"I ... I love you, you know that ..." said the man in a low voice, but his tone was serious. "I don't want to be your kept man. I don't want men out there to approach you because they think you're still single. I want you to be proud of Lily and me and not hide us from the world as if we embarrass you ..."
"If I didn't love the two of you, I'd have left after I gave birth to Lily three months ago. Are you blind or stupid??? Can't you see? I'm still here, aren't I?" L's voice sounded so tired. Tears rolled down her cheeks again. "I'm just trying to live a normal life and work to build my career as well as possible ... Why should I be forced to choose? Other artists also hide their personal lives for privacy reasons ... why must I be forced to open up about myself? You seem only satisfied if I've lost my career ..."
"It's not like that, L ... You know I've always supported you from the beginning. I even bought Brilliant Mind Media to launch your career. I want you to be happy. I help you become famous because you always said how much you wanted to be a famous singer. You are very talented and you deserve to become a superstar ..." London finally lowered L to the floor so he could wipe away the girl's tears.
Really, L tears always broke his heart. He would rather see L angry.
"You keep saying it over and over again. How do you think I would feel, if people knew that everything I have now was given to me on a silver platter, not because of my own abilities and talents? You know the entertainment industry is cutthroat. People won't hesitate to ruin other people's careers with gossip ...
Sometimes I even doubt myself. I am not sure if I am really talented. I never got the chance to achieve something with my own hands ... From the very beginning, since I was contracted by Brilliant Mind Media, my path was made so smooth. In less than a year I had become a superstar. Do you know how many people are gossiping about me sleeping with the boss because of that? Do you know what it's like to enter a room and people laugh at you quietly??"
L did not brush off London's hand that was wiping her tears, but for some reason, her tears didn't stop flowing. This was the first time that L poured out her heart's content. She vented all her resentment from the past year.
"L, You're very talented. Don't ever doubt yourself ..."
"In this cruel world, talent alone is not enough. Why do you think I want to get along with that rotten Stephan Zimmerman? You need to work hard and find the right connection to help you succeed in the entertainment industry..." L said again.
"If you are so desperate that you expect that jerk, Stephan, to help your career, why can't I be such a connection for you?" asked London, not understanding. "I feel as though whatever I've done for you is never right."
"You're not a normal connection ... It's natural to use connections like Stephan to help me pave my way to meet lots of people, try to get projects and contracts, work hard ... But with you, that's not what happened. You're not such a connection." L was desperately trying to explain her point. This was not an easy thing to explain, and L was not gifted at talking. She was a quiet girl who wouldn't talk unless she had to.
"Then what kind of connection am I to you?" London urged her.
"Uhh ... you are like Santa Claus who grants all my wishes and d.e.s.i.r.es. I don't need to work or do anything but I will still get whatever I want. I don't have to make an effort to get a contract or a project or anything at all, everything was thrown into my l.a.p so easily. .. This makes me depressed. I feel like all my hard work doesn't mean anything..."
Oh my God ... This is so confusing, London thought. Other people would be happy to meet Santa Clause who would grant all their wishes, but this girl was just the opposite, How could getting everything she wanted be depressing?
"I didn't know all my kindness actually make you depressed..." London finally said. "All I want to do is to make you happy ..."
L sighed.
"Have you ever been in any competition?" she finally asked. "Sports competition, Math Olympics, Contest... or anything?"
London shook his head. He grew up without attending formal education at school like other children, so he did not have many friends. He only saw such competition on TV.
"I've seen something like that. So?"
"What if, you take part in a competition, and you train hard to show your abilities to your opponent. But on the day of the match, your parents immediately announce to all participants that you are the winner and give you a trophy in front of all the other children who are supposed to be competing. How do you think you would feel? How do you think other kids who watched it would feel? Do you understand me now? "
London was silent. He began to understand L's point of view
"Do you feel that all your hard work and talent are meaningless because I always give you what you want? All those commercial contracts, performances, and projects given to you make you feel meaningless?" he asked softly.
L nodded. "Other kids who see me get a trophy without having to work hard would also hate... That makes it harder for me to make friends. I have no social life because a lot of people hate me."
"Oh ..." London sighed. He did not know this. "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I didn't know."
"Now, you know," L said with a sigh. Somehow the heavy burden on her c.h.e.s.t began to disappear. She was relieved that she was finally able to vent everything that had been bothering her about their relationship. They lived together long enough, but the two never talked heart-to-heart like this.
"I'm glad you finally told me. I can't read minds, L ..." London finally said.
"We do have a terrible communication problem," L. replied
"Terrible.. yes. Very bad ..." London nodded in agreement.