Chapter 55

Shocked and confused, Sam simply stood there as he watched the woman he loved run down the stairs and away from him. All he remembered was being very frustrated and restless at work. Thus, thinking being at home would ease his mind, he returned to find himself getting even more frustrated and restless sexually, thinking about Chan. The next thing he knew, he opened his eyes to find Nina sitting on the couch before him, smiling. Then she moved down and kissed him. When he'd heard the thud of books falling to the floor, he shoved Nina back to find Chan watching them.

Shit! He raked his hand through his hair. He'd really mucked everything up big time. His intention yesterday was to clarify his feelings for Chan, and now what the hell just happened?

Nina chose that moment to enter the scene, a smile on her lips.

"Sam," she said softly. "Is everything okay?"

Sam turned around, his eyes dark. "What the hell was that about, Nina?"

The dark tone in Sam's voice didn't put a doubt in Nina's mind that he was pissed. Very pissed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said evasively.

She shrugged. "She came in without knocking. It's her fault she saw what she didn't mean to see."

Sam closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm his temper. He'd never blown his temper to anyone before. Heck, he'd never had a temper in all his life. Even during the chaos at accepting the news of his wife's death, he hadn't been in a rage. He'd merely accepted it as an accident and sank into depression. But not raged. Never raged.

At the moment, however, he was enraged. Quietly but surely fuming inside.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked.

Nina had the nerve to blush at the query. She glanced away and said, "Because I wanted to."

Sam knew he had to make one thing clear for her to understand.

"Nina, if I ever made you think there is any more than just friendship between us, I sincerely apologize. You're just a friend; that's all. I loved Sarah, and Sarah loved you as her friend. I accept you as Sarah's friend and mine, but that's all." He chuckled sadly. "But Chandra… she's the woman I love now. Have fallen in love with her since the first time I met her. Understand that and accept it. I know you've been keen, hoping something between us would happen. But let me put it clearly; it's never going to happen."

Nina just stared at him, shocked in disbelief. "Sam! I was here all along, helping you and everything."

Sam raked his fingers through his hair again. "Yes. I know, and I'm very thankful for that. I am thankful you were here during my time of need, when I was at my lowest. I don't know how much more thank you I can give. But understand it's time to move on. I'm in love with Chan now, and I'm going to ask her to go into a serious relationship with me." He chuckled. "Now I don't know if you'll support me in this, and I'll be honest, I don't actually care. I love Chan, Nina. Lilly loves Chan. And that's all there is to it."

Nina gritted her teeth and glared. "What the fuck are you saying, Sam? Lilly doesn't love me? I don't matter in your life anymore?"

"Nina, I don't want you to take what I'm telling you the wrong way. We're still friends. At least, I hope we are, and I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't want to hurt me?" She spat. "Yeah, right." With that, she rushed into the office.

A moment later, she returned with her bag on her shoulder. As she passed Sam, she said, "If you want to know, I don't support your love for that little piece of shit. Have never liked her or her sisters. I've loved you, Sam, since the first day I saw you with Sarah. I've waited, hoped. But now what? That little piece of shit just shows up and steals you away from me? I don't think so."

With that, she rushed toward the stairs.

Sam frowned. "Nina! What the heck are you going on about?"

Nina waved him away in frustration. "Fuck off, Sam. Just fuck off."

Alone, Sam returned to his office, his mind reeling with confusion. Then his mind shifted to Chan, and a lump formed in his throat. Shit! He'd really screwed everything up, hadn't he? What the hell was he supposed to do now?

A knock came at the door a moment later, and Marian poked her head in. "Sam?" she asked. "Is everything all right?"

Sam raised his head, his eyes dark. "Uh… Yes."

Marian frowned. "It's nearly three. Do you want me to pick up Lilly or—"

He cut her short. "No. I'll do that," he said, moving off the couch.

Twenty minutes later, Lilly was sitting on the back seat in the car, humming to herself, oblivious to her father's painful dilemma. They were home a couple more minutes after that. They were in the living area for a little snack before dinner when Sam saw the ripe, plump strawberries in a bowl on the table. Lilly couldn't help herself, rushed forward, and popped one into her mouth.

"It's delicious, Daddy," she said with glee before grabbing another.

Sam picked one and popped that into his mouth as well. Fresh, juicy sweetness burst over his tongue. It was odd to have such a beautiful, delicious fruit on such a painful day. This, of course, only made him sadder.

"When did you buy these, Marian?" he asked the housekeeper as he picked another.

Marian raised her head. "Oh, the strawberries? Chan gave them to us."

The name made his heart ache something fierce within his chest. Shit!

He dropped the strawberries back into the bowl, feeling a little sick at the thought of the woman he loved.

"Sweet and delicious, aren't they?" Marian commented.

Lilly agreed. "Chan is so nice."

Marian said, "She dropped some books off for you, too, Lilly."

The little girl jumped up from her spot. "Really?" she asked excitedly. "Where are they?"

Marian cocked her head to one side. She was about to answer when Sam said, "In my office, sweetheart."

Lilly didn't need to be told twice where they were. She raced out the door and disappeared in an instant. Sam leaned back against the couch, his eyes on the strawberries, his heart aching, his mind in a muddle of confusion.