Chapter 108 - Understanding

Gabe

Stumbling to my feet, all of the blood rushes to my head and the world spins. I focus on Olivia’s jacket on the chair across the room and try to get a grip.

“Please stop spinning,” I breathe.

A firm grip steadies me and my eyes slide over Odis by my side. His hands hold me up as he looks at everything but me.

I swallow.

Breathe.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I can do this.

“You can’t,” the darkness whispers. For Ady… I can pretend for today.

“You look like shit,” Odis grumbles, “and you smell even worse if that’s possible.” My lip curls on one side. Funny. I probably do. “You need to be presentable for Luna,” he says quietly.

I nodded unsure of what I can say. No words are spoken between the two of us for a while but I know the almighty stone-faced Odis is my friend for a few moments. And I almost cry, knowing there’s someone else who mourns her as much as I do. Having him close feels like the closest I’ve been to her since…

The wound still hurts when I move my arm too fast. Odis reaches around and his arm wraps around my lower back and grips my hip. I wrap my right arm around his neck and he holds me steady for the second time today. When I’ve got a firm grip, he leads me to the bathroom.

Sitting on the toilet, he turns away from me turning the shower on. I take a deep breath. Turning back to me Odis leans down and grips the shirt I’ve been wearing for days. I lift my arms in the air and with one movement he pulls the shirt off and throws it to the floor.

His eyes linger on the wound for a second too long and I wonder what the look in his eyes could mean.

“I’d take another knife to the chest if it would bring her back,” I say. The words pass between us before he breaks eye contact.

Pulling myself up until I stand on my feet. Odis glances at me and straightens his back before grabbing the door. “I’ll be outside,” he grumbles before closing the door behind him.

When I’ve finished showering and drying off there’s a knock at the door.

“You decent?” Odis calls through the door.

“We’re wolves man, we’ve already seen each other’s junk,” I say.

The door swings open and his eyes trail down before finding my eyes. “I got you something to eat. You’ll need strength for the day ahead of you.”

Tying a towel around my waist, I step out into our room as Odis backs up. Goddess, I miss her. My eyes drift to the table and there’s a croissant bacon egg and cheese sandwich, milk, and a container of fruit.

“Thanks,” I mumble as I head over to my dresser. Grabbing jeans and a hoodie, I throw them on before heading to the table. Odis sits in Olivia’s seat and this will be the first time I’ve had a meal with someone since she’s been gone.

It feels wrong to eat and go about my day like my world hasn’t fallen apart, like I’m not screaming my lungs out on the inside.

“Eat man,” Odis says. Sitting down, I glance at him and his hair is longer, it’s still long on top but the sides are longer too. He hasn’t been taking care of himself either. I wonder how long he was out. Was he out for long? Or did he not have a choice as Beta?

“I’ll take you to her when you’re done eating. Actually… you need a shave. I’ll help you out today. Don’t want her to worry about you more than she needs to,” Odis says. His eyes look down at my untouched plate.

Taking the hint, I pick up the sandwich and take a bite. Putting the sandwich down, I open the container of fruits and pop a strawberry in my mouth when I’ve swallowed the buttery goodness.

Damn.

This tastes good. Really good. I scarf down the sandwich and lick my fingers before eating the rest of the fruit. When I steal another glance, Odis is watching me apprehensively. A smile pulls at his lips when I finish it all.

He stands up, grabs my garbage, and throws it in the trash. I watch as he walks into the bathroom and grabs the razor bag from underneath the sink. I ignore the little green monster that rears its head asking how he knew it was there.

Walking over, I watch Odis put a towel down on the table before wrapping another towel around my shoulders. I stay still when I hear the sound of the razor turn on and I don’t try to move away when he pulls it across my temple.

I sighed when warmth pressed against my neck as he moved me to face another way. It felt wrong being touched, feeling the warmth from someone when all I’ve felt was cold.

“Here,” Odis said quietly, holding a face towel. I look up at him, completely confused. “You’re crying,” he said.

I took it with a mumbled, “thanks,” then swiped at my cheeks. Bracing myself, I raised my head and met his gaze. He was frowning. I swear he can see through me, the anguish, the darkness.

“After we failed her, we don’t deserve to end our suffering,” he whispers as he turns back and continues working on my hair. “Take it one day at a time, that’s all I can say. You weren’t the only one who lost her. The pain won’t go away and as much as we may want for it, maybe even beg for it, we don’t deserve it.”

We sit in silence, when he finishes, he pulls me to my feet. “She didn’t have a choice,” he says before turning and heading for the door. We don’t speak anymore but I follow him out. I don’t know what this is between us. It isn’t friendship… but maybe it’s an understanding.. I’m still at the edge but my heart feels a little lighter knowing there’s someone else who’s struggling without her.