After our brief conversation, I just kept silent without a word. Along the way, there was only a cold silence between us.
After we arrived a few minutes later, I immediately got out of the car indifferently, without saying anything, even I didn't smile at all.
As Yunhee reminded me of my troubles with Daehyun, my mood that was so eager had turned terrible, leaving no joy. Luckily, since he helped me this time, I was able to hold my tongue not to say much humiliation.
Upstairs, I immediately opened the door, then stepped into the empty room that looked so boring, gloomy, and full of anxiety, as if this room was a place of torment from all the mistakes I had ever done.
It felt suffocating.
I felt my way around the wall, looked for the light switch, then turned it on. After this gloomy room was being lighted by the lamplight, this empty room finally looked more alive than before.
However, as soon as the light turned on, my eyes caught a figure who was asleep on the sofa, wearing a warm coat on his body.
Frowning, I swept my gaze across the clean-looking table, which had looked different from the last time I was here. I then walked towards that person, looked at him for a moment, then muttered softly, "Sunyeon?"
When I was sure it was him, I angrily kicked off the sofa, then shouted, "Wake up, you slut!"
Hearing my roar, he gasped in surprise, then slowly opened his eyes. He looked at me in a daze while rubbing his eyes before getting up from his position.
Looking at me, his sleepy eyes suddenly brightened up. He smiled as if revealing how much he wanted to see me all this time, without feeling guilty for entering someone's house without permission.
Holding back my outburst, I tried to say my words as calmly as I could, "How did you get in here?"
The smile on his face gradually disappeared. He slightly lowered his gaze, then replied, "Ah, that ... your door wasn't locked, so I immediately walked in. I swear, I did nothing but clean this room and cook a meal for you."
He paused for a moment, lifted his eyes slowly, then said anxiously, "Brother Bae said that you were in the hospital last night, so I was going to visit you this morning. But, he didn't let me because he was worried that if you woke up, you wouldn't want to see me. So, I decided to wait for you to return."
"And do you think I want to see you now?" I asked viciously.
Sunyeon looked scared. He lowered his gaze without saying a word.
I took a deep breath, then emphasized, "Leave right now."
He bit his lip before he brought up the thing I didn't want to hear. "But, I want to talk to you. You promised me that you want to discuss our relationship properly when you have time. I called Hoonsik and he said that you vacated the schedule yesterday, so I decided to call you. But, why didn't you ever pick up my call?"
I was silent for a moment, then sighed heavily. "I know and I remember my words, but not now. Just wait till I have time and I'll let you know."
Hearing my words, Sunyeon immediately looked at me angrily. He complained, "I'm not sure you will! You must be using that excuse to run away again, right?! I don't—"
"Sunyeon!" I interrupted angrily, "I'm in a bad mood. I warned you."
After saying that, I turned around, about to head to the bedroom to change my clothes. However, before I took a step, Sunyeon shouted behind my back, "Brother Lee! I just want us to go back to how we used to be. You hid me for three years from your lover and I'm not willing if you throw me out today!"
"All this time you told me to be quiet, and I was quiet! You came to me when your lover didn't serve you well, but I still accepted you! And, when you fought with your lover, you always took your anger out on me. You hit me, tortured me in bed, and even you almost killed me! But, once again, I stick with you! Then, what makes you angry with me? Tell me, then I will do my best to change myself."
Hearing his stubborn words, weren't much different from his whimper previously. I clenched my jaw tightly, trying not to be violent.
But, after a moment of silence and struggling to hold back, I finally turned towards him as my palm also landed on his face hard, causing him to fall on the floor.
This anger no longer allowed me to think clearly as if I had lost my sanity. I thought that feeling sympathy was just a fool that would never deter him from saying stubborn things over and over again.
Seeing him grimace in pain, I spoke nonchalantly, "I told you that I'm in a bad mood today." I was silent for a moment, showing a dead glare at him who was touching his face before continuing my words without pity, "Get up. Hurry up before I resort to brute force to make your legs stand up, bitch."
With trembling legs, he got up without a word. And with tears in his eyes, he tried to stare at me.
However, as soon as he stood right in front of me, I heartlessly hit his face again, causing him to fall again.
I walked towards him, while he was about to avoid me by dragging his body backward. Looking into his eyes, he seemed to look at me like a criminal who was about to kill him.
Without caring, I grabbed his leg, then choked him by the neck. As soon as I was about to land one punch on his face one more time, my palm suddenly stopped at the edge of his eyes.
Seeing Sunyeon trying hard to stop himself from crying, I slowly lowered my hand, but still showed an angry look without saying a word.
Sunyeon did always obeyed my words back then. For a long time, I had always told him not to cry when I hit him, even when I tortured him in bed when we had sex. A single tear fell in his eyes, then I would be even harsher to him regardless of whether he was in pain or not.
That was the rule I made for him. But, now, I realized that it was a mistake to let him be with me all this time.
I used to enjoy it but now, there's only pain at the end of my own games.
I removed my grip on his neck, then stood up. Sighing silently, I asked dryly, "Tell me, how many years have you been with me?"
With hesitation, he replied in a shaky voice, "Three years ...."
"During those three years, have I confessed my feelings? Did I ever say that I love you?"
"...."
"Tell me, who wanted to sleep with in the first place?" I asked again.
Sunyeon was silent.
A few seconds without any response, I shouted again, repeating the same question, thus making him acknowledge himself!
"Heh, therefore, don't ever think that we have really been dating for these three years. Moreover, to think that I love you." I stared at him with a look of hatred before adding, "I guess, that's pretty obvious now, right? Even if you always come to me by asking the same things, I'll still give the same answer, get it?"
He lowered his head, then replied softly, "Brother Lee, three years is quite long. If you don't love me, why do you let me stay with you?" There was sadness in his eyes and sobs in his throat as he said the words.
Hearing his nonsense, I paused for a moment before replying indifferently, "You keep nagging me to let you stay with me, don't you? Let's just say that I feel sorry all this time."
Like a guilty person who wanted to be right, that answer came out from the side of my idiotic self!
"Brother Lee…." A tear fell down the corner of his eye. His lips were slightly opened as if to say something, but all that was heard were sobs that seemed to buzz in the air. Then, without any response, he turned and hastily left this place while crying.
I looked at him in silence but didn't regret what I just said.
After he left, silence returned to inhabit this vast, empty room, where I stood alone with the echoes of thoughts that kept buzzing in my ears.
I suddenly felt a strange feeling in my chest. Lowering my gaze, I kept thinking about Sunyeon's question that made me cornered. That was a very unexpected question. I thought in my mind, "Till now, I don't know exactly why I let him stick with him for these three years."
I immediately slapped my face, confirming to myself that it was something insignificant!
Whatever my reason at that time, it was the stupidest thing that made me regret everything right now. After all, finding the reason wouldn't change anything for the better way like before.
***