Chapter 105 - The Trauma Remains 4

Minwoo really comes to hate the sight of the Seo's door. Every single time he has to go through it, he will fear for his life. It hurts his pride - an alpha who is afraid of the omegas; but that is just how things turns out. It is just his luck Wonho's mother is scary.

Being challenged by Mr. Seo to be the one knocking though he knows the old man did it because he too is afraid, he jumps back at the sight of another unfamiliar looking omega. This time, the lady looks really different from the rest of the pack. Maybe just some similarities here and there.

However, that Seo poker face, he would recognize anywhere.

'Noona!' He hears Wonho exclaims excitedly and turns back to see a little thing screaming behind her on the carpet. His mate has already rushed inside before his sister shoves the baby towards him, forcing him to hold the small alpha. Wasting no time, Minwoo joins his mate, half worried that the big girl in his embrace would fall out because, the kid is huge and Wonho is tiny.

'You're finally back. Good. Thought you finally died up there.' Minwoo's heart is beating violently, afraid to turn to his back to face Mrs. Seo but before he can react, he hears an awkward laugh from the old man and draws a long breath.

It is just an old lovers' quarrel. Thank god.

Peeking a bit towards the kitchen, he sees Mrs. Seo preparing the food for the table, her facial features soft with no sign of anger. 'Minwoo, honey. Go and shower so we can eat. You too, Wono.'

#####

????????????????????. ????????????????. ????????????????. ????????????????????. ????????????????????. ????????????????????? ????????????????. ???????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????? ???? ????????????????…

Wonho stares at his yearbook, looking at the picture of his ex-classmates, trying to recall what they are, reading their wishes to him. He knows it is just his trauma acting out but it is disturbing how much the innocent messages now affect him. He doesn't feel anything reading those from the betas, but all of those from the alphas feels really sinister. Even the simple 'Saranghae' from his best friends trigger something. Closing the thick book, he puts them to the side and wipes his face.

Fuck. All this time he is worried about his life on campus when the real problem is the ones he already know. All his high school friends, they are either alphas or betas. He doesn't mind the alpha strangers as he knows it is normal for him to feel afraid of them. The therapist asked him to take it slow and said it is okay for him to avoid being in their presence until he is okay.

He thought that was it; his biggest challenge. But meeting Kimbum yesterday proved that that was nothing. His hardest one is not those he doesn't know, it is the alphas who was close to him before his present, before his attack. His relationship with them would be affected by it.

It is not the question of waiting until he is ready, it is the question of breaking it or enduring his pain for it. And the latter is impossible, so his only option is cutting off his relationship with them. After all those years of friendship…

He wishes he won't have to. He wishes his bond with them are stronger than his nightmare but they aren't. He doesn't like this. The fact that from now on, every time he stumbles upon an alpha acquaintance or friend, he would get his panic attacks and he would have to pretend he is sick when in fact, he would be suffocating inside, trying to run away, just so they will not find him weird.

The other only option is for them to know about his condition so they would respect his situation but how should he do that? Tell everyone on Facebook that he is gang-raped and is currently living in a trauma? That is too much for him.

This, everything is too much for him.

And as if things couldn't get any worse, this new revelation made him question why Minwoo is okay.

Chansol and Sangcheol, he knows he is fine with them because his mind can accept that they are not involved with his attack. But for others, that is not the case.

And....

If even his deep bond with his old friends is not enough for him to be comfortable around them, after all they have been through together. It would only be logical that he would not be able to accept Minwoo, a complete stranger so easily. At least, he should feel what he feels with Kimbum, the mixed feeling of fear and longing, the suffocation and dilemma, with Minwoo as well. But he didn't.

He should. But he didn't.

Why?

If trust is the issue, he also trusts his close friends, but he still felt trapped. If it is love, he knows he is only in the process of liking Minwoo before his first heat so it shouldn't be a strong enough emotion to overcome his fear. So, what was it?

Why was he fine with Minwoo?

Because they are mates?

Does that mean that what he has with Minwoo, what he thinks he has with Minwoo, is nothing but the bond? Because without it, Kimbum would happen.

If that is true, then…

'Wonie? What're you doing inside?' Wonho stands up from his bed abruptly and sits back down when he notices this calming scent. Staring back at Minwoo, he draws a long breath, frustrated with himself. Maybe he is starting to become like Haneul, maybe he is developing a new kind of mental problem.

'Your mom's calling. Come on, we're watching a movie.'

'Stay here.' Wonho pats his bed, wanting Minwoo to sit so they can touch. Without his alpha around, all his anxiety and depression takes over, affecting him worse than before because he is not prepared for it.

'You wanna kill me?' Minwoo smiles at him and gestures him out, waiting at the top of the stairs so they can go down together.

Looking back at his yearbook before exiting his room, Wonho curses it for making him think all those thoughts. Now it will haunt him whenever he will be left alone with his thoughts.

Ridiculous thoughts…