‘The only memory I have of my father was when the day he died.’
‘If you ask me if that was shocking or sad, well…’
‘I’ve never thought about what it was like, but I didn’t feel anything like sadness or grief. The existence of a father was too far and abstract for him to come up with anything.’
‘Father—’
The word contains no affection or other fragments of emotion. They were all naught but meaningless words. It was unfortunate, in a way, but it was also natural for Caitel.
For him, parents were simply something that existed and nothing more. They were better off dead.
“Parents…”
The previous Emperor Ivan had three wives.
His first empress that he met while he was a prince, and the second empress after that… they both died from taking medication meant to cure their inability to bear children. Then came princess Erika from Izarta. Emperor Ivan’s last empress. Caitel’s mother.
Izarta’s princess was still a 16-year-old young lady when she married the emperor. When the princess was 15, she fell in love at first sight with the Emperor of Agrigent while she was in a faraway land.
At that time, Emperor Ivan was 29 years old. The whole country was alarmed when the princess expressed her desire to marry a man 14 years her senior. In the end, the princess succeeded after threatening suicide if the marriage wouldn’t happen. She became the official empress that she dreamed of being.
However, a dream was only sweet while she was still dreaming.
After seeing the emperor playing around with other women a week after their marriage, the princess fell ill from shock. Nobody cared about her, a foreigner from a faraway land.
“… mhm.”
He was staring at the ceiling of the room because he could not easily fall asleep. Then he heard someone move to the side. Caitel lowered his gaze. When he turned his eyes, he saw his daughter sleeping.
Unknowingly, he reached out to his hand to fix her messy hair. His sleeping daughter smiled as if she enjoyed that warmth. He’d never imagined him smiling just by looking at her smile. Like a welcome rain, she slowly seeped into his life. It’s an entirely new experience for him.
Extending his arms and patting her back in his arms, Caitel recalled his mother. Mother… He wondered if there’s another word as unfamiliar to him as that.
Caitel suddenly smiled. When he thought about his parents, all he remembered was a thick curtain, a dark room… and a voice that he had long forgotten. It’s so pathetic that he couldn’t even laugh.
“What a joke.”
He couldn’t even be a father, yet he said those impudent words.
An unpleasant sensation rose again. ‘You should be a good father.’ Nonsense.
He was dumbfounded and couldn’t even continue his words. He had no trace of hatred left, but he’s not forgiving enough to shrug off someone’s meddling. Caitel glared into the dark with a cool and sharp gaze.