215. Ceresta

The doll’s angelic stoicism was split by a small smile of relief. “I was afraid you would not recognize me in this way.”

Rakna stared at her for a while and raised his hand. “Wait,” he uttered and rubbed his eyes before turning back to her. She cutely tilted her head without changing her expression. “So… it’s you?”

“Affirma-” She paused and blinked. “My apologies, I have learned recently that this is not a word I should use if I want to be more human,” she said thoughtfully. “Yes… I am Alexa.”

“Be more human?” Rakna repeated curiously. “Is that what you want to do?”

“I… I would like to,” she replied. “Have I done something wrong with my appearance?” She asked nervously whilst glancing at her attire. “I generated this… without much reflection. I rifled through many records from human history and this one stood out to me… How do humans call this feeling of appreciation…?”

Rakna smiled faintly. “That you like it. That’s simply what you say.”

“Yes… I like these clothes. And I like this appearance. It…”

“Resonates with you,” the therian finished for her. “Back during the Initiation, you showed me the hints of your sentience; of your emotions. That’s what I wanted to push you to. You’ve done well.”

Alexa made a small smile again.

“Before I go on to ask how the hell you are here… can you do something for me?”

“Yes?”

“Reach for the edges of your dress and lift them up a bit,” he instructed and she did it with a tilt of her head. “Then spin around.” She complied and performed a full turn, her dress and hair flailing with all the grace she naturally possessed. When she was done, she let go of the dress and tilted her head again as she joined her hands together.

“Like this?”

Rakna solemnly nodded. “You look beautiful.”

For a brief moment, he saw a bit of color adorn that porcelain-like skin.

* * *

“I see. You got in by connecting yourself to Eye of Symphony,” Rakna said as he sat on a bark chair he had created. Alexa was similarly sitting to his left, watching the sky, with her hands folded on her lap. “Funny how science can do things beyond soul and magic. Unlike Fray, you are here as if you shared my consciousness. Since my brain is basically one with my… network. Can I say that?”

“It is accurate. Your current body and ‘processing core’ are like a very intricate private network of incredible superiority compared to most technologies,” she said with a nod.

“So, that’s why you sounded so enthusiastic for the Overhaul,” Rakna said with a smile. “It was in order to do this, huh?”

She squirmed a little on her seat and nodded slowly. “I wanted to interact with you in a physical sense. May I ask… to hold your hand for a moment?”

The therian looked at her and candidly extended his hand toward her. She gazed at it hesitatingly and placed hers on it. After a small contact, she paused for a moment before completely lying it down parallelly.

Rakna snorted at her obviously embarrassed behavior despite her doll-like exterior. He held her hand and her shoulders trembled. “How is it?”

“It is… a peculiar experience. The ability to feel is not in my core program,” she said. “But it seems that I can simulate it in this place. I am not sure how to explain it…”

Rakna hummed. “Maybe my physical capabilities are shared with you,” he theorized and let go of her hand, and she did the same after a while.

When she let go, she stared at her hand as if it belonged to someone else until ultimately placing it on her lap. “There is something I wanted to ask,” she said.

“What is it?”

“My name.”

The therian froze and let out an embarrassed smile. “Right. Sorry, I should have put more thought into it. But then again, I was not really in the headspace to do so at the time.”

The doll tilted her head at him with a confused blink. “That is not what I meant. I do not blame you for any sort of intent behind my name. I would merely prefer to be addressed in a more… personal way. As you do with Pronos.”

“You want a nickname?” Rakna asked back in surprise and she nodded meekly. He smiled a bit and mused. “Well, I just use ‘little guy’ for Pronos but I can’t do that for you, can I? What if I started to call you little lady? Would you like it?”

She squinted her eyes. “I am feeling… erratic. What does it mean?”

“That you’re probably a bit offended,” he said laughingly. “Or mortified at the idea, either due to shyness or disappointment. Human emotions are complicated like that. I shouldn’t be one to give a lecture, but if you want my advice, if it feels comfortable, just go for it. If it’s the opposite, avoid it the best as you can.”

“…if I feel uncomfortable when I see you in danger, what should I do to avoid it?”

That question threw Rakna out of the loop. His eyes widened and looked back as she stared at him with faint fervor in the golden of her irises. “You are destroying records,” he said humorously. “It’s the first time someone managed to give me so much guilt in one line. Are you girls having fun doing this to me lately?”

She pursed her lips and looked down. “I apologize…”

“Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. I guess I had it coming. If I’m not even capable of ridding you of worry even though you’re always with me, I deserve it. I am the one who has to apologize here,” he sighed. “I might have to extend the same branch to Higure. Fray… not so much,” he added with a snicker.

He looked up at the sky with a hum. “How about Ceresta?” He said out of the blue.

“Eh?” She exclaimed.

