Chapter 33

Chapter 33 – Confusion and Selfishness (4)

When I opened my eyes, my head hurt because of the hangover.

In my previous life, I was not good at drinking alcohol, but I did not have a hangover. A hazy mind and a throbbing head. My stomach churning was awkward. It was the kind of pain I had never experienced.

My back, which had been overworked, throbbed. I fumbled around with my hands in a burning thirst.

“Hu…”

“Are you awake?”

As I shifted my gaze towards the sound, I could see Lepis looking at me in a neat outfit. He glanced at me with indifferent eyes before letting out a low sigh. He slowly walked over to me and took off his coat, and wrapped it around me.

“…Water.”

A cracked voice leaked out.

In pain, I lowered myself and took a deep breath. While Lepis held out a mug to me, I took it and drank it. Leaning my exhausted body on the back of the bed, I calmed my jittery vision.

Lepis… It was a face I hadn’t seen in a long time.

I asked him shyly.

“I heard that something big happened.”

“…Something big, isn’t everyday life something big?”

He bit his lip. An unknown, first-of-a-kind emotion entered the purple eyes. He was silent and let out a soft sigh.

“Rewan is gone.”

“Is it.”

An unfamiliar, subtle emotion arose. Even though I told him to go, I was sad that he went… Yet it was reassuring. It was funny to have a ‘sad’ feeling in the first place. Contrary to usual, my expressionless face was not well built. I just hid my emotions and continued talking.

“…That’s good to hear.”

Lepis’ unknown gaze met mine again.

“Is that all?”

“You made a mistake in your servant’s education.”

I smiled and glanced at him. Lepis looked at me like he was looking at a strange person. For a moment, silence filled the room. I wanted to get him out of the room quickly.

‘…Oh. This is Distria’s bedroom, so I have to be the one to get out.’

“Is that all there is to it?”

Lepis pulled the cord and called the handmaids. He ordered my bath and gazed at me for a long time. His eyes flashed with lust for an instant before he closed his eyes and sighed.

“…I heard that you met him in Acacia’s mansion.”

“….”

I was silent for a while. The Emperor knew that I had met Rewan. However, he did not show any negative reaction. I remembered the man who I had been ignoring in the mansion, kneeling at my feet.

“…What happened to Acacia?”

Lepis nodded his head. I hurriedly got up, and the cloak that Lepis had covered on me fell off.

Acacia was vaguely aware of the disadvantage he would receive in return for allowing me to meet Rewan. I thought it didn’t matter. Nevertheless, the development was different from the original story, and it caused another incident. I didn’t want to cause a strange wave.

It may be a meaningless effort, but to me, who was shaking everything, it was some kind of lifeline to follow the original story… that there was a desired ending.

I didn’t want them to have any special feelings for me. I felt guilty — wearing Arne’s shell, playing her, getting the comforting that I shouldn’t deserve to get — I came here to have fun… Don’t sympathize with me.

…Sympathize with her, who hated this place that she ran away from.

I felt guilty. I didn’t want to add that sin. I was having fun, why did you guys take the pain?

Lepis picked up the fallen robe and put it on my shoulder. The handmaids came in as soon as the bath water was ready. He glanced at me.

“Are you worried about him?”

My head hurts. I didn’t have any special feelings for him, it was just my utter selfishness.

“If so?”

Contrary to my heart, I spat out different words, feeling sick. Lepis gestured to the handmaids. Seeing them get out of the room, he said to me.

“I will help.”

He said bluntly.

“I will take you to him.”

“…What do you want?”

Lepis let out a low sigh. He looked at me with sorrowful eyes. His gaze was burdensome, so I turned away.

“…Nothing.”

Why…? In the first place, he didn’t do anything to her, who really needed his help. Why did he sympathize with me? I don’t need it… Rather, their worries aroused feelings that needed no sympathy.

I unwrapped the robe he had covered on me.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

I lost my sense of reality at the horrific scene unfolding before my eyes. My senses were brought up to the awful smell of blood.

The knight’s uniform that Acacia was wearing was torn to such an extent that it was difficult to think of his original neat appearance. His arms were tied behind his back and hung from chains on the ceiling. Even criminals were not tortured so horribly. Besides he was the Knights Commander, Distria’s escort…

Drip. Drip…

Blood dripping from his body pooled on the floor, creating a puddle.

“Ha… What is the crime?”

“…It is a sin of having a relationship with a knight of an enemy country.”

