Chapter 39 - Thirty Nine

Keenan POV

I don’t know exactly what I expected after my encounter with Angeline. I didn’t mean to terrify her so much, that was not my initial intention.

I just wanted to have a simple conversation…

Yea who the hell was I kidding? I don’t know how to be a decent human being, not in the slightest.

I was just so unbelievably angry, at everything and everyone, tired of being toyed with and used as a pawn.

The slight chance that she was the human my cousin was… talking to was nearly laughable and yet, here I am in this clusterfuck that is my life.

Everyday, as I drew closer and closer to the brink of going feral, nearly crossing that line, I could barely pull myself out of that state of mind.

A rabid state of mind that was only strengthening its hold on me. I truly did not know how much time I had left before I snapped. I would never be myself again, only beast.

In the vast unclaimed woods outside of Alpha Sawyer’s pack, a large dominion of rogues took refuge. Having them so close to his border had Sawyer on edge, my job, was to get rid of them.

I killed over two dozen rogues in an attempt to capture only a few, all deaths were committed accidentally… I think, these days I can’t really tell.

Now I understand what they mean when they say there’s no coming back from going fully feral. All I want now is to kill and destroy.

The Council and my father think they can help me from succumbing to the feral beats, but I know better. Only she can.

As I stood in the doorway, watching her cower in front of me, face drained of all color, a look of shock and disbelief plastered on her face.

She looked absolutely petrified.

I was at war with myself, having her so close made me realize how long I’ve been yearning for her. Every hair on my body stood at attention, my muscles vibrated with life, her sweet and delicate scent washed over me like a flood of calm water. Releasing the tension in my shoulders. feeling like I can finally breathe clearly again, if only for a moment.

Losing all sense of time and self in her terrified eyes. Even now, as she looked up at me, teary eyed, they were a vibrant blue-green hue, they were almost too big, too translucent for her small face.

The pull I felt to her, it was stronger than the last time I’d seen her, it was restoring itself, and it was only a matter of time before it was whole, demanding, and pulsating with vitality.

I allowed myself a brief moment to bask in her essence, taking a long drawn out inhale of her scent.

I missed her.

Finally for once, I felt fucking sane, I felt something other than rage, frustration, or nothingness.

She was still scared of me, of course she was, that was a given.

It bothered me more than I could admit.

I hated seeing the word that constantly floated in her eyes every time she saw me, knowing exactly what she thought of me.

Monster… Monster… Monster.

But I wouldn’t hurt her, especially not physically, not anymore, not ever again.

I would tell her she had nothing to be afraid of but then I’d be lying.

I know myself.

There is nothing in this world I want more... than her.

For that reason alone she was in danger, for when I want something badly, nothing can stop me.

Not even that thing itself.

I won’t lie, it angered me, even hurt when she said she was in love with Daniel, I didn’t want to believe it, I refused to believe it.

I asked her if they’ve fucked but I already knew the answer. Although their scents clung together, Daniel’s scent was not embedded into her. The most I’ve ever felt them do was kiss, the zapping sensation on my lips as theirs touched was confirmation of that. I could feel his every touch on her, even the innocent touches.

The mental control I had to muster in those times was nearly unattainable.

So long as I live, that’s the farthest they’ll ever go. Their little so called “relationship” ends today.

Call me the world’s biggest hypocrite, or the world’s biggest pile of shit, but feeling them be intimate was killing me.

I meant it when I said Daniel can’t save her from me, he won’t be able to save himself. She is rightfully mine.

Of all the humans in the world he could have chosen, why did he have to go for mine? I had to keep reminding myself that I just needed to be a patient a little longer.

My wolf didn’t understand why we couldn’t just snatch her then and there, and for a split second, his persistence almost won me over.

I took a step closer, hands twitching with every intention of taking her with me.

But it was her reaction that stopped me, she had her arms raised up, covering her face in a defensive pose.

I know I’m a monster but I would never…

But you have before…

A strong sense of self disgust and revulsion surged through me in a violent torrent, these emotions I was not used to feeling, I didn’t know how to cope.

She had every right to think the worst of me, and every right to think I was capable of the worst, because I truly was.

In time, I would show her though, I was her mate for a reason, me, not Daniel.

-------------------------------------------------

After leaving the groomers shop, Shane and I bound off into the woods in our wolf forms, traveling nearly 20 minutes by paws to where we last left the van.

The van looked as dark and sketchy as you’d imagine, it’s dark green color blending into the forest scenery, a foul stench of fear, rot, and blood emanating from it.

Checking inside the van I see all the rogues laying nearly lifeless inside, their groans of pain growing louder as they started to regain consciousness.

Time to take them to the warehouse, it would be a two hour drive out of state, and I was eager to get back.

“Alpha,” Shane started, “how exactly do you plan to...court your mate?”

“What do you mean?” I say, getting into the driver’s seat.

“Well it seems as though she’s afraid of you, and I mean this with the utmost respect when I say, I think she hates you as well.”

I grit my teeth, “and?”

“Well, how do you plan to win her over?”

“I’m going to kill Daniel.”

“But that won’t win her over, the opposite if anything, you’ll just be snuffing out the competition.”

“The bond will win her over for me.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

I tightened my grip in the steering wheel, growing agitated. “It will.”

“But what if it doesn’t? She is human after all, she could feel the bond on a lesser level. What if she never forgives you?”

“When I want your input, I’ll ask.”

The rest of the drive went in silence, but I couldn’t help but think about what Shane said about Angeline.

What I knew for certain, was that not having my mate army side, just wasn’t an option anymore. I was done fighting the bond, done fighting fate, and done resisting the future that awaited me.

Yes I know she hates, worse than that, she’s terrified of me, and why wouldn’t she be?

I am exactly as she called me, a fucking monster.

It only hurt, because it was true.

But now? Now I won’t deny my nature anymore, I won’t pretend to be something I’m not.

I’m not a good person, I never have been.

I’m not the bigger person, that gene is forever absent.

I’m not selfless, and I never will be.

So why pretend otherwise?

As of now, I could only hope that with time, Angeline would come to accept me.

Was I insane to think so?

Perhaps, but it was all I could think about these days. These intrusive thoughts would not allow me to see past my one true deepest desire.

It’s hard to think, do, or breath anything else when all every fiber of your being wants... is your mate.

My wolf paced restlessly in my head, if they thought I was in danger of going feral, it was nothing compared to my wolf. The thoughts and emotions I’ve been receiving from him as of late were less than humane, and I was afraid the last of our sanity was slipping through the cracks.

Alpha… Shane said through the mindlink.

What? I replied in agitation.

Alpha Drew is on his way here, Corbin just received a heads up from his mate. They’re bringing the Elder Council.

Fuck!

I thought I had more time, how the fuck did my dad find out she was here?

Who told? I channeled through the mindlink, even through the distance their fear was tangible.

No one Alpha, I don’t know how he found out.

I didn’t say anything either, replied Dante with Alan, and Corbin agreeing with him.

Let me find out any of you betrayed me, and that’ll be the last day you live.

Am I understood?

Yes Alpha, they replied in unison.

We have to prepare.