered Gabriel. "The moment I learned the truth, that he was an indult in the body of a child, it changed everything. Since then, I do not want Misha to forget me, not completely at least. No matter what kind of pain comes with the memories he has of me, I don't want those said memories to be lost. I want to be someone unforgettable to him, to be honest. So, the harder it is to forget me, the better it is."

"…You know, I just had the weirdest thought ever. Just don't get offended, ok? But you, could it be that you are in love with him?"

"That's hard to say. Of course, kids don't interest me, but—" Gabriel stopped, a faint grin curving the corner of his mouth, "But I quite like his personality, and I do intend on making him mine after he grows up. So I guess you could say that I probably am."

"…From a third person's point of view, that sounds very twisted, you know that?"

"I never said it wasn't."

"…"

"Oh, please, don't give me that look. I just told you that I'd wait for him to physically grow up before starting anything, even if he's mentally older than me. How could I ever flirt with a kid? Just the thought of it makes me feel sick to the stomach. Yes, I lack principles, but I'll never lay my hands on a child no matter what. I'd be more afraid of you doing that, considering your non-existent morals."

"Dude, that's rude! I would never!" replied Stephan, seemingly outraged. "I'm not that depraved."

"If you say so."

"…Stop shooting daggers at me with your eyes, come on! I don't deserve so much hate! Wait, I don't, but—Holy shit! Don't tell me! Did my self of the first timeline did something he shouldn't have…?"

To this, Gabriel responded with a cold snort, and Stephan's face turned ghostly pale. Apparently, he had.

Stephan couldn't help but w.h.i.n.e, thinking that he was so dead. Tell him, why the hell did he have to flirt with the only person on earth he shouldn't?! Gabriel didn't show it, but sometimes, he could be as possessive as his mother, and his past self dared to hit on the guy Gabriel had his eyes on…? Was he stupid, or did he have a death wish?! Seriously, which was it?!

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