117 The Virgin Shooter

Harper's joy was premature. It took them over four hours to find the hotel his friend worked at. And when they did, unexpected complications ensued.

"We only take guests who can pay in the new currency," Harper's friend told him. Harper's friend was a tall, handsome mulatto, with short curly brown hair and large, moody eyes. His name was Jordan. Astonishingly, he was wearing a clean white shirt. Li Yang hadn't see anyone in a clean shirt, let alone a clean white shirt, in quite a while.

"But no one has any of the new currency just yet," protested Harper. Jordan smirked and said:

"You're wrong. As of this moment, we have seven paying guests."

"Seven! You've got what, a couple of hundred rooms?"

"A hundred and twelve," Jordan said. "Our rooms are much bigger than the standard hotel rooms. That's why this hotel is called Hotel Excelsior. Get it?"

"You've got seven people paying you with the new currency? They're paying you with coins? What coins?"

"Silver dollars," Jordan said with offended dignity.

"Silver dollars! And how much do you charge per night?"

"A dollar."

Harper was stunned.

"A dollar," he repeated weakly. "A single dollar?"

"That's right. It includes an English breakfast. And every room is guaranteed to have at least one working light."

It was immediately clear to everyone they simply HAD to get rooms at the Hotel Excelsior.

After twenty minutes of increasingly frenzied negotiations, Jordan relented slightly. He consented to take Charlene's gold anklet as payment. There was a delay as one of the hotel's guests - a jeweler by trade - was woken up and asked to evaluate the anklet. He was an elderly man and grumbled a lot, and had to be promised a fee - a silver ring also belonging to Charlene - for his professional services.

"This is eighteen karats," he pronounced finally.

"What?! It's twenty four karats!" exclaimed Charlene.

"Eighteen," said the jeweler. "Seven-eight grams. Now that," he said, pointing at Olga's nose, "That is twenty four karat gold. See the difference?"

"I'm not giving up my nose ring," Olga said immediately.

"Why not? It makes you look like a stupid savage," said Charlene.

"Shut up," barked Harper. He turned to Jordan.

"Seven grams of eighteen carat gold is still a lot of gold," he said. "That's the equivalent of seventy grams of silver."

"Fifty," said the jeweler. "It's eighteen karat gold. Can I go back to sleep now?"

He left without waiting for an answer.

"A gram of silver is worth ten cents," said Jordan. "So you guys are good for five dollars. A little less, because it's not coin. I can let you have four rooms for that. All the rooms have double beds."

"I'm not sharing a room with you, Harper," said Charlene. "It's my anklet and I'm entitled to a room of my own."

"No way," said Olga. "You snore."

"For fuck's sake," said Jake Donato. He stepped up to the reception counter and deposited a handful of small coins in front of Jordan. Harper was dumbfounded.

"Where did you get those?" he asked.

"I was working for guys that had registered a mint back in New York," Jake told him. Jordan was busy examining the small copper coins Jake had dropped on the counter. He pushed them around with a finger and held a couple close to his eyes and finally said:

"They seem legit. But you've only got a total of seventy nine cents here."

"You've also got a five-dollar anklet," Harper reminded Jordan.

"Enough," said Charlene. "We want to talk to the manager of this dump."

Jordan smiled at her and said:

"You're looking at him. I'm the manager and also one of the owners of this dump, as you put it. And your big mouth is starting to piss me off."

"I apologize for my sister, Jordan," Harper said quickly. "We've been on the road for twenty hours now and everyone's tired and short-tempered. Can we finalize this deal?"

Jordan pursed his lips and said:

"Five rooms. Third floor, you'll have the whole floor to yourself. Take it or leave it."

Li Yang and Jake Donato looked at each other. Li Yang nodded.

"We'll share a room," Jake said.

"Good," said Jordan. "You can leave your bicycles in the restaurant on the ground floor. It's closed and they'll be safe there. Then take the stairs to the third floor, and take any room you like. But five rooms total, do we understand each other?"

"You aren't giving us any keys?" asked Harper.

"There aren't any keys. We had a hell of a time getting rid of the electronic locks. And so far we couldn't find a locksmith to install new key-operated locks in the guest rooms. Checkout time is noon, make sure you leave by then."

"But it's almost midnight!" cried Charlene. Jordan looked at her heavily, and said:

"Okay, one o'clock. Special deal. Don't try my patience any harder. Hot water between eight and nine, and breakfast will be brought to your rooms between nine and ten. Remove the Please Don't Disturb signs from the doors of your rooms so that we know where you are."

