Chapter 40.1 - Regret on Bed

「I’m home.」

That’s all I said and walked quickly up the stairs without even looking at the living room.

「Welcome home, oneechan.」

As I walked into my room, I threw my bag into my area and let my body fall on the bed.

I’ve done it. I just said it. I didn’t mean to tell him that at all but Souta responded in a vague manner.

Just because of that. Then, I recalled what happened earlier.

AAHHHHH! I’m an idiot! How can I face Souta next time we meet? IDIOOOTTTTT!

I put on the blanket and roll around my narrow bed, flapping my legs as hard as I can.

I know that this won’t change reality but still, I have to do something to keep my sanity. If I had a time machine, I wouldn’t hesitate to use it and go punch myself in the face.

「Oneechan, dinner’s ready. Also, shut up.」

「I won’t eat.」

「Is that so? Then, I’ll tell mother.」

That said, Iori went back to the first floor.

Thanks to Iori, I came back to reality and calmed down a little. I opened the back I had thrown, grabbed my phone, and went back to bed. Instead of opening the chat app I often use, I opened the email of my phone. After typing the address, I closed the app.

What if I don’t get a reply? What if he rejects me? What if he changes his address….

Even though I knew that he’s not the kind of person who would do such things, all these “what ifs” were running through my head and I couldn’t move my fingers as usual.

I opened my usual chat app to change my mood but there’s no one I can chat with. I had no choice but to look back at the pictures saved on my phone.

Anyway, I wanted to think about something else. Luckily, I have photos of Risa and her sisters.

-0-

As I looked at the pictures, I felt like I was looking back in time, especially when I found the picture of the result of the end of the year exam.

It didn’t take long for me to remember what this photo was. Everything begins with this photo.

-0-

It was about four months ago. Our circle decided to have the person with the worst score at the end of the year exam undergo the worst punishment game. The person who got the highest score in the end-of-the-year exam was Risa. I got the lowest score in our group. The punishment game that Risa imposed on me was to confess my feelings to the person I like.

I managed to escape by saying I don’t have one but the situation changed when we changed classes and were placed in the same class as Souta.

There was no way a girl in love in the same class with the guy she likes would not pay him any attention. I put on my makeup more carefully than usual and I secretly followed him with my eyes during class.

Risa, who had a keen sense of intuition, saw through my changes within a week and asked me.

She made me tell her everything, including when I fell in love with Souta and what I liked about him. She told me to go and confess my feelings. I remember Risa cheering on me with all her might.

-0-

With her support, I finally called Souta to the rooftop.

When I finally met with Souta on the rooftop, he said he doesn’t have money and even turned his wallet over. I shook my head and then, he asked me with a serious face if I wanted him to send a love letter to his friend.

Still, I wasn’t able to say anything. He said with a gentle expression to take my time until I’m prepared to say it. Seeing him like that gave me the last push to confess my feelings to him. However, a confused Souta asked me if I was undergoing a punishment game. And my once-in-a-lifetime confession was ruined.

Please don’t tsukomi my once-in-a-lifetime confession is a punishment game.

I honestly told Souta that I’m indeed doing it for a punishment game but I followed up by saying “The punishment game is to confess to the person you like so please go out with me.” but it seems like my voice is too small to be heard.

After meeting with Souta, I spoke with Risa and finally realized that Souta’s reply was forgiving me for the punishment game confession. It seems like Souta thought that it was a false confession because of the punishment game.

That day I found out, I was really depressed, and rolled around like what I’ve been doing earlier. Thinking about Souta, I got depressed and didn’t even want to go to school the next day. I even thought of completely stopping going to school. Nevertheless, thanks to the misunderstanding, the distance between Souta and I got much closer.

And finally, I went to Souta’s house to celebrate his birthday and when he dropped me off on the way home, I was too excited that I made the mistake earlier.

It’s ridiculous. No matter how close we got, who would believe the words of a woman who said she confessed to him once because of a punishment game? Yes, he might be thinking that it’s another punishment game. Or perhaps he’s thinking that I’m a weirdo.

Ah, how I hate my past self.

Once again, I rolled around my bed and everything on it was moving around with me.

「Oneechan, can you stop being disgusting?」

Iori, who had come back to the room before I knew it, said so so I stopped being disgusting according to her.

Can’t you consider a school girl’s feelings before saying something like that?

「Wasn’t today Amane-san’s birthday? Did you do something?」

I nodded.

「When oneechan does strange things, it is related to Amane-san. The bath is free, why don’t you go in? If you want to talk about it, I’ll follow after you.」

There’s no way I’m telling you about it. Even though I’m not calm yet, I know that I’m a terrible woman. I would feel better if I talk about it but Iori, who adores Souta, might get angry and tell Souta everything.

If that happens, I can already see the future where Yuna-chan, who loves her oniichan, would confront and tell me to not get involved with him anymore.

My negative imagination knows no bound so let’s just take a bath and go to bed. I’m not the type of person that will forget everything after sleeping but I would at least feel a little better if I sleep.

「No, I’m fine now. I’ll take a bath alone.」

With that, I finally got up from the bed and left the room.