Chapter 94 - Expressing His Heart Feelings

"Enough! I'm sick of this! You've gone too far. First, you accused me of hiding your ring. Now, you pretend to offer such a thing. Next time, what else?" he said cruelly.

I lowered my gaze, and said guiltily, "I'm sorry about—"

"I'll sleep in the next room tonight." Kim Daehyun cut my speech with a grim tone. He grabbed the pillow and hurriedly walked towards the door.

Because Daehyun ignored my words, I yelled at him before he stepped out, "You said you love me!"

Instantly he fell silent after hearing the question. He was petrified like a living statue in the gloom, while I was waiting for how he would respond to the question.

His hands clenched into fists at his sides, then turned his body towards me. His gaze suddenly darkened and cold as he glared at me as if enveloping the entire room. It made him look like a different person!

Then, because of the increasingly overflowing emotions, he spoke quite loudly, "Yes, I do! But it doesn't mean that I have to indulge you for something like this. I'm not someone who wants a relationship just to fulfill my lust! I want a relationship like a normal family. Not just sex! I'm not a man who you can offer that kind of thing."

Paused for a moment, he added, in a tone that sounded gentler than before, "Should we talk about this now? I will never do something like that with someone who wants to do it just because he feels like he owes me. I don't want to do it with someone who pushes himself, get it? Don't insult me ​​with such a thing, okay?"

I slightly lowered my gaze so that I could avoid making eye contact with him directly while speaking in a voice that sounded almost inconclusive, "I'm not pushing myself, either."

He laughed hollowly, then lifted his eyelids, showing a sharp and cold gaze. He gritted his teeth as he said the words, "Heh, okay, let me say it clearly. I don't want to do it with someone who has no feelings for me. You get me?!"

"...."

"Stop saying nonsense like that. It sounds like the words of sluts I've met out there. It doesn't suit you."

As soon as he finished his words, he suddenly froze. He clenched his fists tightly, then saying in a suppressed voice, "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

Even though he was heard apologizing, his words sounded insincere.

I grinned coldly. Hearing the words of humiliation, I didn't feel offended at all. There was so much pain engraved in my heart that his words meant nothing to me. I replied calmly, "It doesn't matter. You're not the first to tell me that."

After hearing the words, his hands that had been clenched firmly at his side slammed the wall, resulting in a loud thud that made me gasp speechless, feeling frightened.

"This chitchat makes my mood get worse." He came out of the bedroom by slamming the door quite hard.

I pondered for a moment before slowly laying down and curling up in silence, feeling anxious in a dreary, empty room. I even still felt the cold aura that Daehyun emitted in this room and thought that he wasn't that different from Donghwa when they got angry. They were both bad, it's just that Daehyun was more able to suppress his emotions and control himself better than Donghwa.

Closing my eyes, my head was thinking about the things he just said a minute ago until I fell asleep out of concern.

Perhaps, his words were the truth. Pityness would only make me misbehave. I realized that my overly impulsive attitude should make him furious.

I was too naive as someone who couldn't confirm his own feelings yet!

However, in a semi-conscious state, I suddenly felt a gentle touch on my head. I didn't open my eyes on purpose to feel the big palms with long fingers stroking my head compassionately

I knew that it's Daehyun ...

Moments later, a deep, deep voice sounded like a soft, sad whisper, "Chunghee, I'm sorry. You must be scared to see my reaction earlier. I'm sorry, okay? I promise I won't do that again." His voice was full of guilt.

"But, I mean it, you don't have to push yourself. Even if you don't have the same feelings as me, don't make things more complicated for you. You don't have to love me if you can't do it. That's enough if you're willing to be with me. For me, that's enough to be called a fortune."

Daehyun probably thought that I was sleeping right now, so he confided in me all his feelings.

"But, do you want to know what is in my true heart? I never dare to say this directly to you, but I also can't keep it for too long." He paused for a moment before continuing, "To be honest, I wish I could see that feeling in your eyes. I want us to live like lovers who love each other. And ... I want you to forget him. Can you do that? Can I replace him in your heart?"

I tried so hard not to move when I heard those words, holding back all the words that had accumulated on the tip of my tongue.

He certainly couldn't replace him. Donghwa was like a permanent engraving that couldn't be erased in my heart other than destroying the thing.

He chuckled softly but didn't express the joy in his heart. "Do you know how I felt when I saw your eyes and there's only him in them? It really hurts me, you know. To be honest, it was very painful, but I only covered it up all this time because I didn't want to look jealous. But, it seems I failed. I'm too childish in love affairs indeed, right?"

"Chunghee, when can you see me? Only me. Not him. When will you say my name in your sleep? You know, I'm always jealous of him. Even though his lover always says that he doesn't love him anymore, in fact, every time you fall asleep, you always mention his name. I'm too jealous for something like this."

Keeping my eyes closed, I tried to be strong even though my heart cried hearing such deep words of him.

Those words were an expression of his heart, which would never be spoken by his lips. I knew that they had been inhabiting his heart for a long time.

He continued to say, "I wish I could say this directly to you, but just looking into your eyes, make me speechless. I'm a coward, right?"

After his words, there were drops like cold water that fell on my face. I can feel it clearly and it's not just once but several times. I was immediately surprised, but I didn't dare to open my eyes.

Is he crying?!

However, he didn't say anything more after that. He stood up and only heard his footsteps getting further away, then disappeared as the sound of the door closed.

Instantly the sadness that I had been holding back made tears flow down my face. I cried silently as I didn't know what I had to do.

Right at midnight, I suddenly woke up from pain in my right side of the stomach. I turned to the side and saw Daehyun not sleeping here tonight.

Due to the intense pain, I felt nauseous, so I quickly got out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. I vomited with blood, nothing could be worse than that.

After that, I slumped to the floor, lowering my head between the knees. My stomach hurt, my liver hurt, none of my limbs felt better. However, the point that hurt the most was in the part of my heart.

I never thought that leaving someone would be this bad. However, I also stubbornly didn't want to return to him. This was like a trauma that always occupied my head. I was afraid to be betrayed for the umpteenth time.

In the silence, I suddenly thought of running away from this place quietly and going to a place where no one could find me. However, after remembering that I owed Daehyun a lot, leaving him would only make me feel even more guilty.

Now, I felt that Daehyun's kindness was what trapped me.

I struggled to stand up, stepping out of the room to find Daehyun while holding my stomach that ached. As soon as I opened the bedroom door near the stairs, I saw Daehyun already sleeping in it.

I sneaked in, stepping onto the bed, and trying not to make the slightest noise that would make Daehyun wake up.

Then, I laid beside him quietly. Facing his back, I looked at him first behind before closing my eyes, as if I had mustered intentions to face a decision in the future.

Before I fell asleep completely, Daehyun seemed to feel my presence behind him, so he turned around, and suddenly gasped when he see me curled up behind him. He was heard like he wanted to say something but in the end, he didn't say anything and ended up hugging me. I could feel how he hugged me tightly but I was reluctant to open my eyes and forced myself through this dilemma night.