They wheeled their bicycles into the big, dark dining room, and trooped upstairs in a heavy silence. Now that everyone's immediate future was secure, their thoughts returned to the shooting at the crossroads. Inevitably, Li Yang and Jake began talking about it the moment they'd settled in their room.

They settled on a room with two single beds, which compensated for the fact the door couldn't be closed properly: they had to use the plastic wedge provided for that purpose. Both the door and the door jamb featured tacky pieces of plywood nailed over the holes left after the removal of the electronic lock.

"I'll take the bed near the door," said Jake. "Anyone tries anything funny, I'll pop them one. Hey, man. Why the long face? Look, we got two working lights - one by each bed."

"It's that shootout with the bonfire guys," Li Yang said. "I can't help thinking it was all my fault."

"Why?"

"I started it."

"Bullshit. I started it. Or maybe Bobby did."

"I fired the first shot," Li Yang insisted. "I was the one that shot that guy in leather."

"You shot him?"

"Yeah."

"Then so did I, twice. I shot the guy next to him next, twice as well. And Olga and Bobby got a guy apiece."

"How do you know?"

"What do you mean, how do I know? I saw it happen."

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I was confused. And I couldn't see well, I was looking down the barrel when I fired and the flash blinded me for a couple of seconds."

"Well yeah," Jake said suspiciously. "It was over pretty fast. Tell me something. Did you ever shoot a gun before? Or was that the first time?"

Li Yang swallowed a couple of times, and said:

"That was the first time."

"Aah, alright then," Jake said. "Now I understand. Listen, what happened wasn't your fault."

"I think it was."

Jake sighed.

"I see I have some serious explaining to do," he said.

A few doors down the hallway from their room, Harper was seeing the same thing.

"Stop bitching about paying for everyone's rooms, Charlene," he said. His sister had invaded his room the moment she'd claimed hers, and proceeded to make many hurtful remarks about Harper's sense of justice and intelligence in general.

"You think I don't have the right to bitch about paying for everyone?" she hissed. "Why didn't Bobby pay? Why didn't Olga?"

"Because Jordan wouldn't have taken a nose ring with her snot on it," snapped Harper. He checked himself. He sighed theatrically, and said:

"I'm sorry, Charlene. This is getting out of hand. We all agreed at the start that half of what everyone had was automatically communal property. You have enough anklets to outfit an Egyptian dancing troupe."

"It was twenty four karat gold! That lying old Jew - "

"He is Greek," Harper said. "I got his business card. Now, listen, Charlene. I promise you than soon enough, you'll see Olga without a single ring in her face."

The utter improbability of Harper's prophecy struck Charlene speechless for a moment.

"I'll become the Queen of England before that happens," she declared.

"There's no such thing as the Queen of England," said Harper, as detail-minded as ever.

"Exactly."

"Charlene," said Harper, "The moment we get to Jimmy's farm, we'll pool our communal resources. That will be the moment your throw one anklet less onto the pile."

"And a ring," said Charlene. "Don't forget about the ring. It was pure silver, and had a precious stone."

"It was amber."

"Amber is a precious stone."

Harper sighed again, and this time no theatrics were involved. His head was starting to ache. He said:

"All right. One anklet, gold, one ring, silver, one precious stone. I'll remember that."

"The weight's important to. Do you remember what it weighed, or should I remind you?"

"Why don't you do that when we get to Jimmy's farm," said Harper. "And in the meantime - how about we both get some sleep? We're supposed to be out of our rooms by one, but I want to leave earlier than that. We've still got a long way to go. I hope we won't have any more incidents like today's."

Charlene didn't move to leave. She was uncharacteristically silent for a while. Then she said:

"That thing with those assholes at the crossroads. It doesn't bother you, Harper?"

Harper was in the act of lying down on his bed. He jerked upright and said:

"Did you shoot anyone, Charlene?"

"No. You know I didn't."

"Neither have I," said Harper.

"I see," said Charlene. She left right after that, and Harper had to get up from the bed anyway to wedge the door shut. He walked back to his bed and stopped and looked around.

"I didn't shoot anyone," he told the empty room. Then he switched off the bedside lamp and stretched out on the bed without taking off his clothes. The room wasn't warm enough for that.

After a while he got up and took the gun he'd gotten from Bobby, and put it under his pillow before lying down again.

He didn't shoot anyone, but there was a first time for everything. And whatever happened for the first time always happened unexpectedly.

It was better to be prepared.

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