Chapter 68 - WOLF IN THE DARK

While I was listening to what Kyle was saying I could feel a warm sensation coursing through me. It was a happy and confusing sensation. I knew that I liked it, but I didn't want to admit what it was, because deep down, I really did know what it was I was feeling. I just wasn't ready to admit it to anyone, especially myself.

"I have one more question, Jacy." Kyle's voice was still sounding serious as he spoke.

"Yeah?" I was nervous again. I didn't know what it was that he wanted.

"You said it's been a while since you've been in your wolf form right?"

"That's right."

"How long is a while?" I could feel him looking at me but I refused to turn my head and look at him.

"Do you mean a full shift or just a glimpse of my animalistic side?" I once again tried to avoid his question but he had me in his arms and I knew that he would chase me if I ran so it was just a feeble attempt at avoiding it.

"Jacy, you know what I meant. Please stop trying to evade me."

"You should get used to it, it's just par for the course for me. I am a sarcastic person and am like this all the time. You should just learn to love it."

"Learn to love it like I love you?" He asked me as he nuzzled the side of my head. 

That just about made my heart stop. I couldn't believe what I just heard him say. Did he tell me he loved me? This was too soon for me. I was just coming to terms with the idea of him and here he was telling me he loved me.

While I was just sitting there, waiting for my brain and heart to start again, I felt Kyle jostle me a little as if to get my attention.

"Earth to Jacy. Come on, answer my question."

I had to shake my head a little to bring myself back to my senses. His words had temporarily fried my brain and I was having trouble thinking anymore at all. What was I supposed to be answering for him again? Oh yeah, how long it's been since I shifted.

"OK, to answer you honestly it's been way too long. I have shown a glimpse of her power over the last few years but I haven't had a full shift in closer to ten years maybe. About five years ago or so I let her come to the surface to show herself to someone but I didn't actually shift. Aside from that one slip she has been hidden away in her cage this whole time."

I felt him staring at me again and it was a while before he started talking again. In fact it felt like it was dragging out. I felt compelled to look at him this time and I didn't stop myself.

What I saw when I looked at Kyle was pure anger and frustration. I was glad that I was not a weaker person. If I was that look would have made me flinch. As it was I held my ground and just looked at him with firm eyes.

After a few more minutes of silence Kyle finally looked down and shook his head.

"Hahhh." He sighed loudly before looking back up to meet my eyes. "How could you?"

"How could I what?" I didn't quite understand his question as he had stated it.

"How could you lock your beast away like that? Don't you know that if you lose touch with your beast you will never be able to shift again?" I saw sorrow in his eyes now. I wonder if he was thinking it was too late for me.

"To be fair, I do know that. But part of me wanted to lose her. If I didn't have her I could just move on to being a normal human and I wouldn't have to hide who I really am anymore at all." It looked like that was the wrong answer for me to give.

"You can't lose your beast. It's like a partial death to you. If she dies then you could go right along with her." He looked afraid. Was he really that worried that I would die?

"I'm sorry." It was all I could think to say. "I didn't know what else to do, Kyle. I have been in hiding for over ten years now."

"You need to bring her out. You need to set her free. And for the Goddess's sake Jacy, you need to listen to what she is telling you."

I knew that everything he was telling me was true. I knew that I needed to be smarter about all of this. I knew I needed to shift now. If only for the fact that I would need her to fight against my family.

"Come on, we're leaving." Kyle grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room. He was moving so fast that I didn't even have time to think yet. He didn't head for the elevator, instead he opted for the stairs, which he carried me down before running out the side door and into the woods.

I thought he would set me down when he was out the door but he didn't. Kyle continued to carry me for about three miles as he ran deeper and deeper into the woods. The trees were so thick that I was certain that no one could see us at all.

That was apparently what Kyle wanted since when he finally stopped he set me down and growled some unbelievable words at me.

"OK, time to strip."

"Excuse me?" I snapped the words at him like they were a whip telling him to back off.

"You're going to try and bring your wolf out now. You need to do this before you lose her altogether."

"Now isn't the time Kyle."

"Now is the perfect time. I am here to protect you and if you wait much longer you will have to wait until the baby is born."

"But I-." I was going to protest again but he interrupted me once more.

"I said strip." I could see the Alpha power burning in his eyes but it didn't affect me.

"I am not your pack member Mr. Alpha Kyle, you can't boss me around."

"No, but you are my mate and I am worried about you and your wolf. Now strip and shift."

"Geez, you're so pushy." I grumbled as I reached for the buttons on his shirt that I was wearing.

Kyle looked satisfied that I was doing as he asked, more like told me to do. Once I was naked I just looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Enjoying the show?" I held my hands to the sides like I was displaying myself as a prize.

"Partially. I will enjoy it more when you shift." He grinned at me to let me know that he was in fact enjoying it already.

"Fine."

Despite me trying to shift right away I found that it was harder than I had expected. Kyle was right, I was losing touch with my wolf. Maybe that was why I had been hit with the morning sickness so bad.

"Come on, shift." Kyle urged me while I just stood there in front of him.

"I'm trying." I whispered the words so he wouldn't hear them.

"What?" He asked me because he obviously did hear them.

"I said that I am trying!" I nearly yelled the words that time.

"You see what I mean." He ran a hand through his hair like he was frustrated. "OK, what you need to do is start with talking to your wolf. You need to coax her out."

I did as he asked. I sat on the forest floor and closed my eyes while picturing my wolf. The dark brown and light brown colors of my brindled wolf. The shape of the ears I remembered. The way I looked while standing in wolf form.

After a minute I sensed a thread connecting my human mind and my wolf mind.

'What do you want?' My wolf asked me with a dejected tone of voice.

'I want to bring you out.'

'Why? You don't need me anymore right?' My wolf sounded seriously depressed and I only had myself to blame.

'I am sorry. I was wrong to lock you away. I was running from a past that I didn't accept but I need to face the facts. You and I aren't two different beings, we're one. I am you and you are me.'

'You will just lock me away again. I don't want to see the light only to be locked away again just like the last time.'

'I swear to you I won't. I want to bring you out now and I will never lock you away again.'

'Promise?' Right then my wolf sounded like a scared little girl. Probably like I felt when I ran away from home.

'I promise.'

'Please don't betray me again.'

With that I felt my wolf coming toward me. I felt her take over my body and the shift begin to take over me. I had nearly forgotten how amazing it felt to shift into this other form. It was a feeling of pure freedom.

When I opened my eyes I expected to see Kyle looking down at me.. Instead I saw a pile of his clothes sitting next to a large black panther.