Chapter 76 - Survivor's Guilt

"Yep, I did flip a coin." Kai noticed Zach was obviously worked up and surprised at the same time. "Is something the matter, Zach?"

"N-No. It is just surprising to me that you let a fifty fifty chance on whether what organization you were about to join be decided by the simple flipping of a coin."

Kai sat down, his back turned towards Zach's clothing drawer.

"It might seem stupid to some people, but I would not have done it any other way. I was torn between two friends of mine, I could not decide on my own, so I chocked it up to probability. There was a fifty percent fair chance of me joining either, do you feel me?"

Kai asked Zachary who was still dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I definitely do. I just would not do it myself."

The rookie replied.

This made Kai let out a gentle smile. 

"Definitely. You should not chock things up to chance like I did."

"Why do you think that is, Kai?"

"Because, my young student, you will be left with lingering thoughts. Thinking whether what your position and how you would be if you were in the place opposite of the choice you made is not good. Once you are torn between decisions or choices, choose something while acknowledging that you did it of your accord. Accept what happens after that decision, but never regret choosing it."

Zachary scoffed.

"It seems to me like you are unhappy in the Inferno Garden, do you feel like you have made a mistake for choosing them instead of sir Luken Regalia and the Six Blades?"

Zach was eager to know.

"Nah. I am perfectly fine here."

"Then why are you telling me all of those things about not regretting decisions and living with your own choices?"

"Because I often think of the ones who are not here anymore."

Kai said.

Zachary's eyebrows were wrinkled.

"What do you mean with that?"

He pressed on.

"I am referring to the ones six feet below from us. The ones who have been face to face against death and have not come out on top. That is who I was referring to."

Zachary was silent.

Kai Xin's whole demeanor had changed.

The smile he wore this whole time gradually turned into a frown.

A frown painted with the sad colors of pain and regret.

"That night. When the Reaper turned traitor and killed all of the Six Blades members excluding Luken Regalia and Gavin Khalil, if I had joined them instead, would I have been one of the Reaper's victims?"

Zachary could not muster the courage nor did he have anything worthwhile to say in this situation.

He shut his mouth tight and continued to listen to Kai's words.

"Luken's sister and all of the other ones who were killed. It would be highly probable that I was to be one of the bodies buried that day had I not joined Ignis and the Inferno Garden. You might even say I really did dodge a massive bullet on that one, a bullet aimed straight at my head through millions of concrete walls. And it still would have gone in and pulverized me."

Kai played around with his white Inferno Garden robe.

"Did I just survive by chance? By a stupid game of probability where I got lucky and lived?"

Although the S Rank Fire Slayer asked the question out loud, there was something nagging Zachary to not answer him. This was not a question directed at him, as a request for a feedback or a reply shortly after. No, this was a question from Kai Xin to himself.

Kai Xin's voice was empty and hollow.

Zachary did not notice it, but Kai was far too emotional that he was squeezing the shards of glass he picked up from earlier. Blood was dripping on Zach's wooden floor.

Upon noticing this, Kai immediately picked himself up and composed himself.

"Whoops. I would like to apologize for that, I will clean this myself." He said as he looked around trying to find something to wipe it off with. 

"Do not worry about that, just do it later, tend to your hand and come back here, once you are back, we will start our training. It is almost 6 AM now, anyway. It is also my turn to cook for the gluttons still fast asleep."

Zach assured him that it would be fine.

"Alright, if you say so. I will be back in about twenty minutes. I can help you cook if you want."

Kai said while doing a thumbs up motion with his still bleeding hand.

Zach was now annoyed.

"No. I will show you that I am able to cook better, I won't lose to you, besides, you would only slow me down. I am sure of it."

Zach said as his eyebrows met and his face had a disgusted expression painted on it.

Kai shrugged his shoulders comically.

"Have it your way. See you in a bit, my hand kind of stings now."

"Can you just leave unannounced?"

After Kai left, Zachary thought long and hard about his choices.

"Am I really fit to be a Slayer? These guys have gone through so much. To survive for long in this line of work is not something easy to do. It is not a simple walk in the park, the question is – am I fit to be one?"

He asked himself.

These thoughts kept nagging at Zach's mind.

But the fact that Luken and Gavin chose him, they must have seen his potential.

At least that is what Zach repeated to himself.

"I also do not wish to lose to that blundering fool, Yin." He stood up and made his way down towards the kitchen and started to prepare the breakfast for everyone.

Zach finished preparing the food, after an hour and thirty minutes all in all.

He took off his hairnet and apron and hung them by the kitchen wall.

"Woah, you really do take things a bit too seriously."

Kai had arrived and was peeking through the glass window in the kitchen.

"It is called being clean, jackass." Zachary's mood went from happy to annoyed in a matter of seconds. "Also, were you not supposed to be back after twenty minutes? You could have taught me stuff while I was cooking."

He asked.

"I thought about it, but then that would put a damp on the food's overall presentation and flavoring itself."

Kai spoke proudly, as he himself is a food connoisseur.

"If I was disturbing you during the whole process, I would have eaten a bad breakfast. No offense, Zach. But food has to be given the utmost attention and care while making it."

"Why are you teaching me how to cook my food? You should mind your own business and your own kitchen, Kai."

Zachary was now definitely more than annoyed.

Kai noticed this and let himself in through the front door.

"How did you unlock the door?!"

Zach asked.

Kai did not even acknowledge his presence.

He took a pillow and mashed his face in it and promptly fell asleep.

"I am just going to make myself home, thanks. You can wake me up if breakfast is ready. Make it quick, though. I am starving."

Kai Xin exuded a slight laugh after that.

A few minutes after Zach had finished preparing the table and setting everything up, he decided to take a seat and catch his breath.

"Why do you cook so immaculately every single day? Do you not know when to take it easy?"

Kai asked with his muffled voice from his pillow.

"It is not every day, we delegate it and alternate the cooking designation. Also, it does not matter who is eating, as long as it is not my father, I will prepare food the same way every single time – as presentable and delightful as possible."

Zach said proudly.

"You really are geeking out right now, I did not take you for someone who was fond of cooking." Kai said. But something had really gotten his attention and he wanted to press on. "Your father? Why wouldn't you cook as delightfully and as presentably as possible for your dad, man? I mean I would not really understand it I bet, because I am an orphan myself, but still though…"

"Forget I said that, it is nothing."

Zachary immediately responded.

Seeing as Zach was not about to be persuaded into sharing things, Kai just responded with a simple nodding groan.

Zachary walked upstairs with no rush, he needed to wake Yin and Suna up. His slow walk was a much needed breather before doing the gargantuan task of waking these pigs up. 

"This is the worst part of being assigned to cook breakfast."

Kai, who was just chilling downstairs, heard the commotion. He could have sworn things were flying everywhere.

"Hmm. Weird. I know they are rookies, but they seem to have lackluster chemistry.. They also do not look like they grew up together. I wonder where Luken got these rookies from and why…"