Chapter 114 - Xi Ana's Selfishness (2)

Xi Chen felt these words were so heavy that he couldn't bear to carry. Just why? Why would she need to apologize about something that already happened before? When he decided to tell her this, a situation like this never came to his mind.

"Please, Ana Jie. Stop apologizing, I don't like it. If you would react like this then I should not have told you about it." his tears are already at the verge of falling and he knew that one more strike would make him cry like he is not a man.

This is the first time he had a conversation like this with his sister, they might be close but the things that happened that time were like a landmine that no one dares to enter.

"I'm the older sister and knowing that I didn't perform it well I feel like I'm useless as a sister. Honestly, when mother died I knew that I had to be strong because I'm older. When father decided to leave, I stayed the same because who would you run to if I'm not there but that year something happened that made me ran away, I ran away a an escaped. I thought you'd be fine because you're at home, I thought no one would care if I leave just like that. I'm sorry, Chen. I'm really sorry."

At this moment, both of them were trying so hard to hold back the tears that has already accumulated in their eyes and they know that once one of them let there's no way the other would be able to hold on.

"Don't call yourself useless, Ana Jie. Ever since I was a child I already admire you. Whenever I get hurt you would always be the first one to run to me, whenever I get sad you will be there to cheer me up. At night when I get scared you would hold my hand tightly until I fall asleep, if you call yourself useless then what will I do with the memories I treasure the most?" even without parents by his side he was able to get through it as a child because his sister was there.

After that no one talked anymore, it's like they had a tacit understanding that the conversation is already over. They both calmed themselves which took who knows how long.

When they are already calmed and collected, Xi Ana spoke first. "If I will leave, the kind of leave we both know I will tell you first. Are we good with that?"

"Yeah, more than enough." Xi Ana looked at his facial expression and it seemed better now than it was a while ago.

"You should go home first, although I informed him last night that you were with your brother-in-law it's still better to talk with him. He's not young anymore so don't do anything that will cause him stress, okay?"

Xi Ana is trying so hard to maintain this facade but the reality is she is far from 'calm and collected' because her feelings now were jumbled quite thoroughly that she didn't know how to deal with it.

"Okay, I will go home then. Just deduct this day on my pay." he smiled playfully like usual.

"Did you bring a car? Or should I ask Hannah to bring you home?"

"I used the red car in your garage, so it's fine I can go home by myself."

"Red one? The one at the front most?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's yours, we don't use that often anyway."

"Fine, I'll take it you're both rich anyway. I'll leave then."

"Drive safely."

"Yeah, I will."

Soon as Xi Chen left her office, she slumped her back on the couch. That conversation was something she was not prepared of. Everything is new to her, she never thought those things happened during that time.

Admittedly, that was the most reckless decision she'd ever made in her entire life, going hotel-hopping without guidance of other people then suddenly going overseas without permission, and the fact that she never thought that people might worry about he is indeed unforgivable.

Thinking about it now that she is ȧduŀt, what she did back then is really something of her age should not do. If Xi Chen did that when he was 14 years old then he wouldn't know what she would have done just to search for him.

If there is something she really regret in this life that would be it, if she only asked for permission or at the very least contacted her grandfather right away he would have let her go without a second thought but during that time all she cared about was running away and trying to escape to a faraway place.

And this conversation made her realize that in that span of two weeks that she was away there are actually things that she didn't know and Xi Chen being brought to the hospital is something she does not have any idea on.

She knew that he's not blaming her, even their grandfather didn't blame nor scold her about what she had done, she only knew that it was very selfish of her but this is the first she knew that her selfishness had really brought pain to the people she's claiming that she wanted to protect.

How could she blatantly tell that she would protect them when she herself is one of the people who caused them more pain than other.

No matter how many times she keeps on repeating the words 'I'm sorry.' it will still not be enough nor will it ever be enough because the fact that the damage has been done is something she cannot change.

There is no use for 'if only' now because it already happened and even if there is a next life she won't be able to correct that selfishness anymore.