Chapter 125 - Apologize (1)

That time, when I chose to leave, I promised myself that I would forget everything about him. No matter how painful and down I was while living my days to death, at least my soul was still able to endure it all. If I had to die miserably, being alone was still better than someone who had to cry for me.

However, humans were only good planners, while God, was the holder of destiny. First, God brought Daehyun and he made me learn to accept him, yet He seemed dissatisfied. At this time, He gave things that were even more difficult for me. Seeing Donghwa was beyond my power!

To be honest, I was angry and was about to curse about why God didn't want my plan? Why did God bring us back together?

But, I didn't deserve to complain about something that God planned. This scenario was complicated and God kept asking me to continue to act as a strong character.

Heh, yeah... strong character...

On the stage we called the world.

That's like bearing the sins of two people at once and you had to stand up as a solid figure.

How can I be grateful?

This is torturing me enough!

I sighed silently, trying to relax. Thinking about this was like finding a dead end!

"Chunghee ...."

Without realizing it, Donghwa's hand was wrapped around me from behind. I could also feel his warm breath touching my nape. His breath caressed my skin as if turning the memories of the past.

"Let's go home ...," he continued.

His deep voice seemed to pull my soul away from reverie, tearing it away by force.

"Chunghee, I am stupid, you know that, right? I know that I was wrong and I am sorry — I regret everything and I have suffered enough. If we are apart any longer, then I could die because I couldn't stand it." Donghwa kept talking as if he was the only one who was suffering right now. "I can't lose you again. I'm so lonely. Please, come home with me."

Hearing his words, a question crossed my mind, 'Then, what about me?'

"Chunghee, if you don't want to continue our relationship, I don't know how I would be without you. I don't know what will happen to me. I beg you to start it all over again. We can do it ... I beg of you ... I will obey everything you say." He paused for a moment, took a silent breath, and then continued, "I don't care if I have to try winning your heart once again — I don't care. As long as it's for the sake of our relationship, then it doesn't matter if I have to fight like I used to do again. bet, whatever it is so that I will always be with you."

However, as if I didn't hear anything, I ignored the words and fell silent. For me, those words weren't much different from the persuasion of the bastards out there ... wait ... heh, isn't Donghwa one of those bastards? He's good at flirting and expressing many sweet words, but it's poisonous.

I had taken a sip of poison by his words. Now, I was struggling desperately to recover myself.

"Chunghee, I beg you, please say something ..."

Sickened, I roughly removed his arms from my body. I turned around, glared at him without saying a word before I stepped into the bedroom.

I pulled the blanket, then laid down on the bed. Now, I wanted to fall asleep to convince myself that everything that had happened today was just a dream, and when I woke up later, Donghwa's figure was just an illusion. If necessary, I would be lucky to die when I close my eyes this time.

A few seconds later, Donghwa sat on the bedside, stroking my head with the gentleness of the hand I used to admire but now scared me. He said, "When you left me, I never felt my life was better. I think about you all the time and always dream about you every night. I drink a lot of alcohol, and almost every night, I become a drunk just so I can relax. But, still, it's useless .... "

"I'm restless because I always miss you, so I'll hug your pillow to ease my anxiety a little. I know it won't be enough, but the scent of your head on the pillow makes me feel like I'm kissing your head." He laughed hollowly, and added, "To be honest, I am very happy to meet you right now, but I don't know how to express my own feelings. I want to take you home, I want to hug you, I want you to always be with me ... I ... I ... heh, you know, I guess, I just couldn't live without you."

Hearing Donghwa's words that sounded earnest, I was reminded of the past. I had not completely discarded all the memories and left a faint trail on my head.

However, even so, what remained were only painful wounds. All the fond memories of the past years were erased by one betrayal.

After all, I couldn't run or return. In this context, it was Donghwa who had left the wounds without mercy, put me aside, and neglected my patience for so many years. I had suffered enough to hide my true feelings.

Without warning, Donghwa laid on my body. He spoke softly, "Chunghee, I remember, you once asked me: 'would you be okay if I left you?' Do you remember? Heh, ever since then, your question has always been in my head. Even if I laughed about it back then, my answer truly was. I can't ... I can't live alone ... this ... this really hurts ... I need you."

These words ...

After letting me down ... did he mean this? But, if not, why should he look for me, and even be willing to kneel like that?

I tightly closed my eyes, pushing my heart not to waver. I had swallowed a lot of sweet things from him and it all ended in tormenting bitterness, I wouldn't sacrifice my remaining feelings.

It wasn't my possessions and fine clothes that I wanted to take with me on the day of my death, but my feelings for him so that I could merge into peace.

I used to have a dream to die with him, but I didn't think it would ever come true. So, all I could do was took my feelings to him and died with them.

I couldn't carry him to die with me, so the purity of my feelings was the most precious thing I should carry in my peace.

Still in a lying position on my body, Donghwa could be heard sighing heavily. "Chunghee, talk to me, I beg you. Please, talk to me. I miss you, even your voice."

After hearing these words, I slowly opened my eyes. I pondered for a moment before finally voiced, almost whispered, "Donghwa, leave ...."

I turned my head slightly to see his face.

Hearing the order, he suddenly gasped in surprise, then got up from his position. In the silence, his pupils shrank and his pale face became tense. He shifted his position, then unexpectedly, he suddenly knelt and spoke in trembling voice, holding back the sobs he was trying to suppress.

"You're angry ... I'm sorry, I beg ... I beg you ...." Donghwa kept pleading, "Chunghee, I'm sorry. I won't get up if you don't agree to come back to me."

Seeing him do something like this, I was shocked and immediately got up from my position. His eyes started to tear up ... I haven't seen that expression in his eyes for a long time. The way Donghwa saw me now was something I always wanted but he never showed. I always hoped that he would look at me like this but what I saw lately, were eyes full of suspicion and outrage. He never showed love in his eyes as I struggled to stick with him.

However, not wanting to be carried away in the tenderness that once hurt me, I firmly said, "What are you doing? Leave now!"

"Chunghee, I want you to forgive me and come back to me ...." With the same gaze, he spoke deeply as if those words were the innermost voice of his heart.

Holding back tears to look strong, I reiterated, "I don't want to see you again ... leave ... Don't show your face again next time."

For a moment Donghwa was silent, the corners of his lips curved downward, then said, "Chunghee, how can you forgive me? I'll do anything."

"We break up. There's nothing to hold on to," I replied indifferently.

"No!" Donghwa yelled. "I don't want to break up! I don't want to break up with you! Please, don't say that. We can't break up. I don't want to!"

"It's useless. We break up. I don't need your consent. I don't care."

"Chunghee, don't, please. I can do anything, as long as you don't tell me to leave. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I've also sacrificed a lot of things to be able to meet you ... just say, what should I do? Or... Do you want to hit me? Hit me as much as you want .... Hit me if it will make you forgive me. I can— "

"Donghwa, enough!"