230 Honest Confessions

"I thought of letting you know but I was scared, shit scared. What if you didn't want to see me? At least this way I had the element of surprise on my side," vulnerability shone in his eyes.

Jia Li asked, "then why didn't you tell me about it on the first night when we met. We had enough time."

Tang blushed crimson at this and said, " well, I… that is, I had planned to discuss it with you when I was going to drop you home."

She looked at him in confusion.

"But you didn't come and drop me. In fact, you seemed almost relieved to let me go by myself," she tried hard to keep the petulance out of her voice.

"Argh… that's because I didn't trust myself to be anywhere near you at that time. You have to understand that I had seen you that night after long, lonely months. You looked great, you smelled wonderful, and, you felt MINE. I knew you weren't anywhere close to being ready for the emotions which I was experiencing at the time. So I thought it prudent to let you go home on your own. I honestly didn't remember to talk about my reason for being here. Hell, I didn't remember anything except wanting to hold you in my arms and more ," he bared himself.

It was Jia Li's turn now to turn pink in the face of his brutally honest words. Her cheeks felt ablaze and so did the rest of her body. Lowering her eyes, she concentrated on the menu card in her hands.

But it seemed like Tang wasn't done yet.

"I am preparing," he spoke softly.

She looked at him in enquiry, her thoughts still on his earlier confession.

"My relation with my father is at a much better place today that it has ever been. It gladdens my heart but I don't intend to go back to the Xie mansion ever. That's why I have bought a condo and done it up myself. I hope you will like it. I haven't mentioned this to anyone yet, but I intend to resign from the director's post in the company. I will stay on as a shareholder but I don't want to work either with my father or Wang Wei on a long term basis. Please don't ask me the reason why," he paused and looked at her.

Without waiting for her to respond, he continued, "one of the reasons for me to invest in Zheng He's company was to ensure that if tomorrow, this is what interests you, then you can have an opportunity waiting for you when you decide to come back home. I know you may think that I am being presumptuous or manipulative. Please don't. I am only trying to think of options which may interest you. That's all."

Jia Li was stunned, simply stunned into silence. She had never ever seen this side of Tang. It wasn't about what he said but what he didn't hide.

He didn't hide the reasons behind his actions this time. He didn't shy away from talking about things. He didn't RUN away.

Her heart was ready to slip out of her body and take its original position in his. But she had been hurt too many times and too much, for allowing that to happen.

"Thank you… for feeling this, for doing this and most importantly, for sharing it with me. I am really touched. You were bravely honest with your words, and I shall be the same. After a really long time, I am in a space where I am enjoying my surroundings, learning new things, doing amazing work. I am not willing to look beyond this currently. I know… I am being selfish. But I want to grow as a person, want to experience new things. I am sorry, can you understand what I am trying to say?" she asked, a touch apprehensively.

She was worried that she may have hurt his feelings by saying all this. But it was important that she communicated what was in her heart. She didn't want to compromise or sacrifice what she had achieved till now.

Tang relaxed upon hearing her words. He had been worried sick that she might say that she didn't intend to return ever.

"I understand. And no, you aren't being selfish. In fact, after seeing you in the office yesterday, I am so so proud of you. You have come a long way in such a short span of time and on your own abilities," he started.

Drawing in a deep breath, he said, "I am really really sorry. All this... everything which you have had to endure for the past seven years has been my fault. The reasons may have been different. I have been an indifferent coward, an arrogant prick, a liar and worse. It is a miracle that I am able to sit in front of you, being able to see you, and talk to you after my past actions."