Chapter 415

"Take a look at your MRI. It shows that at the lower end of your spine, there's a podlike object spreading. It's actually a large neurofibrosheath tumor."

Adam was listening. Although he was distracted for a moment, on the whole, he was really listening attentively - at least trying to concentrate. But these medical words are really unfriendly. Now he is full of question marks and confused.

"All right..." Realizing that the doctor's words were over, Adam responded conditionally and nodded his head, but his eyes were at a loss, showing the opposite meaning. Even the end of the words rose slightly, showing his confusion and uncertainty.

For a moment, he was a little tongue tied, his pupils were shaking unsteadily, and his brain could not make an effective response. He pondered, put on a polite smile, and tentatively asked, "excuse me, did you just speak English?"

The doctor seemed to be used to this situation for a long time. He interrupted Adam and said, "it's a malignant tumor."

"Tumor?" Adam's question mark had fallen into his eyes. The corners of his mouth rose slightly and invisibly. The inexplicable sense of absurdity was surging between his eyebrows.

"Yes." The doctor was avoiding Adam's eyes.

"Me?" Adam's eyebrows were raised. He seemed to have heard a joke, and the smile had flowed out of his eyes.

"Yes." The doctor is still avoiding his eyes. He keeps his head facing Adam, but his eyes have drifted to other places. Since he entered the room, he has never looked Adam in the eye.

"Poof." Adam finally couldn't hold back. He laughed, shrugged his shoulders and turned his eyes in disbelief. "But it doesn't make sense." Adam widened his eyes, spread out his hands, and put on the appearance of truth and reason. The smile and ridicule at the bottom of his eyes were very conspicuous. "I mean, I don't smoke or drink... I'm a recycling type." After that, Adam turned a blind eye and seemed to make complaints about himself.

Recycling, in fact, is environmental awareness, the earliest meaning is the reuse of domestic waste. But now it has gradually developed into an attitude towards life. Adhere to a green and healthy lifestyle.

But recycling is also considered a label of the white middle class self advertised value orientation, and has become the object of many people make complaints about it, which is also Adam's turn to lose his eyes.

But the doctor didn't understand Adam's humor. He raised his eyes and gave Adam a quick look, but then he hung down again to hide his true feelings. "In fact, your situation is quite special, because your etiology is very rare. The gene mutation on chromosome 17 and the mutated p53 gene lead to the canceration of cells..."

But this simple action, in Adam's eyes, further widens the distance between the two people. It's cold, unfamiliar, indifferent and desperate. The white in all directions begins to surge in, pulling away all the colors.

Adam's smile on the corner of his mouth and the bottom of his eyes became stiff little by little. His soul seemed to be leaving his body, leaving only one body. The doctor's words began to lose their structure, leaving only a group of fuzzy syllables, beating on the eardrum, like echoes in the valley, but no specific words could be heard.

What gene? What chromosome? What mutation? What kind of cancer is it?

These words seem so familiar, but so strange; It seems so close, but so far away. He tried to listen more attentively; He tried to understand every word of the doctor, but gradually lost the capture of syllables. He didn't understand a word, he only understood the doctor's voice——

Calm and steady, which means cold alienation, no room for maneuver; Professional and objective, open the distance between doctors and patients. He didn't even dare to look himself in the eye.

Patient, so, he's a patient.

But what does that mean? What disease did the doctor say just now? Why can't he remember at all? Why is his brain in a blank? Is his mind completely bogged down?

So, what's going on? Who can answer for him?

He tried hard to see the doctor's eyes and find a trace of emotional temperature in those eyes, but he failed. The evasive eyes only left a cold side face, like the God above, calmly and objectively stated the fact, but this fact, however, brutally and ferociously defeated his life.

At this moment, his life was judged: a judgment that he could not resist or change.

That pair of dark brown eyes began to become empty, just like a quicksand black hole, you can vaguely see the quicksand sinking, but you can't see the limit, just continue to sink, endless cycle, originally just the size of the embroidery needle black hole, began to slowly expand, devouring the color of the whole pupil.

