Chapter 1073

It shouldn't be. It can't be. You can't do that.

He is struggling, he is struggling with all his strength, like a lunatic, but no matter how he struggles, his limbs can not feel any strength, even the tingling feeling of the rope rubbing against his wrist and ankle has completely disappeared, as if... As if he has become a high paraplegia again.

Below the neck, I can't feel anything. Even the daily excretion of metabolism can only be completed with the help of other people. That sense of shame, that sense of powerlessness, even if lying on the bed for ten years, is still deeply imprinted in the mind, and can never be used to, and can never be erased.

No, no, no, he doesn't, and he doesn't want to. If so, he would rather end his life in this way. Only after he has truly experienced freedom, can he understand that "muddling along" is the most terrible and terrible thing in the world. He, No.

Suddenly, a smell of blood spread in the mouth, and the strong smell of blood made the voice vague. "No, no, no, no", all the words had disappeared, leaving only a simple syllable, but we could not distinguish what we were denying or rejecting.

He still refuses to give up, refuses to compromise, and struggles frantically. However, all the efforts seem to be in vain. Standing on the other side of the challenge arena is fate, the universe and the whole world. It takes only one finger to defeat him completely. His tiny, so insignificant, even lighter and weaker than a grain of dust.

The natural universe is so big, but his world is so small.

"Jiashu, Jiashu!" A cry came from far and near, and then fixed his shaking head with both hands, and cried, "Jiashu, calm down, cold... Quiet..." but when he said that, the voice choked up, and the words quietly disappeared between the lips and teeth, stumbling and stumbling, he said, "at least, at least you are still alive. At least... "

In those familiar eyes, he saw his reflection. The former Chu Jiashu had black hair, yellow skin and black eyes. He was a little thin and his eyebrows were sparse. But at this moment, his lips were stained with a touch of bright red, and the blood between his lips and teeth was stained with the lip petals. However, his face was more and more pale, as if a cuckoo were weeping blood.

No, he's not chujiashu anymore. He is now lanli hall. Now he has left the hospital bed. He has successfully pursued his dream. He has really become himself. It shouldn't be like this. He is trapped in Chu Jiashu's body again, but... But he is lanli hall. No, it's not right. It's impossible.

"No! no It's impossible. It's impossible. No He roared crazily and struggled constantly. The whole world fell apart. Even in the face of the universe, the powerful force was strong enough to shake it. But... Then he realized that all the tsunami just happened in his mind. It was just his spirit fighting.

In fact, real life is calm.

In Ding Yanan's eye projection, he saw the pain, he saw the suffering, he saw the struggle, he also saw... Motionless himself. All his struggles, all his confrontations, all his unyielding and all his anger are just ideas in his mind. His body has no response, no response at all.

It's so cruel, it's hard to hit.

So is "Langley hall" just a dream? All that is just a beautiful dream for him? Now, when he wakes up from his dream, he returns to the reality again, to the immovable body, to the fate that no matter how hard he tries, he can't fight.

How beautiful the dream is, how cruel the reality is.

Easily, all the psychological defense lines were completely defeated, caught off guard, he did not even have time to make a defensive posture, the whole person began to fall apart.

I closed my eyes and the hot tears fell down. He clenched his teeth tightly to prevent his despair and fragility from leaking out, but the continuous tears had scalded his cheek, and the helplessness and blankness firmly bound his body, and then he fell slowly and endlessly.

"Jiashu, don't do that. Everything will be fine, Jiashu. Don't give up easily. " Ding Yanan's voice is full of pain, standing beside, but helpless, she wiped off the tears on her son's cheek, but instantly wet again, the hot temperature let Ding Yanan can't help but withdraw his right hand, firmly covered his mouth, don't let himself cry.

Why is that?

What is a dream? Is Langley a dream, or is gravity a dream? Is the past 23 years a dream, or is the 32 years lying on the bed a dream? Is He Lan Li or Chu Jiashu? Is he still an actor?

When he opened his eyes again, the universe disappeared and the earth disappeared. All he could see was a piece of white in the ward. His ears heard the voices of family members and patients on other beds. That was the familiar Chinese. Everything is so real that there is no way to refute it.

