Eighty-fourth Encounter

*creak*

“Are you Lily?” (man 1)

“Yup” (me)

“Wow, that statue of you really isn’t accurate.” (man 2)

“Kinda disappointing. You’re really not as… big as I was expecting.” (man 3)

“Um… what does the statue look like?” (me)

“Oh, you’ve probably not seen it, unless you go out.” (man 1)

“It’s, um… big. Very big.” (man 2)

“Boobs bigger than her head.” (man 1)

“An ass to die for.” (man 3)

… I facepalmed… er limbed? I don’t have palms! I do have tendrils.

“I really don’t think our original plan is gonna work, guys. I mean… she’s really not my type.” (man 3)

“You don’t want to do her from behind?” (man 2)

“What behind? She hardly has one!” (man 3)

“You don’t want to fuck her boobs?” (man 2)

“They aren’t big enough to do that right!” (man 3)

“No plunging into her fat succulent lips?” (man 2)

“Those lips are completely normal! Nothing fat or succulent about them!” (man 3)

“Uh, just how exaggerated is that statue?” (me)

“Very!” (man 1)

“Hey, that’s not a complete sentence!” (man 2)

“The statue is very exaggerated!” (man 1)

“You really need to learn to speak better if you want to become a noble’s aide.” (man 2)

“My apologies, sir.” (man 1)

“Much better.” (man 2)

“Must you do your speech lessons now? We have a woman to defeat! A woman I don’t know how to defeat because our plan is ruined!” (man 3)

“Oh come on! Are you saying you can’t get it up looking at her?” (man 2)

“I can’t.” (man 3)

“... damn. Just how bad is your ass addiction?” (man 2)

“Bad. Real bad.” (man 3)

“I could try using my voice.” (man 1)

“What? You don’t mean that sexy voice magic you claim to have learned instead of studying the basic etiquette I was teaching!? I’ve told you that nonsense doesn’t work!” (man 2)

“The book was quite thorough in explaining how it works! I just haven’t had a good opportunity for testing it. The book assured me that any noble lady who experiences it will never want to fire me.” (man 1)

“Isn’t the author dead?” (man 2)

“Killed by a jealous husband, based on what few records find.” (man 1)

“Well, give it a shot.” (man 3)

One long vocal warble later.

“Woah, that felt weird. Like a tingling all over. Um, I think your companions are in trouble though. They’re on the ground and twitching.” (me)

“Eh? Ooops. Forgot music really lacks discrimination in who it affects. Hmmm...” (man 1)

The man pulled out a book and began flipping through it.

“Ah, yes, these symptoms are expected from overdosing. The twitch is hip muscles trying to hump the air. Let’s see… yup, they totally jizzed in their pants. You only got a tingle?” (man 1)

“Yeah, it felt neat, but it wasn’t very strong.” (me)

“Hmmm… oh, I forgot, it said monsters have innate resistance to magical sounds, and it’s most effective on humans. Uh… sorry. I guess we lose.” (man 1)

“You don’t need to apologize to me. I’ll send you back to the entrance.” (me)

“Thank you. I’ll need to make sure these two don’t get too dehydrated.” (man 1)

***Author Note***

Felt like providing some follow up on the statue maker. They took a lot of artistic license with it. Did a quick search on youtube for some vocal warbling, found this:

https://youtu.be/gZCGPR4U89o?t=73

Good enough.

Edit: Awww crap! My buffer is dead! Erm... Not sure how long until I get more written.