Chapter 151 - Not A Burden

"I just don't want to be a burden on you guys. I want to....."

"YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN ON US!" Domenic immediately silenced her as he reminded her that they never saw her as a burden.

"You are our sister, Emilia. A precious member of our family and an irreplaceable person in our lives. Not a burden. Did any of us ever made you feel like you are a burden on us?" He asked as he looked at her with questioning eyes.

Emily slowly shook her head as she took hold of both of her brother's hands as she spoke, "I know that none of you see me as a burden.....but that can't change the reality. How many people have lost their lives in order to protect me? How many have got seriously injured? Even Daniel and Mark were....." 

She trailed off as her throat suddenly felt stuffed because of her emotional state.

"Is this all about what happened to Mark? Is that why you have been acting so detached for the past two weeks? Is that why you suddenly decided to take such a big decision without even thinking about all of us?" Domenic asked her as he looked at her with disappointment clearly visible in his eyes.

But to his surprise, Emily shook her head in response.

"No! I'm not leaving because I'm feeling guilty for what happened to Mark. I indeed hate myself for being the reason behind his current state. I'm guilty because I know that because of me, several people have already lost their lives. But my decision of leaving you all and this City is just not based on that guilt." 

She became silent for a few seconds as she slowly let go of Domenic's hands and stepped away from him. She walked towards the family photo frame of her and her brothers that was sitting on the wooden desk. She picked it up and brushed her fingers across the frame as she took in the warmth that the photo held in it.

"I'm tired, Nick. I'm tired of living in the shadows of my past. I'm tired of living on the edge all the time, under the blanket of fear, and in the paws of the darkness that resides inside me. I'm tired of running."

She placed the photo frame back on the table before she turned to look at her brother.

"All this time, I kept telling myself that as long as I can forget about my past and not think about it anymore, everything will be alright. I was sure that as long as I can find a new start, a new life - I will be able to leave my previous life behind."

She shook her softly as a chuckle escaped her lips. Her laughter sounded like she was mocking her stupidity and foolish imagination.

"It took me so long to realize that I can not run from my past, that I can not lock all the bad memories in the farthest corner of my mind and move on just like that. I can't run from my reality." 

Domenic was silent as he listened to her. He could not find in himself to speak or disturb her because he knew that for the very first time - she was speaking from her heart. So, he just stood there in silence as he listened.

"I've been learning self-defense for months now and I'm even in the top twenty students of my class. But what's the point of learning all this if I can't even move when it's time to use those skills and save myself. I'm living in the middle of hundreds of supernaturals. They are an important part of my daily life but I still can't make myself trust most of them because of some past bad memories. Can't you see, Nick? My present is still struggling under the shadows of my dark past, a past that I really want to forget."

The study was filled with silence as Emily stopped to take in a few deep breaths. She was getting emotional but she did not want to cry either.

On the other hand, Domenic stayed totally silent as he observed her every single move, the changes in her expressions, and the depth of her words.

Emily walked closer to her brother and stood directly in front of him as she spoke again.

"I don't want to run anymore, Nick. Because I'm tired of running. It's time for me to accept who I was, who I am, and to find the answer to who I want to become. It's time for me to accept my past as a part of me. I can't get rid of those memories but I want to get rid of the darkness that is hiding in them. I want to become someone who won't freeze at the sight of blood, a werewolf, a vampire, or another kind of shapeshifter. I want to become someone who can actually use her hard-learned defense skills when needed. And I want to become a sister who can protect her brothers just like they are protecting her." 

This time, she failed in controlling the tears that finally rolled down her cheeks and landed on her white satin blouse.

"And we both know that as long as I will live here with all of you, I will never be able to become the person that I want to become. I know you all won't agree with my point but deep down even you know that what I'm saying is right. I love you all and I'm grateful that you guys are protective towards me but that protectiveness of yours will always stop me from blooming and becoming a stronger version of myself."

"Leaving you guys is not easy for me but I have to do it for myself, for all of you, and for us - our family. You have always supported me from the beginning, Nick. Can you please support me once more? Can I ask you to trust me one more time?"