43 Darkness Falls

I went back to our little campsite. It was getting to be fully dark outside. The stars were shining, but I didn't stop to admire them. Instead, I went inside the tent that they had set up for me and pulled the flaps closed tight. I really didn't want to be inside the tent, but people might find it strange if I was sleeping outside. And with my emotions getting out of hand, I did not want to be seen at all right now.

Was I doing anything right as a dryad? There was no way I was being a good example of what a dryad should be. I was the first, yet I could not keep Faun safe. I did not notice when she went missing. It had now been nearly two seasons since she had been taken. Her powers were surely fading away. I had no doubt that she was locked in a dark room, not able to gather the strength she needed from nature. How much longer would she be able to last? I did not bother resisting the tears. I was a horrible excuse for a dryad. Why did I think that I could teach anyone anything?

The more I sat there the darker my feelings grew. It felt like storm clouds were swirling over my head. Soon a twister would form, tearing me to shreds. Then the world would not have to deal with this sad excuse of a dryad any more. That did not sound to be that bad of an idea right now.

I heard two pairs of footsteps enter into the campsite and set some things down, but I paid them no heed. I continued to ignore them while Leafia whispered something to the other, which was likely Istan. There was only one set of footsteps leaving the site.

"Laurel, are you okay?" I heard Leafia ask in a soft voice. I did not answer her and just sat there in my darkness. After a minute of silence she said, "I am coming in."

She let herself into the tent and sat right next to me. Part of me did not want to accept her there. But she put her arms around me. I tried weakly to shake her off, but she did not let me leave. We just sat there in silence. As time passed I stopped pulling away and eventually found myself leaning into her hug. My tears were wetting her shoulder, but she did not seem to care or say anything about it.

"You know if you want to, you can tell me about it," Leafia said in a soft voice. "Did you know I am grateful for you? Because of you I was able to make friends for the first time in my life." Leafia's words and presence were like and anchor to me as my thoughts spiraled out of control. Slowly, with her beside me, the destructive whirlpool of my feelings seemed to slow. After a few minutes she continued, "I may not be the best friend, because I have so little experience with it. But I am here for you. We are all here for you. You don't have to pretend to be strong in front of me. It's okay." She paused for a few breaths before asking, "What is it that got you so upset?"

I did not answer right away. I did not want to admit that I needed anyone. But trying to do this on my own was not working. It had only been a few days since I fell apart in Ivy's woods and I was already at this state again. Eventually I let out a sigh and decided to tell her. "Those men bickeringreminded me so much of my time with Faun. I could not shake it. It felt like I was falling into my memories and I could not tell what was really happening around me."

"It sounds like a nightmare."

"Yes and no. It was scary being lost in my thoughts and not able to find my way out. But they were great memories of my time with Faun." I could not keep a sad smile off my face as I thought about those memories.

"I don't know what it is like to have good memories. If I was stuck in a dream of my past I think I would fall apart." I could feel Leafia's shoulder shudder underneath my head.

"I didn't want to leave them. I did not know how happy I was spending my time with her but now it is gone. I am not sure I would have come back if it was not for Gray touching me on the shoulder to get my attention." I sighed. "It was after I came back that the dark emotions started to take over. I have no idea if Faun is alright. If she runs out of energy she will die. I feel that we are running out of time to help her. I am falling apart, but I have to stay strong. I need to lead you to help me find Faun. I need to be strong." I was trying to sound determined but it felt more disparaging.

"You don't have to pretend you are something you are not. That is something I have learned from my time with you. I was miserable trying to fit in back in the village. You don't have to pretend to be stronger that you really are. We are not going to leave you just because you can't do everything yourself. All you have to do is ask and we will do whatever we can to help you." She said squeezing me a little tighter.

I realized that talking with Leafia helped rid me of the dark emotions I had been having. The storm that was swirling around me felt like it had dispersed. There was even some light starting to appear in my heart again.

"Leafy?"

"Yes."

"If you ever think I am losing myself in my dreams again, will you please drag me out of them?"

I could tell that a smile crept over Leafia's face. "I would be happy to." We did not say anything more as we just sat there together with me resting on her shoulder.

Some time later we heard the footsteps of the rest of the party coming back to our campsite.

"Laurel, are you okay?" I heard Emily ask. "You were not acting like yourself tonight."

It was time for me to come out from the tent. I would only worry them more if I stayed in there. "I am doing okay now. Leafy helped me out. I was lost in some memories of the past," I said as I crawled out of the tent.

I sat and told Emily a bit of what I was going through. Leafia was sitting next to me. At some point I had grabbed her hand to help keep me steady. I had tried anchoring myself with the plants but they still were not enough to hold me steady. Leafia's hand acted like a holdfast keeping me from being swept away.

It seems like the men were trying to give us some space. They went to fill the barrels up with water so that I could make the medicine in them overnight. I really did not mind if they heard us. But I think that must be something humans and elves do. It did not seem like personal conversations were common between people of opposite genders..

This whole process of dividing roles by genders and reducing the private interactions between people of opposite genders did not really make sense to me. Part of that might be that I come from a race with only one gender. There was no meaning to dividing roles that way. Also romance was not a thing for dryads. I guess that is not completely true. We have Emily here to prove otherwise. I guess all I could really say is that I have never felt any romantic attraction. I glanced at Emily and then at Gray as he returned with Istan."I wonder what it might be like to have a lover?" I caught myself mumbling while I leaned against Leafia.

She seemed to hear me since she responded, "I have wondered that most of my life." I looked over at her and saw her eyes were a little harder than normal as they looked at how Emily and Gray interacted. I really did not know why.

"Leafy, what would you look for in your partner?" I asked. I had never really thought of what I would want in a man. Until recently I had met very few that were not trying to cause me direct harm. That was one thing I would absolutely not stand. The only two men that I had met that gave me favorable impressions was Gray and I guess I can count Istan. But there were two problems. As far as I knew, humans and elves where monogamous and they both had partners. But I also felt no interest in them in any sort of romantic fashion. Not that I really knew what it would feel like to be romantically attached to someone. I guess I was just thinking it should feel different.

"I am not really sure," Leafia responded. "I guess I want someone who accepts who I am."

I sat for a while thinking but could not figure anything out on the subject of romance, so I decided to give it a rest. It was getting late and they all had drinks tonight, so I shooed them to bed shortly after I had Gray and Istan put the barrels in my tent. I did not want anyone seeing me make the medicine, so in my tent seemed like the best place to make it.

Gray, Emily and Istan said goodnight, then fairly quickly went off to their beds. But I had not let go of Leafia's hand. We sat side by side, and I was finally able to enjoy the stars above our little camp. The peace of seeing those constant stars overhead felt bittersweet when I remembered the nights I had watched them with Faun. I didn't want to be lost in that darkness again, so I worked up my courage and asked Leafia, "Will you sleep with me tonight?"

I was expecting a little bit of shock from her, but her reaction was much more than I imagined. I could feel the heat coming off her as she started to stammer.

Since she seemed to be having a hard time, I said, "Please come lay with me." This did not seem to help. Trying to figure out what was wrong, I asked, "Is my lap not comfortable? You seemed to enjoy it the other night."

"You just want me to sleep on your lap?" she asked. Her voice still sounded shaken for some reason.

"If you don't mind, I would like that." A strange series of emotions crossed her face before it settled in a smile as she nodded.