Chapter 470

I just stood there without saying anything for a while. I thought of what Caitel had done for me. His favors, interests, and affections. I didn’t understand it then because I always lived with everyone’s attention and devotion in the palace, treated as the Emperor’s child. I failed to notice things.

“Don’t hate it?”

There were kids his age here.

I used to try so hard because I wanted everyone to love me, even after holding the soul of a 25-year-old. Caitel seemed old for his age.

At the age of five, his expression was already different from mine.

“What could I do even if I hated it?”

“…”

I didn’t know the answer.

Since I couldn’t answer him, naturally, I shut my mouth. Seeing my expression crumble, Caitel once again spoke words that were for his age.

“If I do something, more people will begin to hate me. It’s better to stay still like this. If I can live like someone not to be bothered with, no one will touch me.”

Really?

It was wrong. I felt so bad that I wanted to hug him.

My young dad was despondent at an age where he deserved love…

When I looked like I was about to cry, Caitel looked to the other side, wanting to avoid me.

“People are watching.”

Was I crying?

I managed to hold back my tears and wiped my eyes with my hands because of what Caitel said. I wasn’t sure who was who, but three women were at the center of the ball. Of course, due to my limited intelligence, it wasn’t possible to know who they were, but it seemed like those three women weren’t Empresses.

Caitel wasn’t being treated like that for nothing.

When I turned my head thoughtlessly, someone sat at the top. Wasn’t it empty before? When I saw his silver hair paler than my hair color, I immediately noticed who that person was.

Emperor Ivan.

My notorious grandfather.

Once I saw Ivan, I turned towards my right side. The child came into my line of sight right away.

“Aren’t you going to greet him? He’s your father.”

“I don’t have to.”

Although… as I hesitated, Caitel responded with annoyance in his voice.

“He doesn’t even know that I’m here.”

That was a straightforward answer, no discussion. He didn’t want to drag the issue any further.

However, he turned his eyes towards Emperor Ivan and muttered.

“It is a little sad.”

Still, he looked as sad as ever.

I knew where my beauty came from. Grandfather was so handsome, and I didn’t know it.

I thought he was a playboy by nature, but man, after seeing him in person, I could see that he looked like one; even if he weren’t the king, women would have flocked for him.

A scam. It was a little disappointing that there wasn’t a single thing about my grandfather present in our palace because Caitel had burned down all his portraits. He had quite the looks. The ball lasted the entire night.

Fortunately, Caitel was young, so we were able to leave earlier.

My little dad sighed the moment he walked out of the hall.

It must have been hard. Well, it was torture to stand there for hours in a place where no one visited the kid nor looked at me.

I knew then why Caitel didn’t want to attend.

I wanted to help him.

Even if it was a dream and not a reality.

“Not coming?”

At one point, Caitel turned around, realizing that I wasn’t following him.

I saw an unfamiliar expression and familiar eyes.

Little Caitel stood in the distance and looked at me. I smiled.

Caitel’s expression darkened as if he knew what my smile meant.

“Shall we go?”

“…”

He did not answer.

Caitel simply stooped and bowed his head.

“Are you… leaving me too?”

It seemed like he was familiar with it.

My heart tore upon hearing his words.

I shook my head. What the hell were the people doing to the little child?

“I had to go.”

I wanted to run right up to him and cheer him or comfort him, but all I could do was walk towards him and stroke his head.

My little dad.

I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to stay by him and comfort him. Dad was sad and lonely, and it was my impulse to look after him.

Everything was a dream, the illusions of memories that Caitel had. If he was my real dad, there was no way he wouldn’t recognize me, so I started wondering.

An illusion.

“Although it’s lonely, cold, and hard right now… be patient. A little more. Close your eyes and endure this cold, and I will come back for you.”

If I got myself obsessed with such an illusion, I’d never be able to find my real dad.

I felt sorry, but I couldn’t stay with him. I hugged my crying Caitel.

“Because we are a family.”

It was funny being in someone else’s dream.

My dad’s dream, but it was also my dream. I must have wanted to encounter my young dad, whom I never got the chance to see.

The illusions were made only for me.

A world created to hold me there forever.

“I love you, dad.”

In his childhood, Caitel was so sad that I wanted to do every possible thing for him.

However, he wasn’t the version of my dad that I had to find.

He was a huge person, sometimes acted like a child at will, vandalized things, and a nasty guy, but even he had a daughter.

Young Caitel was still in my arms. When a smile formed on the child’s lips, everything around me melted away.

Trees, buildings, streetlights, grass, flowers…

Even young Caitel.

… everything disappeared so quickly.

Looking down in my arms, I saw it was empty.

Dad, I need to find him…

I was still lost. Where on earth was dad wandering in his mind?

“It’s dark.”

Pitch black darkness where my hands weren’t visible. Of course, I had to face everything from the beginning. Shockingly, it wasn’t scary. It was embarrassing. I was in a real dream, yet I was too calm.

If I kept moving at this rate, I wouldn’t find my dad in time. Did I need to stay more with young Caitel?

It didn’t seem like I could gain anything from him.

Instead, as time passed, I only wanted to stay with dad and make sure he was happy.

“What should I do?”

I was still lost in desolation.

Suddenly the scenery changed amid my confusion as my worries began to increase.

The sky gradually turned black. The soil was wet beneath my feet.

As I lowered my head at my sticky feet, something strange but familiar came into sight.

Red puddles.

Blood.

As I raised my head reflexively, I saw a land tainted in blood—a terrifying landscape, covered in blood and piled with corpses.

What else?

At that moment, when I went stiff, I met someone’s eyes—the bloody gaze which was no different from the blood covering my feet.

Dad…

No sound came out of my mouth. Caitel, with his sharply forged sword, just the sight of him was enough to terrify people from a distance.

Which version of Caitel was he?

No, which memory was this?

Dad’s unknown past, the road which he had already passed, something I couldn’t change. It seemed more miserable than disastrous. I wouldn’t have been able to endure it.

I had nothing to say. I thought of forcing myself to smile at the dad who knew nothing but rage. I wanted to smile, but I had no reason to.

Something tiny swung right in front of me.

That… what was that?

I noticed that something passed by at the speed of light; it was after I blinked a couple of times.

Wait, hold on!

When I turned my head, I heard the sound of laughter.

The only thing I saw was the darkness once again, but it seemed strange. I recklessly ran to where the laughter originated.

And soon found…

This.

“This is me.”

… why was I there?

A small child ran for a long time and caught up, a tiny and cute lady, playing with a golden ball. It was young me.

Of course, it wasn’t me.

It seemed like the version of myself in the dream was playing a ball when I was two years old. No, four years old. It had been a decade.

Did I look like that? It was a strange feeling to see my father’s conscious memories. It was natural since I never met myself in person. Weird.

It didn’t feel like me; it was like another entity.

Pretty.

I admired her appearance.

As she rolled the ball, she ran around in the dark garden.

So lovely. She was so cute that I couldn’t believe that it was me.

Was that how I looked in my father’s eyes? I was shocked. Was I always so lovely? I always thought of how he would view me, even though he would view me as a naïve, unwanted baby.

I felt disgusted at what I was watching.

I couldn’t get used to it.

As I frowned, the young me stopped playing with the ball in her hands.

Huh? What?