Book 3: Chapter 12

“In the end, we really spent the night at a stranger’s house,” Alice said with a sigh. She stared out the window, sunlight pouring into her eyes through the gaps between the trees. The skeleton by her side didn’t respond, causing her to frown. She knocked on its skull with her knuckles. “Hey. At least snore when you sleep so I know you’re not dead.”

“What are you talking about?” a voice asked from the doorway leading into the room.

Alice raised her head. A skeleton was leaning against the doorframe with a book in its hands. Alice’s eyes widened before she let out an ear-piercing scream. “What the hell!?” She kicked the skeleton lying beside her, launching it into the wall and causing it to shatter on impact. “Nate! You! What—, gah! Was that a real skeleton!?”

“Uh, no,” Mr. Skelly said as he placed the book onto a nearby table. He used his feet to sweep the broken bones into a neat pile that he shoved into a corner of the room. “Of course not. You must’ve been imagining things.”

Alice’s eyes flashed with a yellow light as the rune on her forehead lit up. Translucent golden fangs sprouted from her mouth as she leapt out of bed, landing on all fours. With a roar, she pounced forward, knocking Mr. Skelly to the ground. A few bone-breaking moments later, Alice’s rune disappeared as she stomped out of the room, leaving behind a disassembled, shattered skeleton.

In the bathroom, which surprisingly had running water, Alice rinsed off her face and dried it with a cloth towel. She stared into the mirror above the sink and sighed. “Am I too harsh on him?” she muttered to her reflection. “He did say fooling people was one of the greatest joys in life for him after becoming an undead…. Ugh. But if he wants to prank someone, why does it have to be me?” She shook her head before taking in a deep breath. “Maybe I should help him start that war he was going on about. But wouldn’t it be wrong to start a war just to please him? Yes, it would. And that’s why you”—she pointed at herself in the mirror—“need to gather evidence of the king’s wrongdoings.”

“Ms. Alice? Who are you talking to?”

Alice flinched as her face flushed red. She scratched her neck as she opened the door to the bathroom. “I was just clearing my throat,” she said to the woman standing outside. By the woman’s side, there was a little girl that had the same face as the little meatball. Alice ruffled the little girl’s hair. “How are you doing? Feeling better?”

The girl shook her head back and forth, her short hair whipping against her cheeks. “The skeleton is scary.”

Alice’s face darkened. “Right? He might look really scary, but he’s actually even scarier once you get to know him as a person. For your own good, you should stay away from him.”

“What? How rude; I’m the definition of a gentleman,” Mr. Skelly said, popping his skull into the hallway from the bedroom doorframe.

The little girl trembled and opened her mouth, bawling out loud as tears fell from the corners of her eyes. She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut with a bang. The woman glared at Mr. Skelly before sighing at Alice. “Why don’t you take your companion and go outside for a bit?”

“I’ll do that,” Alice said, speaking towards her feet. She raised her head and narrowed her eyes at Mr. Skelly, drawing a line across her neck with her thumb. “Stop terrifying children, alright?”

“Then it’s okay to terrify adults?” Mr. Skelly asked as Alice pulled him along, dragging him out of the house. “You should be more openminded. Children should receive the same treatment as adults. They have every right to be terrified by skeletons too.”

“Children don’t want to be terrified!” Alice frowned at Mr. Skelly. “I’m going to buy a suit of armor for you. It’ll come with a helmet that covers your face too.”

“You … don’t like looking at my face?” Mr. Skelly asked, clutching his chest as he bent over. Fat tears leaked out of his eye sockets, plopping onto the ground.

Alice smacked the back of his head. “Stop it. You’re making a scene.”

Dozens of villagers—all of them women—were standing around, whispering while pointing at the couple. Mr. Skelly sighed, causing some of the women to gasp and take steps back. “Alright,” he said, his tears vanishing. “For your sake, I’ll wear a suit of armor. I understand you become jealous very easily, so I’ll hide my face to prevent women from falling in love with me at first sight. And a suit of armor will provide many opportunities for me to approach people without causing alarm before I scare them.”

“You really like scaring people, huh?” Alice mumbled.

Mr. Skelly nodded. “It’s my only form of release.”

Alice bit her lower lip. “Is it tough? I mean, you know, being dead and all. Is living life as a skeleton difficult? That’s what I meant.”

“Is being a skeleton difficult…,” Mr. Skelly said and rubbed his lower jaw. “It’s actually really convenient. You don’t have to eat. You don’t have to poop. You don’t have to breathe. You don’t have to worry about dying. You can’t even feel pain. If you’re tired, you can hibernate to preserve mana. When it’s cold out, you don’t need to wear a jacket. When it’s hot out, you don’t even sweat. Mosquitoes don’t bite you. Dogs will flock to you. And you don’t even have to worry about getting fat.” He nodded and grinned at Alice.

“So … if you could come back to life, would you?” Alice asked.

“Without a doubt,” Mr. Skelly said. “If I missed being dead after coming back to life, it wouldn’t be too hard to change that again with the help of my trusty ol’ sword.”

Alice punched Mr. Skelly’s sternum. “Don’t say things like that.”

“But you asked?”

Alice snorted. “Forget it. Let’s go explore this village and find a reason to start a war.”