47 Defec

Surrounded by darkness, Catherine put her guard up. There was no way to predict what that little demon was preparing. She desperately tried to contact Joshua with no success.

Suddenly, the darkness dissipated and Catherine found herself in a rather peculiar room. Everywhere she looked, she saw a lot of bizarre machinery made of vast sets of gears interwoven with one another. The room had no apparent window and was illuminated by a couple of floating light orbs. She looked for an exit, no doors nor windows were visible but a spiral staircase was located in the center of the room, making her think she was inside a giant clock tower. She tried calling out Joshua again but was only met with the creaking of the gears in response. Having nowhere else to go, she began to carefully climb the staircase.

The staircase seemed to have no end in sight. From time to time, she came across a pathway connected to it, allowing her to reach the gears. Every time she saw one of those, she followed the path hoping to find a clue on how to leave the place, but always ended coming back as they were all a dead end. Catherine grew uneasy as she suspected she was trapped in a weird loop. She considered breaking the machinery by preventing the gears from functioning at the next pathway but she finally reached a place that was different. First, the staircase came to an abrupt end. There were still gears going up with no end in sight but there was no way to reach them. Second, there was another pathway leading to a bunch of gears, however, this floor was different from the previous ones. The gears on this floor were not working. To be more precise, they were all spinning but were all deformed so they didn't interact with one another properly.

Catherine let out a sarcastic smile.

'Do you want me to solve some sort of puzzle in order to progress? That sounds more like a Joshua thing,' she thought.

Seeing no other option, she stepped on the pathway and grabbed the first deformed gear she found. As soon as she did, she sensed a familiar presence coming from it. It was very vague but she was sure she felt Joshua's aura coming from the cog. Not wasting time, she inserted her own energy in the gear. The results were immediate, the cog began to glow. However, before she could rejoice, Catherine had the impression of being pulled inside the gear. She tried to resist but soon found the area around her changing.

"Hmm hello?" Catherine said.

There was no response. She tried to touch a child but her hand went right through him. She was already in a nightmare and nothing surrounding her was real but up until now, she had been able to interact with the environment. It was infuriating, but the creator of this scene wanted her to be a spectator rather than an actor.

The children were relatively young, about 5 or 6 years old. As for the classroom, based on the equipment, Catherine could guess it was probably a recreation of Joshua's world. A woman was standing near a blackboard, looking infuriated a lone child. While the majority of the kids were busy completing whatever they had been assigned to, one of them was not behind his desk and was busy looking at the clouds through the window.

"JOSHUA! How many times must I repeat it to you?! Sit down and work!" she yelled.

"It's done," the child replied, "It was really easy."

"Then start doing your homework!"

"Already done too."

"... Then take out a sheet of paper and start writing fill every line with: 'I must sit on my chair in class."

"No."

"What do you mean 'no' ?"

"That's completely useless. I got better things to do."

"Like watching at clouds?"

"Clouds are more interesting than your class."

The teacher had enough of that little brat's nonchalance. She packed Joshua's bag, grabbed his hand and dragged him and his bag out of her classroom.

"If my class doesn't interest you then stay there. Young man, you may be smart but if you want to become a decent human being, you need to learn how to be part of society. Going against the flow on your own will get you nowhere!"

She slammed the door leaving Joshua in the hallway. The child was still smiling and started to dance very clumsily, clearly having fun. A cleaning lady was busy swooping the hallway. When she passed near Joshua, she looked at him as if he was a circus attraction. Seeing her expression, Joshua s felt a shrill going down his spine and stopped, a sad look in his eyes. Catherine saw a small crack appear above Joshua's left eye. A black liquid began to slowly come out of it.

Before she could inquire further, the scene ended and Catherine was back in the room with deformed clockwork. The gear in her hand flew back into the machine where it desperately tried to work with the other pieces. Catherine began to have a vague idea of what was going on, the nightmare was trying to break Joshua. She didn't want to pry further in his memories, but unfortunately, she had no alternative. She suspected she would only find him at the end of the route. She had to reach him before it was too late. With a heavy heart, she grabbed another gear and was soon absorbed into it.

The scene that appeared was another classroom, although the people inside were much older this time, she guessed they were in their late teens. The class had just ended and the students were leaving the place. She quickly found Joshua, in a corner, busy packing his stuff. Catherine saw that the crack from the previous memory was still present, slowly leaking that black liquid. Joshua ignored the people around him and left the place. Along the way, a couple of people sneakily glanced at him, the 'Oh it's that guy!'' type. Joshua reached his school locker and emptied his bag with stuff he didn't need. A moment later, two girls walked up to him. Catherine had seen them in the classroom with him so she assumed they were part of his class.

"Hey Joshua!" one of them said.

Joshua looked at them and smiled.

"Hey! You need something?"

"Yeah… We're just wondering if you've done the math homework for next week already?"

"Yup. Let me guess, you want it?"

"If it doesn't bother you…"

"Sure, I'll show it to you later."

"Thanks. Oh, by the way, we're in charge of registering who is coming to the festivities at the end of the month. Do you think you'll come?"

"Hmmm, probably not. That kind of stuff doesn't interest me."

"OK, let us know if you change your mind."

Joshua nodded and the girls walked away. After they left Joshua shook his head.

"The only time people talk to me is when they need something. Whatever, unlike them I'll pass this class," he said to himself.

He closed the locker and headed home. He spotted the girls on the way, they were busy talking with other people in their class. They didn't see him and he overheard their conversation.

