Chapter 116 - I Felt Terrible

Megan's POV

"Look at Axel; he is now so big and tall, I haven't seen him in a month, and he is getting bigger each time I see him," Gael said as we watched my son watching the lion and lioness on the cage with their four cubs. And I could see my son was looking at them seriously, and I suddenly felt a pang on my chest as I felt jealous of the lioness with her mate, and I knew Axel would bombard me with a lot of questions later when we got home.

"Yeah, and it seems times fly so fast, and he will become a teenager soon, and I felt like I will be too old by then," I said, and I heard Gael chuckled as he put his arm around my shoulders.

"Are you kidding me? You will never get old, Megan, even if he will be twenty years old. I could tell even at thirty-nine, you will still look hot and beautiful." He said, and I could feel my face blushed.

"You are only saying that because we are close friends," I said, and I felt him loosen his arm around me, and he turned me around to face him, and I suddenly felt nervous.

"Megan.." He trailed off as he looked at me in the face.

"What is it, Gael? You are scaring me." I replied.

"Can we talk alone later?" He asked, and I suddenly felt anxious as I gazed at his handsome face; this was the first time I saw him this serious.

"Sure!" I replied as I tried to look calm, and I wondered what he wanted to tell me. But knowing Gael, I know he will never tell me something that can make me feel sad, which I love about him. He was always there for me ever since we became friends, and no matter how busy his schedule was, he will always find time to be with Axel and me.

We ate our lunch on one of the picnic tables under the big old trees inside the zoo, and I smiled as I looked at my son's face; I could tell he seemed so happy, and I wanted him to be like this always.

My son was sleeping on Gael's lap when we got inside the bus, and I could tell he got so tired from running with Kim. I felt a little exhausted because I didn't want him to be out of my sight; that is why I kept running after him even if Gael was telling me to relax.

"I don't want to miss his childhood, Gael," I said to him as he watched me with amusement in his eyes.

"Of course, I feel the same way too, Megan." He replied, and I beamed at him as we fell silent. I felt ashamed when I realized I was leaning on Gael's shoulder when we arrived at the school grounds, and I couldn't believe I dozed off. I know having a lack of sleep made me sleepy during the ride, but I know my friend doesn't mind me leaning on him while my son was sleeping on his lap.

We climbed out of the bus while Gael was still carrying my child, who was soundly sleeping in his arms. And I can't deny sometimes I was hoping Axel had a dad so every time he fell asleep, someone would carry him like what Gael is doing right now, and I tried to set aside those thoughts as we walked through the parking lot because I know it will never happen, not in a million years. What we had was over a long time ago, but I hated myself that no matter how angry I am with him, there is a part of me that I wanted to have him once again.

The moment we arrived home, Axel woke up, and he ran towards his nanny, who was waiting for us on the front porch; I smiled as I heard Axel talk about his adventures in the zoo, especially the time he spent with his best friend. Gael lingered on the front porch, and I remembered he wanted to have a word with me. 

"Do you want to come inside and have a lemonade?" I asked, but he shook his head.

"No, I am good, Megan." He said, and he looked at me intently while he put his hands on the pockets of his jeans, and I could tell something was bothering him.

"Is everything alright, Gael? Are you alright?" I asked, and he let out a loud sigh as he pulled a patio chair and motioned me to sit down, and he sat down in front of me.

"Can we talk now?" He asked 

"Of course, we are now talking," I said as I tried to contain my laughter because he looked grim.

"I know this is not the right time to tell you this, and for how many years, I tried my best to ignore everything I felt inside my heart, but I couldn't stop it anymore because I could feel my heart would burst if I am not going to tell you everything I feel for you, Megan." He said, and I felt my entire body is shaking. I wanted to stop him from talking, but I know there is no way I can stop him now.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I know he should not tell me about it because I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want anything to change between us. I like to have Gael in my life forever, and I don't want him to be away from us. He has been my rock throughout these years together with Alice. He has been a good friend and my confidante. I like what we have right now. I try to ignore all the signs that I have seen in him. I know I always caught him staring at me when we were alone or even with our friends. And for how many times my best friend told me that Gael had a thing for me, but I didn't acknowledge it because I knew I could never reciprocate his feelings for me.

"I am in love with you, Megan." He blurted out, and my mind was screaming no, and I hate myself that I will break Gael's heart.

"Gael," I said, and that is the only word that came out of my mouth because I don't know how to tell him I can't love him back.

"Megan, you don't need to love me back because I know where I stand in your life. I will always be your friend, and you will never have me in your life as more than a friend. You can't love me the way you love Ashton Pritzgold, even if he shattered your heart and dreams. He will always be the only man in your heart and mind." He said, and I shook my head.

"That is not true, Gael. What I had with Ashton was over the moment he drove me away from his home. The reason I can't be your girlfriend is that I don't want to lose you in my life; you are too important to me. What if we will not work out and end things badly. I can't afford it, Gael. I need you more than you will ever know." I said, and he smiled at me even he looked so miserable right now.

"I understand, Megan, and I have known about it for so many years now, but I don't want this moment to pass without telling you how I feel. I realize that life is too short, so I got the courage to tell you everything because you have all the right to know how I feel about you." Gael responded as he cupped my face. And I was horrified, thinking he would kiss me, and I released a sigh of relief when I realized he was only caressing my face.

"And please, stop fooling yourself, Megan; you have to acknowledge your feelings. Don't ever try to keep it in your heart because you can never fool me, even Alice." He said, and I know he was right, but there is no way I will tell him how I feel inside.

"Don't get stressed, and there is only one thing I ask from you." He said.

"What is it, Gael?" I asked, and he gazed at my face for a long while before he spoke.

"Don't ever stop me from loving you, and it is okay if you can't love me back. It makes me so happy to love you and Axel. Besides, I don't expect anything in return." He said, and I nodded my head.

"I am sorry, Gael," I replied in more than a whisper.

"Hey, you don't need to say sorry, Megan; this is my choice, and loving you is the most satisfying thing I have ever experienced in my entire existence and thank you for making me feel this way." He said, and I hugged Gael, and we embraced each other for a long time.

"Thank you for loving Axel and me all through these years," I replied.

"I will always love you both, and I hope nothing will ever change between us, now that you know how I feel about you." He said.

"I promised that nothing will change between us. Besides, I knew you felt something towards me." I replied, and I could see his face turned so red.

"You know my secret all along?" He asked in disbelief, and I nodded my head.

"How could you hide it from me so well? I thought no one knew I am crazy about you." He responded while he combed his hair with his fingers.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," I replied, and he laughed, and I laughed with him when I saw his face turned redder.

"Are you sure it is okay with you that I can't reciprocate your feelings for me?" I asked, and he nodded his head.

"Of course, Meg, you are too important for me than how I feel for you. I can't risk it either," Gael said, and I beamed at him. 

I watched him walk towards the helicopter, and I felt terrible and guilty that I turned down a man who is so loving and kind, and I know if ever I can choose whom to love, I will select Gael without a doubt.