Chapter 561

What is real despair? Is it the sigh of giving up, or the numbness of accepting? Maybe both.

The real despair is like drowning, trapped in a deep blue, the sunlit water is on the top of my head, but my hands and feet don't paddle any more. I just feel the burning pain of the air disappearing from my lungs, and then gradually away from the water, sinking towards the more intense darkness.

The process is slow and smooth, without any waves or struggles. Maybe it's a second, maybe it's a century. When the lung can no longer search for oxygen, it's full of cold lake water, when the sight can no longer search for light, the darkness is firmly surrounded. Suddenly, a line is broken, and everything is over. Without warning.

Henry fell into despair, he tried to restrain his own tears, he tried to stay away from the noise of the world, but the chest pain is still very clear, still true and sharp to remind him: even if he becomes a walking corpse, but he is still alive.

The voice in my ear is so clear. The murky groans of drunkards, the dull reverberating engine sound of buses, the trivial and sharp friction sound of high-heeled shoes, mixed in the breeze of the night, reverberate on the eardrum constantly, dirty, cheap, vulgar, ugly, rude, primitive and real, just like the garbage heap covered with white mucus, flies are buzzing up and down, Thick liquid Hula Hula up and down closed, involving the disgusting filaments.

Henry didn't want to pay attention. He refused to pay attention. He opened his eyes wide and looked straight ahead. His wounded soul was struggling to find a breathing gap. Then the groan in his ear suddenly reached the top and seemed to be released at last. Then he heard the vicious voice, "call out the stinky money!"

It was a tender voice, but with the vicissitudes of life not in line with the age, fierce and vulgar, the vulgarity that had gone through the dust had a strong nausea. Henry reflexively cast his eyes, not out of curiosity, just in response to the sound, and then he saw the thin and tender figure——

She looks only 12 or 3 years old, and her body is not fully developed. She has a black lace suspender hanging in her dry curve, and her lower body is wearing a worn-out black net socks and cheap plastic diamond high heels; The immature face still carries the baby fat, but the white skin is covered under the poor foundation and the bright red lipstick.

She is under age, and she is a service practitioner who sells her body.

The soul who hasn't had time to grow up can't wait to live 30 years later. The serious sense of disobedience is like "Truman's world". It turns the absurd reality into comedy, which makes Henry's mouth hook. This should have been a mocking smile, but the smile has become a shallow arc, staying in the corner of the mouth, because she turned her head.

Erica noticed that a calm but hot sight was projected. She turned her head reflexively and glared at each other fiercely. Then she saw the deep eyes. There was no special emotion, only the thick gray. She could see a touch of pain and sadness, struggling gently, That handsome eyebrow is like the midnight sun, thin and magnificent.

Sammy was stunned. This is not the plot of the script. According to the script, she does not need to turn her head at the moment. Instead, she concentrates on the drunkard's reward. However, she felt that deep vision, almost physical reaction, turned her head. When she turned her head, she regretted it. Is it because of her own fault that the shooting will stop this time?

But then Sammy saw the eyes. The reality in her mind gradually faded. She was immersed in her eyes and caught the pain and sadness hidden in the bottom of her eyes. The suffering was like a storm. She tore her pretty eyebrows and endured the extreme sadness. Gradually, she was a little bit desperate. Hard, hard to poke in her heart, soft, strong, all fragmented.

It's not performance, it's reality.

Before her brain thought, she showed her teeth and glared at each other as if she were demonstrating. She didn't know what she was, and she totally forgot whether she was Sammy or Erica. She just made such a move subconsciously.

Immediately, she ignored each other, turned her head and looked at the customer in front of her. She looked like a hyena fiercely, showing her irregular but still white teeth and showing her power. "Do you hear me? Give me the stinky money The present reward is more important than that man. When the service is finished, the transaction will be finished.

The smile stopped at the corner of Henry's mouth and he saw the eyes.