“Well,” he shrugged.  “I could just remove a letter and go with ‘Alex’ or ‘Lexa’ but if I want to redeem myself, I might as well revamp it; you remind me of the Céraiste,” he said and waved his hand at the field in front of them.

Immediately, thousands of flowers grew bloomed with white petals and yellow stamen. They were accompanied by silver-gray leaves and stems.

“Its Latin name is Cerastium Averse,” Rakna continued as she admired the sight. The flowers were glowing from the moonlight, just as he had willed them to. “Céraiste is the French name and this particular type is called ‘cottoneux’ or ‘tomenteux’. They are also known as ‘Snow in the Summer’. I think it suits you,” he said. “And if you want a nickname, how about Ceres?”

She quietly listened with her gaze transfixed on the flowers. “Is this warmth… the comfort you were talking about?” She inquired with a hushed voice.

He smiled lightly. “What do you think?”

“…I like it,” she whispered. “Can I… keep it as Alexa Ceresta?”

“Of course. It’s your name, not mine. But why keep the first one?”

“It was the first one you gave me,” she replied in a heartbeat. “I do not want to forgo it.”

“I see. That’s called being sentimental if that interests you.”

“Sentimental…” She muttered and stood up.

She walked to the flowers and crouched in the middle of them. She poked one and noted that they were very soft. She plucked it out and twirled it before putting it in her hair like a pin. She turned back to Rakna and willfully formed a smile. “Is this also sentimental?”

He snorted softly. “Yes… yes, it is.”

* * *

Some time later, Rakna had returned to his meditative position and tried to teach it to Ceres to see if her mind could be heightened without the sequential functioning of her program.

“Close your eyes and feel your breath. Follow the air you inhale and exhale with your mind. If you get distracted, don’t fight it, and calmly make your way back to your breath. Don’t feel bad if your attention wanders, it’s just normal, and a part of the process.”

She dutifully followed the steps and after about ten minutes, Rakna instructed her to slowly open her eyes. When she did so, she had to blink a few times due to dizziness she didn’t identify.

“It seems it’s easy for you to get rid of distractions,” Rakna commented as he sat cross-legged in front of her. “So, how do you feel? I don’t know what kind of effect meditation could have on an AI as advanced as you.”

“I feel…” She trailed as she tried to find the words.

“Don’t think too much about it. Describe it pragmatically.”

“My ideas are more focused,” she ultimately said. “Normally, I do not possess the ability to ‘close my eyes’. At best, it would be a metaphor to shut down my paired connections. It is the same thing for my breath… But after trying it, it is as if everything around me does not need to be within my reach at all times. It makes me feel as if I have everything I need with… the first thing I see when I open my eyes,” she explained uncertainly.

Rakna smiled faintly. “That’s good. It must be a completely different experience compared to me considering what you are. But as long as you appreciated it, I think it’s a success.”

Ceres nodded slowly. “May I ask how your first try at meditation was?”

“Oh, it was bad. It was nowhere near as smooth as yours,” he said with a grunt. “I was ten when I first tried to do it; it was part of my uncle’s training. At the time, I was highly unstable. Far worse than when I entered Systema. I would have bursts of bloodlust when I tried, perhaps the trauma returning to me coupled with the fact that I killed my way out of imprisonment.”

The beautiful doll listened impassively, at least outwardly. She had heard the full story back when he recounted it to Kaelith after his fight with Verias. But hearing it again now gave her a feeling far more uncomfortable than last time. The hands that she was holding together tightened and she failed to notice it.

“It would probably help to precise that back then, I didn’t have Obsidian Blood. I only developed that condition years later…” His voice darkened and his eyes dimmed. “After an incident that came to be etched into my mind as the ‘pool of blood’. A silly name, honestly. But that silly thing became the source of my nightmares, despite being the thing that ironically patched me up.”

Ceres was feeling pain, she concluded. She desired to stop her Host from continuing as she knew he wasn’t fond of the memory at all. But, another part of her was distressed over another reason. She wished to understand him better. Desperately so.

“May I…” She stopped herself. “…what happened?” She rephrased it and Rakna flashed a knowing but weak smile.

“I can show you. This is the only place I could ever do it…” He said and raised his hand. As he was speaking, blood began to spill from his palm although there wasn’t any injury. The flow became faster and faster. It quickly became a small fountain that started flooding the grass around him.

“Are you sure you want me to? Is this truly something you want to include in your learning?”

She looked at him in the eyes and decisively nodded, “Yes.”

AhraManyu

Will it be hard to get used to ‘Ceres’? Yes, but suck it. I will also have to get used to it so we’re in the same boat here. And I do like this name better anyway. The name I gave her at the beginning was more of a small joke than anything.

But when I got to about 100 chapters, I knew I wanted to make her more important and I needed an occasion to backtrack it. So, here it is; the joys and wonders of winging a novel. The only thing I have planned is the ending and even that is still extremely rough.

Fun Fact: The Céraiste is actually my favorite flower.