65 Martyrdom overrated

She didn't know what to make of the letter. It was true that in the past few months her impression about him had taken a 360 degrees turn. His persona of gregarious, smooth talking Casanova had long since been replaced by a thoughtful and surprisingly sensitive being. The long walks with almost zero conversation were how the past few weekends had ended. A serene understanding between them had probably germinated out of loneliness over a period of time. But she wasn't looking for anything more than friendship, at least not yet. Also, this could be his way to cope with Chu's recently concluded engagement.

She typed out a reply and sent to his phone, "I got your letter. Let's talk when you are back. Have a safe trip."

Sitting at the Shanghai airport, Wei's phone chimed. With a wry smile, he read her message.

"So I am going to spend the entire thirty days on tenterhooks. Serves me right for being a coward. Should have told her this in person but I wasn't sure if I would have managed to get the right words out," he mused.

He thought back to the previous night.

Moganshan

After all her friends left, he had walked up to her, "are you too tired? Or should we continue with our ritual of walking?"

With a smile, she had nodded. Some of her hair tendrils had escaped the bun and she blew at them impatiently while switching to walking shoes from the ballerinas, which she carried with her in her tote all the time. The longing to caress her hair hit him hard, so much that he had to curl his fingers into the palm, lest they escaped on their own.

Just like the past five months, the conversation was sporadic that night and he found himself trying to segregate her smell from that of the trees surrounding them. He couldn't pinpoint the moment when he had started looking at Jia Li as someone other than Tang's ex. But he knew this for sure, she meant a lot more to him now than any other person ever had.

Born to a set of indifferent parents, he had learnt to keep everyone at an emotional distance early on. Chu had been the first person for whom he had lowered his defences consciously. Surprisingly, Jia Li had breached them without his even realizing it. The warmth that she exuded was a treasure, whether it was towards a suspicious father who brought his young daughter to enrol in the institute or their office peon whose multiple kids' names were on her fingertips. Maybe that ever present non-judgemental smile had thawed the frozen block in the body of the spoilt, insensitive man. He had found no condemnation in her eyes for anyone irrespective of the circumstances.

Funnily, he had started seeking her council on matters beyond the institute. If he found himself stuck in an interpersonal situation at work, he ended up calling her. Looking back, maybe he was using these instances to connect with her, discover her. Perhaps hoping that she would learn a little about him too and not walk away scared from what she saw in him.

Shanghai

He came back to the present with his flight announcement.

"Here's to hoping that she misses me as much as I am going to miss her," he wished, walking towards the boarding gate.

Moganshan

Li Jie read and re-read Wei's letter intently before letting it slide onto the desk before him. He lifted his eyes to look at his dearest friend staring out of the window pensively.

"What are you worried about?" he asked.

She didn't turn her gaze while replying, "I don't want to see another person getting hurt because of me."

Li Jie walked up to her and swivelled her around by her shoulders, "pray tell me, why is the burden of ensuring everyone's happiness rests on you? Is he not a grown man with a mind of his own? In fact my respect for him has grown post reading this. There are very few people who have the courage to take the risk of exposing their hearts to another. I believe, had my two friends showed such nerve, their lives wouldn't have been as miserable."

Jia Li gave him a glare for bringing up her past but he was impervious to it.

He continued, "you may hate me for saying this but it is the truth. Your & Tang's love lacked faith, in yourselves and each other. That resulted in hasty decisions and heartaches for everyone involved. Yes, you were at fault, but you weren't the only one nor the biggest one. Everyone is accountable for their own actions. And frankly, I find martyrdom highly overrated."

She punched him in frustration, "thanks for the invaluable insights, Doc. Living in a new city with your partner isn't the same as taking him to your family for acceptance. Aren't you running away as well?"

"I know the reaction Zhu Kong's (his partner) and my family would give us. That's precisely the reason why I didn't bother wasting my time on it. I am currently living a happy life with the person I want to be with. Had I tried to mould myself in the frame my parents wished for, I would have been as miserable as you. So maybe I am running, but at least in the right direction," he finished with a sad smile.