Chapter 360 - You Don't Deserve This

"Okay," he said finally.

Mars went back to sit next to Gewen and didn't say anything else. His expression looked flat. It no longer showed the pain and grief that he still had a few days ago. And that actually made Gewen feel worried.

It seemed, his friend had been numbed by his sadness and grief that now he couldn't feel anything anymore. He had been mourning in silence for three weeks.

Gewen also grieved for Queen Elara's death so he understood what Mars was feeling.

The queen was really kind to him and Edgar since they were little. Gewen had known Queen Elara for almost his whole life.

So, the relationship between them all was very close. Losing the queen in such a manner was also devastating for Gewen.

However, he didn't show his grief openly because, at this moment of pain, he wanted to be the rock that his friend could rely on.

He almost didn't chatter because whatever he said wouldn't matter. What could you say to a grieving person anyway?

I'm sorry for your loss?

Things will be okay.

What?

Nothing he said would bring back the dead, or alleviate the sufferings that the mourner was experiencing.

So, he didn't say anything about the queen's death.

Gewen was also worried he would say something stupid that would only make Mars feel annoyed. He would just be there for him in silence.

He would make sure they eat something while they took breaks so they could nourish their energy to continue the journey.

Gewen would hunt and roast animals for them to eat while they took a break in the woods. Or, if they passed by towns, he would make stops to buy food and wine. 

Those were something that Mars seemed to forget doing when he was grieving. He wouldn't even think about getting food. Heck, he wouldn't even feel the hunger.

So, Gewen made sure they always had something to eat and drink with them.  He also kept his mouth shut most of the time, which was so hard to do if you were Gewen. But he did his best.

Gewen did all these because he loved his friend and wanted to make sure Mars could reach his home in one piece. He was Mars's silent supporter during these tough times.

However, after three weeks of riding almost non-stop, Gewen had come to a point where he almost couldn't take it anymore. He was exhausted too, body and soul.

He needed sleep and proper rest. They stopped in this woods around midnight and had only slept for four hours. And now the prince wanted to start moving? It was still very dark and Gewen couldn't even see his own hand.

So, when he saw Mars decided to listen to him and went back to sitting next to him, Gewen felt relieved. Not only them, but their horses also needed rest, even more than them since they worked the hardest.

He knew how much Mars loved Snow and would feel devastated if something happened to his horse, especially if it was his fault for forcing Snow to keep moving in such a state.

"Thank you," said Gewen.

He let out a long sigh and wrapped his blanket more tightly. The air was piercing cold and the ground was hard. He badly missed his warm and soft bed.

He also couldn't wait to reach home, but he wanted to arrive there alive.

Mars forced a smile and nodded weakly. "I am sorry. I should have thought about our horses and you."

Gewen, who was ready to go back sleep, suddenly batted his eyes when he heard Mars speak. His drowsiness immediately disappeared.

This was the first time Gewen heard Mars spoke more than one sentence at a time during this journey. Usually, he barely spoke a word.

"I want us to reach the capital alive," said Gewen. "If you forced yourself and Snow, you might be dead by the time we arrive home. That will defeat the purpose, won't it?"

Mars lowered his face. "You are right."

There was a moment of silence between them. Both were busy with their own thoughts.

Finally, Mars patted Gewen on the back and said, "Thank you for being here with me, Gewen. I really appreciate it."

Gewen's eyes widened. This was something unexpected, he thought. Had Mars's clear mind returned?

The prince looked calm and composed. He was still sad, but at least he could already say things like this, that sounded more like himself. Gewen was surprised to see the improvement.

"N-no... no need to thank me," the handsome man replied in a stammer. "I am your friend. Of course, I have to do this. I know you will be doing the same for me if I was in your shoes. Right?"

"Gewen," Mars sighed. "Things that happened to me... I wouldn't wish it for my worst enemy. So, I hope you would never have to go through such a thing."

Gewen knew Mars was sincere when he uttered those words. This friend of his was a good man. That was why, his mother's death, in such a way, seemed like a really unfair thing to happen to a man who was as noble and kind as he was.

Gewen knew this man personally and closely for over twenty years already. Mars was nothing like his reputation out there.

Even though people outside of the royal palace and his enemies all thought he was the devil reincarnate himself, the truth couldn't be further than that.

"I am really sorry for what happen to Her Majesty," said Gewen in a low voice.

At that moment, he felt like crying. However, Gewen tried so hard to hold back his feelings. He didn't want to make his friend sadder.

It seemed Mars had slowly accepted the fact that his mother had passed away. He could start talking about it. This was the first time he mentioned how he felt about what happened.

This was something that he hoped Gewen would never have to go through.

"This is very unfair..." Gewen added. His emotions welled up. So, he gritted his teeth to suppress his emotion. "You have suffered so much. You don't deserve this."

He had witnessed how his friend had suffered from the curse that befell his family for all his life. And now, when he finally could get his happiness... it was actually fake? And all the good things that he had, were taken away from him in such a cruel manner.

This was evil. This was unfair. His friend didn't deserve all these.

Mars turned to Gewen and looked at the man with a sad expression. He was thankful that during his moment of darkness, the lowest point of his life, he had his friend with him.

"It is what it is." Finally, that was all he could say.

Well, what more could he say? He tried to be a good person. He worked with what he had. And when he fell in love with the enemy, he tried to win her heart by apologizing and doing everything he could to make up for what happened in the past.

It was war and people died in war, but he still took the blame and acknowledged that it was his fault and he was determined to compensate her for everything.

Heck, he even offered his whole kingdom to her. He also offered himself and the rest of his life to serve her and make her happy, be a devoted husband and father to their children, trying to move on from the past and started anew.

But apparently, it was not enough?

Mars had suppressed his emotions and sadness for weeks. He refused to talk about it because his sorrow was so deep.

Inwardly, he still tried to think that Emmelyn was innocent. However, it was so hard to keep thinking that way, when his greatest enemy had confirmed that she used Emmelyn to kill his mother, in an act of getting her ultimate revenge.

He would rather not talk about it, or even think about what happened, so he shouldn't have to keep remembering the fact that his mother died and his wife was the killer.

However, it was hard to avoid the subject for much longer. They almost reached the capital and soon he would have to face the somber reality.

Gewen said it was unfair? None of the things that happened in Mars's life was fair.