Chapter 138 - "MAYBE VALERIA WAS RIGHT??"

After a warm refreshing shower, Tinsley was the first to get out of the bathroom before her obsessed husband would start fucking her again.

She basically ran out, clutching the towel harder against her chest and stood in front of the closet to get her clothes out.

Kian came out later, stark naked and Tinsley shook her head in dismissal. She was drying her hair, standing before the full body mirror.

Kian stood behind her, and wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her body closer to his, resting his head on her shoulder.

She blushed when she fell the erection poking her butt from behind. This insatiable man!!

"You are so goddamn beautiful!"

He said, staring at her reflection. She gave him a sweet smile, leaning on his body more.

He inhaled her feminine scent, rubbing his nose on her exposed neck. One of his hands slowly slipped down, disappearing up her skirt.

Tinsley knew exactly where this would lead if not stopped right away so she slapped his hand away, playfully and he feigned being hurt expression. She chuckled.

"You are so restless!"

Tinsley complained and he narrowed his eyes at her. They both were talking to each other, looking at the mirror.

"I m just practising for the baby-making!"

He defended himself. And just like that Tinsley's smile faltered slowly from her face. He did not notice that as he was hiding his face in the crook of her neck.

"God!!! You will look so exotic being pregnant...chubby and cute!"

He went on and raised his head up to look at her. It was then he saw it...saw how the colours on her face had drained away.

"Is something wrong??"

He asked, getting concerned. She parted her gazes from his eyes and took a deep breath.

A baby?? She was not sure to have one...at least not at the moment.

And in no time, Kian guessed it. She unwrapped his hands from around herself and walked away from his side.

He let her go and wrapped the towel around him and strode towards her, taking a seat beside her on their bed.

She did not say him anything and continued to stare at her lap, downward. He did not know how to address her?

"So...you are not ready to be pregnant?"

His question did not take her off guard as she was expecting him to ask her that anytime now and she wanted to scream yes to him but did not mean to offend him at the same time.

He was aware of the fact that she had a bad experience before and it had been a month since, so he did not see why not try for it again.

"You know how the last one ended right?"

She dropped another question at him. He sighed and held her hands in his.

"I know and I m sorry for us...for you but we can't just hold back being afraid of that for the rest of our life, right??"

He asserted. She understood him. She did exactly what he meant but she was just not ready at the moment and did not know how to spell it that put to him without making him start thinking it otherwise.

"About that...and our condition at present is not perfect either for a baby at least...we are barely surviving, Kian..."

He raised his eyebrow at her on the last part. And she knew that it was over...he had taken a different meaning, totally out of context and it would end up with them arguing just like every other time.

"What do you mean barely surviving??

I even took up a job for us, Tinsley??"

Kian questioned, not being able to believe her words. He was never ready to work under someone but he did it...for them...for her.

She opened her mouth to say something but then shut it up, not actually knowing what she wanted to know.

"Is this because what we have is not enough?? Of course, it is!!"

Kian answered to his own question and got up. Tinsley looked at him, frowning.

"What was I thinking to start a family with an heiress when I m not living in a palace right??"

"Where is this coming from??"

Tinsley stood up, astonished at his accusation. He would always turn the other way whenever things would not go the way he wanted.

"You do not have to say anything, anymore...I got you. Hell! I will not be surprised the next day if you file for a fucking divorce!!"

He carried on with his rantings and Tinsley was beyond shocked by the way he was reacting.

"Why are you, even so, forcing about this baby thing??? You never wanted one in the first place...remember at our wedding night, you forced me to take the birth controls, you declared that you never wanted children!!"

Tinsley argued back. Kian fixed his eyes on hers, listening to her side, trying to frame herself as the victim as always.

"Oh, so you are punishing me for that??"

He implored. Tinsley shook her head no right away. What was she five to do such a thing??

"Of course not!!"

"We were strangers back then, married right away ok?? I did not know what the future held for us...how we will be together. But after everything, after I poured my real self out to you...you still have doubts about my intentions for us??"

Kian interviewed. Tinsley closed her eyes, breathing in and out and spoke up again.

"Kian, I have no doubts about us...your intentions for our relationship...our marriage. "

She started. He waited for her to finish impatiently.

"Can't I just say that I m not ready to be a mother right now?? "

There...she finally let it out and he did not say a word. Silence enveloped the surroundings but could not penetrate their heads and suppressed the voices inside of them.

"I was never ready...not that time...not today. But I accepted it back then because you were being so hopeful and I did not want to ruin it..."

Tears spurted out of her eyes as she resumed her explanation. Kian stood firm, not moving or saying anything, just observing her.

"You have no idea how traumatic everything was for me right after I found out that I miscarried...my anxieties from childhood...I felt like they were back once again and I m so thankful for you, for Madison, Lana, Anna Maria...for being there for me...helping me overcome all of it..."

Tinsley narrated how she felt like. The entire experience was a nightmare for her.

The loss had left an empty void in her heart and it would never suffice with the happiness of being pregnant again...for she had lost what could be her first child, it was her unwanted reality.

She rubbed her tears away and continued on.

"But...to say it I m not ready...not now or two months from now...I m just not ready to be pregnant again and it's not only because of me...my broken self but also for the kind of phrase we are in right now, bringing a child would not be easy and you will say we will see it but being a parent is not easy, Kian...it requires so much more...I m sorry!"

She cried out. Kian looked down, not liking how the circumstance was turning out to be.

"Would you have been ready if everything was fine??"

He asked, after a moment of silence. She looked up at him, not understanding him at first. What he meant by everything??

"Yes...I would be then!"

She nodded her head in approval regardless. She did not want him to think that she did not ever want a baby.

Her answer confirmed every kind of doubt he had and just chuckled as if he was hurt and turned around to walk away.

Tinsley noticed it and held onto his hand right away, stopping him from turning his back on her.

"What did you mean by everything??"

It was the question she should have asked first before answering it to him, peeking her eyes into his.

"That if I were to build back our life back to how it was...you would agree to raise a child with me but not when I can't offer you nothing but poverty..."

He let out and waited for her to deny it right away. It got her contemplating his words and check if it were true but it was not.

She did not mind having his child even when he could not pamper her in a castle. What she meant was their situation right now...when they were still figuring out their present...

After waiting for her denial, Kian smiled at her sadly. He was correct. Her fear, her anxiety was of him not being able to provide for their child. And it hurt him...his man ego.

"You do not have to say anything, anymore...I get it!"

He said, snatching his hand out from her hold and turning to walk away. Before she could say something to stop him, he tilted his head back to say one last thing.

"Maybe...maybe Valeria was right about you?? "

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