"We asked Joshua. He's not coming," the girl he had talked to said.

"What a surprise! It's probably for the best. We don't want that weirdo ruining the party."

"Don't be so mean, he's useful when you need him."

"He's smart, I'll give you that. But there is something… off about him. I think he might be an alien!"

They all began laughing but then noticed he was there and stopped.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" the girl who was badmouthing him began.

Joshua smiled, took out his cellphone and told replied:

"Joshua phones home!"

They looked at him a bit confused before giving him a wry smile. Joshua just waved them goodbye and left them, still smiling. Catherine who was observing the scene saw that another crack appeared on his face, though. The scene then ended.

With no other way to progress, Catherine watched scene after scene of Joshua's life. They were all similar, showing benign incidents of Joshua's ineptitude to act properly in a social environment. As for the form he appeared in, it was rapidly deteriorating. Soon, Joshua's body was covered in cracks leaking that putrid black liquid. Catherine had to keep her distances from him as a terrible stench emanated from Joshua's wretched form.

She had seen most gears by now, the scenes she now saw were about Joshua's being rejected in job interviews. Then she reached a memory that completely broke Joshua.

Joshua was sitting behind a table in front of a middle-aged woman.

"Mister Lockman, the look in your eyes tell me more about you than what's written on your resume."

"Hmmm, I'm sorry?"

"You're psychologically incapable of working with other people."

"W-what? What does that even mean?"

"Why don't you think about it?" she answered smiling.

Joshua's form completely broke hearing this. The various cracks on his body connected and pieces of his skin fell off, allowing the putrid liquid to stream freely. Catherine was horrified seeing this, Joshua's form was barely human anymore.

She was back in the room with all the gears, there was only one piece she hadn't examined yet and based on the previous ones, it wouldn't be a pretty memory. Catherine braced herself, took a deep breath and entered the last scene.

Joshua was alone in what appeared to be a wooden shack. Even discarding the deformed appearance he had, his looks were terrible. His hair was a mess, he had a beard that was several weeks old. He was busy writing a letter. She took a glance over his shoulder and began to read the reflexion of the madman in front of her.

THE MEANING OF LIFE

BY JOSHUA LOCKMAN

A lot of people wonder why they were born. Well, everyone with a functioning brain does anyway. My own brain is the only part of me that's halfway decent so I did. So, whoever you are, let me tell you the answer I came up with:

The meaning of life is to develop as a species. The life of a single freaking individual is unimportant. What matters is that humans as a species can progress further.

You're not special, no one is. Sure, your parents might tell you some nonsense how about you're unique and everyone around you is. That's nonsense. Remember what your parents also tell you? To believe in Santa Claus! Believe in their words and you'll be as disappointed as the day you found out Santa wasn't real. The truth is you're replaceable. The day you die, people might mourn you for a week but they'll find someone to replace your spot in society.

So, what task do you have as a single human? That's fairly simple: First, you become a part of society. That means after having a decent education you enter the job market, no matter what you do. Just become part of the system, play your role and help the machine work. Then someday you'll have kids and educate them in order for them to become respectable adults to replace you after you die…. RINCE AND REPEAT.

So, the next question should be: what about people who can't function in society? You know, like that freak of nature J. Lockman! EXCELLENT QUESTION, my friend! Simple, any chain of production will produce defective products from time to time. It sucks, but it happens!

So, what are your options if you end up being one of those? Well, the first one is to become a parasite and leech of actual decent members of society. You know, some people have a good heart, they might take pity on you. If you're in the idiot category, you might even start looking for someone as pathetic as you and try to form a family of rejects.

Now, if you have any self-respect left and don't want to contribute to the downfall of the human race, at least be smart enough to not reproduce. Being born defective is one thing, but willingly making more defects is about the lowest you can get. Do you know what happens when defects start reproducing? YOU GET MORE OF THEM! IT'S GENETIC!

If you don't want to become a parasite, good! There may be hope for you yet! Of course, the only alternative I know is pretty dire… If you find another than the one I took, please let the world know!

I hope someday, science will invent a way to allow people like us to fix ourselves. You might think it's weird that a freak like me latches so much on a system that let him down, but remember people: you're the problem, not the system.

Fix yourselves or take responsibility.

Joshua Lockman

Joshua finished his nonsensical letter and put it in an envelope. Writing this made his body deteriorate even further, Catherine could see his bones with the naked eye on several spots. She could see Joshua was crying, but his tears looked more like the liquid you would find in a sewer rather than tears. His hands trembling, Joshua took out the knife he had prepared. He put his wrist on the table with the knife above it. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and slid his veins open.

At least he tried, someone grabbed his hand at the last moment. Surprised Joshua opened his eyes. He saw a blonde woman holding his arm. She looked vaguely familiar but he couldn't remember who she was. Not sure how she got there, he thought about the old 'deus ex machina' expression. Could she really be a goddess?

'That was close…' thought Catherine. She realized just in time if she could read what Joshua was writing, this wasn't a dream anymore. The nightmare almost succeeded in having Joshua 'kill' himself. Of course, he was already dead, but an action like this would basically have destroyed his soul.

The goddess gently smiled at his wretched figure. She took the knife out of his hand and put it on the table.

"What sort of nonsense are you writing?" she said, "Aren't you the one who taught me people should never give up on their dreams?"

That was a word he had long forgotten and hearing it brought a warm feeling in his chest.