Chapter 307: An explanation (Not Chapter)

No, I haven't dropped this. Not... not yet, at least.

Over the last while (2-3-4 months) I have been growing increasingly downtrodden with my life. Depression or whatever, I have just lost that spark of motivation to write and well, generally do anything. Blend that with covid sealing things down yet again and I'm having one shitty ass time living. Writing has been slow if not non-existent the last 2 months (which I feel really shitty about with leaving you all high and dry after that meeting with Sienna) but I can't help it. My heart and mind just isn't there. I have college courses and all as well.

I think I'm probably dealing with a blend of burnout and other mental health issues that I've been trying to figure out the last while. I've started going to counselling though, and I'm trying to get out of the house more often and just spend my time focusing on my mental state and jsut getting over this stain of a neurological disorder. Note, it's undiagnosed for now. I might seek out a psychiatrist or so in the new year.

So, yeah. Fun. I haven't dropped TCB, not yet, but I'll likely be taking another while off while I figure out brain stuff and life (eg, finding a part time job, dealing with college, making friends, excercise, etc).

I do predict to be back some time next year. Least, I'm hoping to be ready to get back into things by then. Earliest I would say is mid Jan but I wouldn't hold out hopes for anything less than start feb heading mid. If things get better sooner you can definitely expect to see a chapter or two popping out here and there, but likely not daily. More to a weekly degree or twice weekly as I try to get into the groove and rebuild my backlog.

Welp. now that this is written, I'm going to have another crying fit and existential crisis where I doubt each and every thing I do whilst contemplating if I've actually lived a life or if I've just been secretely a corpse in disguise.

I'm just thankful I haven't gotten to the point of being suicidal... that stuff scares me.

And for anyone who is. Please, please, please, please, seek out some help. Call a help line. Talk to your parents, whatever. Just please, get yourself the care you need. I'm doing it with you.