Gradually, slowly, the soul hidden in the depth of the pupil is like a wisp of smoke.

That blankly blankness can't find any focus and focal length. It's just like the Arctic Circle in the cold winter. Only the boundless white, the boundless and magnificent white engulfs the whole world. There is no reference or horizon. Everything disappears in the pure and thorough white.

Nothingness, emptiness. But the corner of the mouth is still stiff with the radian of the smile, but no longer feel the warmth of any smile, making people shudder.

White, he hated white, endless white, everywhere he could see white, cold and clean, but he could not see any change, just like his life.

Every day I lie on the bed, waiting for the doctor's routine inspection, then check, and finally listen to the diagnosis without any change. It's like a white world with no end point and boundary. No matter how he runs, no matter how he changes direction, no matter how he changes speed, the scenery around will not change. The first day and the last day seem to be the same.

Boring, boring, stereotyped, so he was trapped in the same place, can not find the exit, also can not stop.

The memory of the last life is like a flood that broke a levee. When he was caught off guard, he was engulfed. The frustration, anger and despair that he was imprisoned in a small space swept up again. Even before he had time to breathe, his reason was burned up in an instant.

He struggled, trying to struggle, but to no avail, the body can not hear the slightest call; So, he began to roar, angry roar: liar! The doctor in front of us is a liar!

His life is over at this moment, and he can't see the future or the future.

He will be trapped in this hospital bed for ten years, full ten years, long ten years, and never see the end of ten years. He even thought, is it better to die on the spot? He was just like a walking corpse, imprisoned in this white world, even deprived of the right to struggle and resist.

But the doctor was afraid to look him in the eye.

He can see the colorful world, he can see the doctor's chatter, he can even see his hands and feet, but his soul is moving away in the dark, Gradually lost all control of the body.

Exhausted the whole body strength, still did not have any movement.

The smell floating in the air, mixed with the stimulation of hydrogen peroxide and the drying of drugs, filled the chest, constantly surging, disgusting. Is he Chu Jiashu? Or Adam? The boundary between reality and illusion suddenly became blurred, and a sharp and profound pain came from the heart, as if the pendant had gone deep into the soft heart.

Tumor. Cancer.

All of a sudden, these two words, which are not strange to him, sprang into his mind in an unreasonable way and ran rampant, which made him a little irritable and flustered. For no reason. He didn't understand what these two words had to do with him?

He just came to check because of the bad sleep quality caused by low back pain, didn't he? So why is he here? Why did he have this conversation with the doctor? Why does he feel an uncontrollable restlessness and anger? Why does he have an emotion surging in his chest and want to vent it?

Adam tried to refresh himself. He raised his hands and wanted to do something, but he didn't know what to do. He paused in the air without any trace. Then he fell down again and grasped the back of the chair. Suddenly, he felt as if he had grasped the straw. His muscles were tense. All his strength gathered towards his hands, and the whole person stood up.

But soon, the whole person sat down again, and the power that had just gathered in an instant dissipated again in an instant. The whole person was as if his backbone had been removed, and he was sitting in a chair helplessly and powerlessly; The eyes are moving around in fear, and the pupils are shaking aimlessly, which makes people feel the inner shock and trembling clearly, just like the autumn leaves shivering in the cold wind and rainstorm.

That kind of panic drags his body bit by bit into the darkness. He is struggling, he is shouting, he is asking for help, but no one can hear him. Everything in his sight has become a fuzzy and gorgeous halo, even the outline can't be captured. Breathing, the lungs can not feel the slightest oxygen, rising temperature began to burn up, panic and loss, but can not find the focus.

He raised his eyes and caught them in a panic. Then the outline of the characters in his eyes became clear again, and the doctor's voice became clear again.

Don't understand, he still can't understand, he seems to understand, but it seems to understand nothing. Tinnitus is constantly echoing, but this is the only focus within the line of sight, and also his only object of help.

Involuntarily, the body slightly forward, full of desire, the desire to survive.