Clear but worldly, stubborn and sharp, uninhibited and fragile, she tried to protect herself, and then put on the coat of vicissitudes, recklessly against the world, bumping head to head to break the blood, but not to escape, nor to dream, hope or freedom, just to live.

The loss and fragility hidden behind her eyes was too deep. Maybe, even she didn't realize it. In this freezing world, she has no mind to think about other things. To live, to be strong and to live by no means is the only point.

Those scornful, critical, ironic, condescending eyes, for her, have no meaning, just like the loss and vulnerability can not let her fill her stomach. So, she raised her mouth, as if to laugh at Henry's self righteous, and then turned her head, disapproval.

This is the future of society, and this is the status quo of the next generation. In this broken, dark world, it seems that there has never been a future.

A sharp stabbing pain penetrated into Henry's heart, which gradually became stiff because of despair, but the heart felt no pain, only a piece of cold. The cold all over the sky seemed to be accelerating the process of stiffening, and the bitter ripples made the taste of despair clearer bit by bit, Every cell in the whole body is suffering.

The young face didn't find Henry's downfall at all. She was still committed to her service fee and provided service. Naturally, she had to give something in return. She smashed the drunkard's thigh and said, "give me the stinky money quickly!"

"What?" The drunkard was so drunk that even a moment of joy could not wake him up. Just like this sleeping society.

"Do you think I like you? Give me the stinky money quickly She is still screaming and shouting, using up all her strength, and the courage to go out for life is moving. She is waving her hands, trying to find her own reward from the drunkard, even if it's only a few dollars, "now!"

The drunkard finally woke up from the numbness of alcohol. It was only a moment. He raised his right hand and slapped the young prostitute in the face heavily. The strength of throwing out was so fierce that she fell to the ground and her mouth was full of blood.

Out of plan, again out of plan. But this time, Sammy's brain is clear, without the slightest panic, she can clearly and accurately feel the calm line of sight, falling on her shoulder.

According to the script, she should stand up and look down at Henry and start teasing each other with her eyes. She was worried because she didn't know what "provocation" was. But at this moment, she did not need to think, also can't think, that ordinary sight as if there is a strong force, is pulling her.

She thought of the makeup artist's words. So, she raised her head, complied with the conditioned reflex of physiological reaction, and met that pair of eyes. The deep and mixed eyes stabbed her vulnerability. The faint pain in the corner of her mouth began to billow under the burning eyes. An uncontrollable emotion surged up, and her eyes were full of bitterness and irony, as if to say: am I in a mess? Did you have a good time? So what do you think? Should you pay? After all, there are fees for performances.

The snake like eyes mixed with grievance, unruly, anger, jealousy, hatred, ridicule, ridicule and indifference, like a torrential rain, vented to Henry. It's a soul full of scars, a soul trapped in hell, a soul who chooses to exile himself because he can't see tomorrow, a soul who hates society and hates others.

At this moment, she's not Sammy, she's Erica. He's not Langley. He's Henry. Under the gaze of those eyes, she involuntarily raised her chin and cast her eyes contemptuously and provocatively. The impulse ran rampant in her chest, just to let it out freely and without any cover.

Henry sat quietly in the same place, no surprise, no consternation, no fear, but the long gray bit by bit nibbling at the last color of his body.

How ridiculous, how ridiculous. Such a soul, however, is only 12 or 3 years old, and its tender to green face has not even been able to take off the milk of childhood. The disharmonious contradiction makes everything absurd and uninhibited, just like the deformed and magical society in "one hundred years of solitude", which makes people not know whether it is fiction or reality.

At the end of despair, Henry chose to accept and accept the reality. The deep pain can no longer stir up any ripples, because the soul has been broken, the pain nerve has exceeded the limit, he can no longer feel any pain, nor feel any pity, nor feel any hope, so, quietly, quietly looking at the eyes, calm, from the inside out permeated with a touch of cold, It's chilling.

Erica smelled the cold and fragile air, and she realized that it was a prey.