185 – Childhood

"Mr. Bai, how was your day?" A little four-years old girl sprawled on the old dark green carpet and talked to the stained teddy bear by her side. It was a gift given to her by her aunt, Mimi.

"What, you found a purse? Did you return it?" The girl asked after a moment of silence. "That's silly, if you kept the pulse, you would have money to buy food for yourself."

Suddenly, her stomach growled as she mentioned food. It was late morning, and she was all alone in the studio apartment. The only food she had was a peanut butter sandwich her mother had given her for dinner before leaving the apartment. Her stomach growled again, but she didn’t cry. She used to cry before, but she learned that no one was around, and crying didn't resolve anything.

If she wanted to eat, she needed to look for food herself. There should be milk in a big green box and bread in the cupboard. She had seen her mother getting food, and imitated the action to find something to calm her growling stomach.

After opening the fridge, she looked at the milk container sitting on the top shelf, too high for her to reach. She shoved a plastic stool in front of the fridge, and grabbed the container as she had done before. However, this time, the gallon container slipped from her frail hands and onto the floor, causing her to panic and scramble onto the floor. Luckily, there was still milk in the container, and she drank everything before placing the empty container back into the fridge.

It wasn’t until noon when she heard the sound of the door opening up. By instinct, she hid her teddy bear and ran to the corner of the room. On good days, her mother would ignore her. On bad days, she would get hit by the broom. She wasn’t sure what caused her mother to be angry at her all the time.

One time, she had hidden the broom, and her mother slapped her face instead. She had learned her lesson, don’t hide the broom. A hit to the body wasn’t as painful as a slap to the face.

“Meilin! You stupid bitch! Why are you causing me trouble!?” Chu Meya yelled as soon as she saw the mess in the kitchen.

Instead of cleaning, the Chu Meya grabbed the broom and violently struck the little girl, who coiled her body and protected her head.

“Do you know what I have done to keep you alive!” Chu Meya screamed. “You ungrateful bitch!”

Meilin clenched her fist, and bit into her shoulder, trying to bear the pain. The onslaught from the back of the broom slammed into her back, and then her butt and legs. If she cried, it would only trigger her mother even more.

“If it wasn’t for you! I would still be known as the great beauty! Look at what you did to my body!” Chu Meya had gained a lot of weight, but without much exercise or a balanced meal, it was impossible to regain her figure before her pregnancy.

“Meya! What are you doing!?” A young woman with big curly hair rushed in, and placed her arms around the little girl.

“She made a mess of my apartment!” Chu Meya cried out. After yelling, she staggered back to the sofa, unable to keep her balance. “Why are you here?”

“I got a job,” Chu Mimi replied.

Mimi used to be close with her sister, but during the past three years, they had grown apart. Chu Meya wanted to continue looking for wealthy men to trap, but none was good enough for her. No one was as charismatic or wealthy as Song Taiji.

Chu Mimi never understood why Chu Meya was still obsessed with Song Taiji. Afterall, the man had tried to kill her. If they hadn’t escaped, Chu Meya was likely dead.

“With your boyfriend?”  Chu Meya asked.

“There’s a bunch of wealthy clients up north,” Chu Mimi replied. “Do you want to head up?”

“Are you kidding? And start my contacts all over again? No way.”

“But you’re not making much with your existing clients.”

Chu Meya remained silent, but quickly dozed off as the drug in her body lost its high and suddenly sapped her energy.

Chu Mimi patted Meilin’s sore arms and wondered if she should take Meilin with her, but she couldn’t even take care of herself. The only thing she could do was clean up the mess and give Meilin some medicine. She was surprised that Meilin wasn’t crying.

“Meilin, are you going to be alright?” Chu Mimi asked.

Meilin nodded.

“Don’t spill milk again, or your mom will be angry.”

Meilin nodded.

Chu Mimi sighed. “If you were a boy, things may have turned out differently.” Chu Mimi got up, preparing to leave. She was going to move north in a few days.

Little Meilin grabbed onto Chu Mimi’s jeans. “Mimi, go with you?”

“I wish I could, but your mom needs you,” Chu Mimi knew her sister would never let go of Meilin. Meilin was her daughter with Song Taiji, and as much as she hated Meilin’s existence, she also needed an outlet for all her hatred and she also needed a child to receive regular income from the government. “I can only take you if your mom isn’t around.”

After Chu Mimi left, Meilin’s life repeated, a constant state of altering her routine the best she could to avoid getting hit. She figured that if she cleaned the apartment and kept to herself, her chances of avoiding the broom were higher. She also noticed that the more her mother injected a needle into her arm, the more her aura weakened and the less strength she had to strike the broom.

****

“Yun, do you know? I was really happy when she passed away,” Rouxi suddenly remembered the day when her mother passed away, lying quietly on the bed with her eyes wide open but lifeless.

She had called out to her mother from beside the bed, but no response. Her hands trembled, remembering what it was like to inject an extra dose of heroin into Chu Meya.

“Rouxi, don’t force yourself,” he whispered into her ears. Even without her explicitly stating it, it was likely she had killed her own mother.

“You’re not repulsed by me?”

Li Yun shook his head and wrapped his arms tightly around her.