Chapter 188 - Do Better

Ignis walks into my room already wearing nightclothes. He watches over Lars for a while before lying down.

«He's sleeping so soundly,» he comments.

«It was a tiring day for the little Prince,» I say. «But he will wake up in the middle of the night, don't worry. He's just waiting for the sweetest moment of slumber when you're starting to have nice dreams.»

«Oh, how wicked,» he chuckles. «By the way, I have some news.»

«Yes?»

«The Church sent a few requests. They want to...»

«To set a date for the naming ceremony. I know. When will it be?»

«Soon. Next week, six days from today.»

«It's not enough to organise the event,» I point out.

«We're at war. There's no event to organise, and everyone will understand why we are hurrying. It's better to be done before the actual fighting starts. There are just a few scuffles at the border, for now, but Ventis is moving the army. I might need to depart sooner than we wish.»

«Oh, all right. Then it makes sense to make something smaller but sooner.»

«That's now what I wanted to say. I'm not concerned about the naming ceremony but the second part of their request.»

«Oh, the magic test. I heard you refused.»

«They want to test Lars and also you.»

«That would be bad. I am not sure how much I can hide from their artefacts... Mother says they can find any trace of magic no matter how hidden.»

«They can.»

«So... If they test me, they will know. I'm not sure saying I discovered my powers while giving birth would help us.»

«They can measure your power, Veronica. They will be able to tell how strong you are.»

«You're telling me all of this with such a face, Ignis... Are you worried at all?»

«I'm sorry. It's difficult to be concerned while holding you in my arms. Or when looking at Lars.»

«It wasn't like this before... You were even more concerned while with us. Is the war what makes you so... happy?»

«It's not a war, just... I don't know.»

He sinks his face in my neck, inhaling and pressing his lips on my skin.

«During our honeymoon, you were like this,» I say. «Cool and competent. You could protect me from everything, and you were ready for any event. We were running away from assassins, you were hiding your identity while pretending to be afraid of yourself, and we didn't know what could happen once reached my family's residence. Yet, you were in your natural element. Is this what it takes? Assassins and wars to make you like this?»

«I don't know... It seems I work better when there is an emergency.»

«But we can't have emergencies all the time. You need to learn how to live in peace, Ignis. I don't want you, one day, to be as bored as to look for another war or get in trouble just because you don't have anything helping you focus.»

«I won't reach that point, Ronnie.»

«How can you be so sure? I want to be with you both in good and bad times. But if you're unapproachable when things go well... I would like to share joy just as much as hardships.»

«I will try,» he says, his face turning pale all of a sudden.

His arms around me are rigid, his voice uncertain and his eyes scared, making me regret ever asking anything.

«Hey...» I whisper, caressing his cheek. It doesn't help, but he seems to move to the next phase of this... Panic attack?

«I will change,» he says. «I will become better even during peace!»

«Hey, Ignis, calm down.»

He lets go of me and grabs my hand, pressing it on his chest. He closes his eyes for a moment, and I can feel his thoughts. I don't like what he's going to say, especially because I've never said anything about leaving.

«Don't... Don't leave me alone, Veronica. I will do better, I promise!»

«I never said that,» I point out, hugging him. I caress his head, playing with his hair.

So, it's not over at all.

«If you don't leave me, I'll stay forever,» I murmur. «You, me, and our son. We're a family. But we need to function both with war and peace. Not just when things are going astray.»

«I know that, but... It's so difficult. Every time we have a calm day, every time I feel happy, I wonder when it will end. When will something happen to take it all away from me...»

«Oh, Ignis... Trust me for once. I am staying by your side, forever.»

«Even if I'm not good enough?»

«Oh, especially in that case. You don't need to be good enough, isn't that clear? I am not, either! I'm the worst Queen Alba had in ages!»

«Don't say that.»

«Then you shouldn't act like this. I'm... I'm sure we will find a solution. As long as we both work on ourselves. And you have to promise you won't look for trouble if you feel bored.»

«I'm relieved that the war finally was declared, that's right, but not because I like destruction and crises. It's just that it's finally here. I've been trying to avoid it for so long that it crept under my skin. Everyone was so worried that we would fail, and we did fail.»

«It's an impossible mission, Ignis. You couldn't succeed because there was no way! It was not a diplomatic affair. Ventis wanted an excuse to declare war, so they used it. There was nothing you could do.»

«So... You won't think I'm incompetent.»

«Incompetent? And who am I to think that?» I don't even schedule my meals for myself, for Goodness' sake. How can Ignis say he's doing worse than me?

«I'm a failure, too,» I say, looking at him with my most innocent expression. «I can't do anything queenly.»

«You don't need to, Veronica,» he says, forgetting his own panic attack to take care of me. I hide a wily smile when he hugs me, and I close my eyes to relax in his arms.

«Then I won't,» I say. «What about you?»

He doesn't seem ready to just relax, but he nods against the pillow.

«I will become as you want me,» he says. «You will have no reason to hate me, I promise. I won't act as I did before.»

«No, Ignis, that's not the problem. I want you to learn to be happy. When this war is over, you have to stop being afraid. It's true, happiness won't last forever, and we'll have a new crisis sooner or later. But you can't wonder about it all the time. You can't think about the dark future every second of your life, because that happiness will have no meaning if you don't feel it.»

«It's easier said than done. I can't stop it, Veronica. I can't.»

«You will learn,» I promise. «I will teach you how to when we have time. I'll prove that Lars and I won't leave you whatever happens. We'll stay by your side till the very end.»

«But there's a war in between. And I'll have to leave when it actually starts.»

«I will stay here and keep things under control,» I say. «I'll watch over Lars and make sure he becomes even cuter than now. And I'll write you letters and wait for your replies.»

«I will meet some representatives from Akasite tomorrow.»

«Oh, yes. How are things going?» Representative means spies, I guess.

«Do you want to come and hear? It's the first time we meet face to face.»

«I'd like to. It might come in handy when things get complicated.»

«They will be the people connecting us to Akasite till now on. The codes were helpful, but now we also need faster links.»

«Spies will be just perfect.»

«Well, I didn't want to say it like this, but... But, yes.»

«I'll be there tomorrow. By your side.»

«I will also leave my sigil to you. Also, the emergency plans, the control of part of the army, and the Chancellor.»

«Will the Ministers stay?»

«Most of them will, but some will follow me.»

«Like the Minister of Defence.»

«Correct. The Minister of Foreign Affairs will stay, though. He'll help you connect with other countries. We can't overlook diplomacy.»

«Oh, nice. I'm good at diplomacy. Can't wait to show them my prowess.»

Ignis's smile freezes on his face, and I burst out laughing.

«Have some faith,» I say.

«Yes, yes...»

He's as shocked as to worry about Alba. Should I feel offended? But, how could I?

«Come here, now. We can talk about the details tomorrow.» I surround his neck with my arms and kiss him. We haven't been together for months, so our bodies need a few seconds to recognise each other.

But it happens. We aren't strangers, just a little farther than before.

«I love you,» I say.

«I love you, too,» is his reply. It sounds like music to my ears. It makes me think back to those days when he would tell me so often.

I was starting to think I would never hear it again, yet here we are, confessing to each other.

Tomorrow will be a difficult day, but neither of us cares. We're together now, more or less understanding each other's concerns. We will face everything that comes our way, won't we?

Maybe, not as easy as I wish. But we won't give up.

«I will love you forever, Veronica. Since the day I first met you, I couldn't get you out of my head.»

Oh, we will definitely find a solution to all our problems.