"And so, once they had me, they got what they wanted. With them now both handling the merged companies, they obviously had no time to take care of a baby. So, I was left in the hands of nannies. But my parents decided, in fear of corporate spies and thieves, to replace my nannies every few months. So, as I grew up, I've long forgotten the faces of the countless nannies that took care of me and they must've forgotten me as well since I really wasn't able to connect with them in the first place. To them, I must've just been 'work' while for me, I just saw them as someone I should be obedient to. So, for the years of me growing up, I barely even spoke. In fact, if I remember correctly, according to my parents, they even thought I was mute or didn't know how to speak."
Inna snorted at the ridiculousness.
"I told you I was a quiet child, right? Well, now you know. That's how quiet I was. Even my own parents didn't realize I knew how to speak. And that's because I didn't have the need to talk at all. Save for the nanny, I was always alone in the house. My nannies don't even bother making small talk to a child. With their jobs being hard enough as it is, I think a silent child would be way better than an annoying one. And they knew they were going to be employed for only a few months so it wouldn't help them to be attached anyways."
"And so, yeah, do you believe me now when I say I was a timid child?"
Raghnall nodded wordlessly, seemingly engrossed in the story that he wouldn't dare to make a sound. Inna chuckled lightly at his behavior before continuing.
"When I reached about 3 years old, my parents decided for me to start being homeschooled. They wouldn't want the burden of getting me to and fro school so homeschooling was the most appealing choice for them. So, my life back then was just like a pampered little princess who didn't need anything else in life. I remember that even my teacher wouldn't talk to me anymore outside of the class or lectures she had. It felt too much like everything was a business transaction. All the human relationships I had were just platonic, cold, and bland. And so, my only comfort for the next following years were the connections I had with the characters on my television."
Inna held a fond smile as she remembered all the shows she watched back then. No matter how childish or grave the story was, she loved every character. And that's because she wanted to be like them. She wanted their stories, their lives-- their whole being.
Because she didn't want herself.
"But when I was about 5 years old, my parents noticed my strange addiction to television. It's laughable actually… Of all the things they could notice about me, the first thing they saw were the bad things."
Inna snorted sarcastically before continuing.
"I was watching so much shows that I hardly had any sleep. My nanny at that time probably tattled on me. At first, they were okay with it. I only got away with a small scolding from my mother. But for some reason, my grandparents caught a whiff of the news so they blew up on my parents and demanded for me to attend a school that has to be outside of the house. It was so that they could pry me away from the television."
"Well, at first… I was excited at the thought. Too long I've been looking at the world through a small electronic box, y' know? I wanted to know what it was like to be a schoolgirl; what it was like to have friends, teachers, or just people around me. I was excited for it, but that doesn't mean that I was able to adjust well with the change."
Inna sighed shakily as she recalled her five-year-old self trembling at the doorstep of her new classroom. Everything back then was new to her. She could still hear the loud cries of children running through the playground, the chatter of their parents in the waiting shed, and the ringing of the school bell in her mind. It was as though her mind itself couldn't let go of the new experiences she encountered that it cherished every single detail by incessantly recalling it.
But the most unforgettable moment for her was when her teacher opened the door to her classroom. Different curious eyes of all shapes and colors were staring at her intently, making her tremble even more.
And as she stared back at them, different visions flashed through her mind, one of her being surrounded with friends, and the other being back to her room alone with a blanket wrapped comfortably around her.
So, with a sudden surge of panic and anxiety filling her mind, torn between staying and making friends or running away, she did what every child would be horrified to do during their first day.
She peed herself.
She peed herself and ran away with her pee still running down her legs.
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And what's worse, she got lost looking for the exit.
And so, she practically marked the whole school with her pee.
Inna snorted as she recalled the embarrassing incident. Like heck, she's going to tell Raghnall that. So, purposely omitting that fact, she continued.
"So, I… Obviously, I had trouble fitting in. I had to enter the school in the middle of the school year after all so everyone else had their group of friends. Though, the reason why I didn't fit in wasn't really because of them. Actually, there were lots of friendly children that tried to talk to me. The problem was actually, me. I was scared of them. I mean, who wouldn't be when I never had anyone to talk to aside from the television ever since? And so, whenever they tried to talk to me, I just keep distance and pretend I didn't hear them."
"And that… that triggered the start of my most horrible school life."
Inna sighed shakily as she once again recalled her childhood.
That incident was the start of everything…
It was through that incident that she became how she was now...
So, even with such scarring memories, she's still thankful because she can finally become someone who's true to herself and someone who's not afraid of judgment.
Even if the rest of it was all an act.