Last night, I realized why Distria wasn’t angry. He already had his anger vented, and I didn’t have to pay. Even at this tragic sight, I felt a sense of relief that he hasn’t changed. The idea that the people here should not change might be ridiculous.

…Even I was feeling feelings toward Rewan that Arne did not feel in the beginning.

“Is he… is he alright?”

As I looked at Lepis, he avoided my gaze. It was stuffy. It was hard to breathe. For Heaven’s sake, I couldn’t understand their minds. At first, I only wanted one thing from them. However, I expected and wanted only one thing.

Pleasant s*x. Sometimes coercive s*x. Constant pleasure.

I did not want this unnecessary sympathy, worry, and compassion…

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“…I don’t know either.”

I knew that what he was saying was the truth. I was enveloped in an even more devastating, unknown feeling.

With the key that he had brought, Lepis opened the door to the torture chamber where he was imprisoned. Approaching Acacia, he freed the chains from which he was hanging.

Then, Lepis picked up Acacia that fell helplessly. I wiped his body with a towel soaked in water and took off the eye cover covering his eyes. The more I wiped it off, the clearer the wounds were, and the more my saliva flowed.

Why am I even doing this…? No matter how far they go, I have no intention of escaping from this Imperial Palace. Originally, it was to follow what Arne had experienced. Their actions made me feel as if what I was doing was wrong.

A sense of guilt that I did not feel when I opened the gates of the kingdom while ignoring the people of the kingdom who were loyal to Arne.

Negative emotions. I was feeling guilty now.

…Then, what do I do? It was already over… I can’t turn it back. I have no intention of turning back.

“Don’t do this to me.”

“….”

“This doesn’t change anything.”

I mumbled something that I didn’t know if it was meant for them or for me. I felt more guilty about their actions, knowing that it wouldn’t change… Knowing that I would never change…

“It never changes how I hate you.”

“….”

“Even if you die in front of me, I will rather be happy, not sad.”

I didn’t even know what expression I was having while muttering these words.

* * *

Acacia was not dead. Lepis said as if trying to reassure me that the punishment given to him in the first place was enough to not kill him.

Acacia came to his senses faster than expected and recovered quickly. In the room where he had guarded until the doorstep was worn out, I did not visit him after he recovered.

I thought it would be difficult to make eye contact with him. I thought I would remember him, who was all over the place, covered in blood.

…Why was it so twisted? Did it go wrong when I slept with Distria the first time? Or, when I had s*x with Lepis…? I didn’t know that small changes, which I was only a little concerned about, would cause such a big impact.

In fact, I didn’t know to what extent I could have predicted it. I didn’t want to think deeply, so I just ignored it. I focused only on the pleasure of the moment in front of me. I didn’t know it would go this far.

I was stupid. It was my fault.

Every night, Distria looked for me. As if to show off that I belonged to him, he put red marks here and there. It reminded me of Acacia who had acted kindly and turned into a half-dead person. I wasn’t scared or creeped out.

Rather, it was nice that it was no longer uncomfortable, that he was no longer kind to me.

Looking at me in the white slip with indifferent eyes, Distria caressed my ear with a gentle hand. My body warmed up little by little as his hands were full of sexual intentions.

“Rewan is gone, did you know?”

“….”

…Was he asking because he knew, or was he asking because he didn’t know?

Distria’s hand gradually descended. He pulled the peaked n*pples over the slip and teased them. He asked, licking my lips.

“Answer.”

He lightly untied the laces of my panties that I wore under the white slip as he shoved one finger into me before rubbing the moistened inner wall.

“…No.”

Distria’s brow furrowed as though it wasn’t the answer he wanted.

He stopped licking my breasts with an uneasy expression and pulled his teeth. A sharp pain spread through my chest. Chewing on the tip, he bit the breasts and licked with his tongue while he caressed the other side as well.

I gasped for breath under him, with my arms tied up.

Licking my lips with his tongue, which had been soaked with saliva, his red eyes were full of playfulness.

“I should give you a punishment for telling a lie.”

‘…Yes, please. Please, give me a lot. A hundred times, a thousand times, please.’

Distria brought a smooth-looking wood carving. I knew at once that what he had brought was an adult product like a dildo. Even in the original story, there were occasional plays using tools. Of course, it wasn’t as good as the real adult stuff.

At least, that wood carving was something like a dildo or an anal flag though there was no vibration or automatic function.

Still, my heart was pounding with anticipation.

The wood carving was coming towards underneath me.