261 I am an Alloy

Hui didn't want to impose his own feelings upon her, not when she was so overwhelmed already.

But they were going back the next day and he didn't want to go back to being boss and employee without saying what was on his mind.

Later that evening

"The place is not far from here. Would you like to hail a taxi or should we walk it?" Ying Hui asked Jia Li.

She told him that she didn't mind walking to build an appetite. Upon reaching the place, they were seated at a table next to the window. The place overlooked the Nile. In the night, the river seemed mystical. The full moon threw its reflection onto it, making it seem like a ribbed sheet of silver rather than ink blue.

She was struck with a thought while looking at the river and swung her gaze towards Hui to share it with him. He was caught red-handed, staring at her. She gave him a quizzical glance. He seemed to suddenly have a peculiar expression on his face.

"Uh, Ms. Lin… Jia Li, I have been meaning to have this conversation with you for some time now. As you are well-aware, words are not my forte. I am barely expressive, forget eloquent. So try not to judge me too harshly as I bare myself to you," he started on a serious note.

Jia Li frowned. What could he possibly have to say to her which needed such preparatory words? She nodded her head, encouraging him to go ahead.

"For the first time in my thirty one years of existence, I have fallen in love. The depth of emotions which you invoke in me, have left me stumped. My clinical, precise heart which only knew measurements, now even thumps at an irregular beat, in defiance of everything logical. Will you… would you like to match your beat to mine?" his voice and eyes held trepidation and intensity, mixed with sincerity.

Jia Li was stunned. Not once in the entire duration of her employment had she sensed any sort of romantic feelings from her boss's end. She didn't know how to respond without hurting him. But she at least owed him a reply. With a deep breath, she calmed herself down.

"Mr. Ying, I am honoured. Your words really touched me. And I hope you will soon find someone worthy of these emotions," she said softly.

Forcing herself to meet his eyes, she struggled to find the right words to make him understand, "I am an alloy, Mr. Ying. I am no longer a metal. My heart fused with someone else's, really long ago and however much I try, it is impossible to reverse that amalgamation process. All I am trying to say by giving this poor chemistry example is that my mind and soul belong elsewhere. I would hate to see such a sincere heart as yours wasting its beats on someone who can never match it."

Hui looked away, unable to bear her gaze. He could see the depth of pain in her eyes. It was as if she had allowed him a peek inside her soul. And there was only bleakness there, emptiness.

He wanted to ask her about the person. He was curious to know what did it take to capture her heart and keep it forever. Who was the lucky guy and why wasn't he with her? How could he have let her go? But Hui couldn't bring himself to say this out loud. Maybe he was scared to know the answer.

Neither of them spoke much afterwards. But there was a shimmering intensity which lay in its aftermath, on that table. Murmuring farewell to each other, they walked towards their respective rooms.

Hui realised that he didn't want to end the conversation on such an awkward note. He turned around and walked upto Jia Li's room. Raising his knuckles to knock, his hand froze in mid-air.

Jia Li reached her room and threw herself on the bed. She couldn't stop the gut wrenching sobs from flooding out. Every night she had been sleeping with sorrow getting the better of her and tonight was no different.

Hui forgot what he needed to say, wanted to say… standing there helplessly, he could hear the muffled sobs despite the door separating them. He cursed the person who had caused her such anguish.

"I won't be a reason for causing her any additional pain or awkwardness. That's the least I can do for her," he vowed to himself and traced his steps back towards his own room.

They came face-to-face the next morning at the breakfast table. Jia Li looked uncomfortable but Hui gave her a warm smile. He waited till she had filled her plate and brought her to the table where he had been sitting.