Chapter 68 - Two Things Collide With Each Other

"Chunghee, have you visited Sister Hyu Nie's grave?"

I smiled. I walked toward a middle-aged woman who asked me while she was cleaning the windows of her house. Once near her, I replied, "Yes, I have. I was just there to change the flower and pray for her."

Hyu Nie was the name of my mother. Meanwhile, the woman who just asked me was my mother's younger sister, Bo Hwa. Even though she was almost fifty years old, her face still looked younger than her age.

She lived alone as her two sons were working outside the city, while her husband had died since her eldest son was ten years old and her younger son was five years old.

However, even though she was my mother's younger sister, I didn't get along with her well as we saw each other rarely. As I remembered, from the past until now, we had only met three times; since I was five years old at my mother's funeral — when my grandmother died — and now.

Distance and busyness were the main reasons for us not seeing each other rarely. She lived and worked in Jeju, while I lived and worked in Seoul. Moreover, in the past, my busy schedules never made me think about 'family gatherings'.

Since her husband's death, Bo Hwa had chosen not to remarry and was raising her two sons on her own. Even though those days were the hardest days for her, she managed to get through it all by hard work that wasn't the least bit teary.

She told me that about two days ago while sobbing when she remembered how hard her life in the past, and made me feel both amazed and sorry when I heard a heart-wrenching story from her.

It seemed that I could make a story from her as a lesson to forget someone I still loved. It was also proof that without even a loved one, someone would also be able to survive.

She smiled and stopped his activities immediately, then put the cloth she used to clean the window by the door.

"Come in. I just brewed tea," she said kindly, as she took my arm and led me to sit on a wooden chair in the yard.

Then, she entered the house and came out by carrying two cups of tea in his hand. "Here, I heard this green tea is the best, so I bought it yesterday. But, I just tried it today, hope it will taste good." She chuckled until the wrinkles at the corners of her lips and under her eyes were visible.

I smiled in response to her words, then sipped the hot tea that she had just put on the table.

"How does it taste?"

"Delicious."

Honestly, the taste was quite bland, and since I wasn't a lover of tea — any type of tea — for me — tasted no different.

"Chunghee?"

I put my tea that I just enjoyed back on the table, and got ready to hear a thing she would say. Her face turned serious, cold but there was courage in it. She asked, "So, you are going to Sokcho tomorrow morning?"

I nodded to answer while smiling at her.

"Hmm, but Chunghee, where have you been all this time? It's twenty-seventh years ... or even more since your mother's death, but I haven't seen you visit her grave all this time — just this time."

The question took me by surprise. I lowered my gaze a little, then answered in a low voice, "I visited her four or ... five years ago. However, I was quite busy at that time, so I couldn't take the time to visit you here."

It had been quite a while, and I knew that I was indeed a sinful child.

I seldom visited her. Even, during my parent's death, twenty-seventh years ago, I was despicable to only visit my parent's grave four times until now. It made me like a selfless adult!

After hearing my explanation, she was stunned; staring blankly at the cup of tea in front of her.

Until the next few seconds, the woman could be heard sighing heavily, and in a weak voice she spoke, "I feel bad for our family ..."

She lowered her gaze for a moment and I could see a tear falling on her face, almost got into her tea. "Our family is selfish. Including me. We are more concerned with our works than having to meet each other. I don't even know the news from our entire extended family. And sadly, we will only be met if one of our families faces God."

Unable to contain the deep sadness, she began to cry slowly and getting stronger. She stammered to say her words, "How sad ... only death that ... brings this family together. We ... will only greet each other ... if ... if one of us are grieving."

Her sadness made me realize that she had been wanting to complain about her disappointment with our family for a long time ago but couldn't find the right one until I came as a place for her to talk about it.

I looked at her with sorrowful feelings, lamenting her words that were the truth. Everything she said wasn't falsehood. It immediately made me realize that I also had thought about such things a long time ago.

However, as I was someone who was busy and blinded by someone's love, made that thought just disappear like dust blown by the wind.

I took her hand for warmth and hoped that her crying would subside soon. There was nothing I could do at this point, apart from giving a gentle touch and being empathetic. I didn't know if it would fade her sorrow or even deepen it.

She had not said anything yet with tears rolling in her eyes. While I was also silenced by feelings that couldn't make me say a word, apart from just continuing to look guiltily.

Until a few seconds later, she pulled her hand from my grasp, then wiped her tears. She smiled to drown out her sadness.

After calming down, she spoke, "Chunghee, are you married?"

I flinched, and was stunned for a moment before answering with a smile, "I'm not married yet. I don't even think about it right now."

"Really? Then the ring?" while saying, her eyes glanced down at my hand.

Realizing her looking at my finger, I immediately pulled my hand, hiding it under the table. "Ah, this ... this isn't a wedding ring."

I lowered my gaze with my hands clasped tightly under the table. I didn't want to answer my current relationship with someone and was silent until finally, her cell phone rang.

"Ah, hello? Good afternoon, sir—"

When she answered the phone, she immediately stood up and stepped away from me a little.

After she left to pick up the phone, I immediately breathed a sigh of relief. I was grateful as I didn't have to tell another lie.

I looked at the ring on my finger and felt mournful in my heart. I squeezed my chest to relax myself and sighed heavily. 

I really wanted to take this ring off, but my hand refused the wish. However, if this coiled around my fingers, it would also continue to hurt me.

These were two things that collided with each other.

"Chunghee, I have to go right away."

Her voice startled me. I immediately turned towards her and forced a smile.

She looked in a hurry. Tidied up her clothes, she spoke hastily, "I have an urgent business all of a sudden."

Seeing her was about to leave, I stood up. "Hmm, I have to go too. I have to prepare all my things."

Hearing about this, she suddenly stopped and asked, "Give me your number. I'll call you when I go to Seoul one day."

I was stunned for a moment before saying, "I lost my cell phone. But, you can meet me in Sokcho. I'll be there — at my grandmother's house."

By the look on her face, she looked so surprised to hear my words. However, perhaps because she was in such a hurry, she didn't respond. She just smiled and then left.

After she left, I also left to relax myself.

However, while walking away, the tears that had been held back flowing with emotions from all my sadness, regarding our recent conversation, where our family would only be reunited only at the death.

Thinking about this, something crossed my mind all of a sudden.

What about me? Will my family come to visit me when I die?

I was helpless when it came to family.

Everyone, whoever I consider being family didn't really care about me.

Donghwa ...

My sobs were getting stronger, made my steps stop. It really hurt. By just remembering his name made me hurt even more.

He didn't even realize that he was the most precious person in my life and the only one I considered as my family right now. However, he was forced me to leave and sacrifice my feelings for these many years as he wanted me to do it.