Those movies, those dramas, those friends, those lives... All the memories gradually began to become blurred, more and more distant, more and more distant, almost disappeared. About London, about New York, about actors, everything is just his dream, he is still Chu Jiashu, is still the patient trapped in the hospital bed.

Those freedom, those dreams, those memories... And the wind on the skateboard; Step on the surfboard and cover the huge waves above your head; Climbing on the cliffs, the roaring wind and the clear blue sky... All of them are just an illusory dream.

In real life, he is still trapped in this space, even unable to take care of his basic life.

So what else can he do?

He could do nothing but wait to die quietly.

From reality to heaven, and then from heaven to hell, the huge gap of ups and downs suddenly crushed the camel's tall body, and all the willpower was fragmented. This time, he didn't want to fight. He gave up.

Open your teeth and bite your tongue. As long as you cut off your tongue, the surging blood will instantly block your throat. Even if you don't bleed too much and die, you will be directly suffocated. This is the best ending. Without hesitation and determination, he bit it down.

"Jiashu! Jiashu! Don't scare me, Jiashu Ding Yanan's hands were shaking constantly. She stuck her son's chin, and then put her fingers in. At the critical moment, she stopped the closure of her teeth. The pain, which was like the tide, almost made Ding Yanan faint. But she bit her teeth tightly and refused to let go, "doctor, doctor."

Cry between, tears fall down like this, "help, who can come to help, help my son, doctor, doctor! Please, please. " Ding Yanan's voice has completely collapsed, trembling and shouting, that helpless despair, like a black hole, completely involved all the life and disappeared.

Then, the doctor and nurse surged over, they grabbed his chin and freed Ding Yanan; They put braces on his teeth and stopped him from trying; They deprived him of his last right. Now he has no chance to commit suicide. He can only lie here like a walking corpse.

No, nothing.

Now, the only thing he can do is to stare round his eyes and express his emotions with his eyes. Even the shaking of his head and the opening of his mouth have been firmly fixed. Except for his eyes, all other parts can't move. This is the real helplessness, just like the helplessness hanging in the air, which can't reach the sky or the ground, even the resistance can't find a point to borrow.

"I hate you." He looked at Ding Yanan and saw his bloody right hand. He couldn't help but close his eyes and hide his pain and struggle. He couldn't bear to say the words of killing his heart.

But even such words, because of the relationship between the braces and become ambiguous up, saliva constantly flowing out, just like the loss of consciousness of patients in general. The last trace of dignity, his last trace of dignity are deprived, which is more cruel than the whole body red fruit, from the depths of the soul can feel the sense of shame.

"I hate you." He opened his mouth again, his vague words were completely wet with tears, his saliva was all over his chin, his despair, his helplessness, his pain, his anger, all were torn to pieces.

"Jiashu, don't do that."

"I hate you! You are too selfish, you are not for me, you are for yourself. If you really do it for my good, let me go. I don't want to be stuck here. I don't want to be tied here and then tie you here. I don't want to, I don't want to! My life, your life, are all tied to this bed, nothing.

Don't you know how vast the outside world is? Don't you know that this is not the only one in our world? I don't want to stay here, I don't want to tie you here, let me go, when the accident happened, I should die, I should die there! Why save me? Why? "

He was saying, even if it was vague, he was still saying it persistently. After 32 years of Chu Jiashu's life and 23 years of Lan Li's life, all the ups and downs and all the surging emotions broke out in an instant. Even if he couldn't say a word clearly, he didn't give up. He just said it unswervingly.

However, those words fell in Ding Yanan's ears, but only a babbling syllable was left. It seemed that Chu Jiashu's soul and personality were dying out bit by bit. She was so helpless that she looked at the doctor, "he... He..." she tried to give some help, tried to return her dignity to her son, but she was at a loss, and could only help her mouth, He kept shaking his head.

"Jiashu, don't say that. You are my son. How can I give you up? I can't do it. I really can't do it. "

Nightmare, hell, disaster, he seems to return to the dream that never wakes up, but what is the dream, what is the reality?