Chapter 127 - Expressing What I Should Express (1)

I shook my head weakly. "I'm tired. I'm tired of all our romance skits. Please, don't get me in again."

After a long silence, Donghwa finally began to persuade, "Chunghee, it was my fault. So, please give me one more chance to fix everything. I promise I will not repeat the same mistake once again."

"You've always been selfish. You never understood how I felt."

Finishing my words, I threw my hand away firmly, then looked away indifferently.

"Chunghee ...," Donghwa muttered.

He was silent for a while, looking at me in disbelief. He probably wondered why I behaved like this to him. But, isn't this how it should be? He should be grateful that no-one else would make him have to hide the affair, he could even share the keys to our apartment with his new lover now.

Then, no wind nor rain, suddenly he raised his hand and showed his fingers. There was a brightness on his face that looked pitiful. He then spoke with great enthusiasm. Maybe he's trying to change the subject.

"Chunghee, look, I've found my ring. I told you that I can't take it off on purpose. Didn't I promise you to keep putting it on?"

Hearing the words, I turned to him for a moment. I asked to make sure his words were the truth, "You remember that promise?"

Donghwa looked optimistic. He then took my hand and said, "Yes, yes, of course, how could I forget? I won't forget such an important thing."

Donghwa answered firmly. His words dumbfounded me at once. I stared at his face seem to glow in the gloom, then was stunned for a moment before returning to confirm, "So, all this time, you still remember all your promises back then?"

He nodded excitedly. "Of course I remember all of them ... do you think I've been forgetting my promises all this time?"

After hearing that answer, I looked closely at Donghwa. By his eyes, he didn't seem to be making it up. It was clearly etched on his serious face.

However, the words didn't make me delighted, on the contrary, made me unable to control the feelings that I had been holding back for a long time!

"Then, what about your promise of loyalty? You said you will never betray our relationship? But why ... Why are you breaking it?" Paused for a moment, I continued, "Actually, there are many things I want to ask you but, just one question you haven't given an answer for me! How could you want me to come back to you?!"

Finally, what had been buried in my feelings and that I kept hiding could come out easily, without having to fight anything else from within me.

Hearing about this, he was shocked, the brightness on his face dimmed. For a moment, he fell silent and slightly lowered his gaze. Then, a few seconds later, he lifted his eyes again; showing his eyes that had turned dark, as if a mistake had made him sink to the bottom of his deepest remorse. He took a deep breath before speaking, "Okay, Chunghee, I will say everything, and I can make sure that there will be nothing I hide from you again. I don't want to hide my fault with you anymore — it's my regret ...."

I turned my eyes sideways. Feelings of indifference made me say, "Heh, it's up to you. But, you better not have to say anything because none of that will fix this relationship anymore. So, if you don't want to waste your words, shut up and go away."

"Chunghee, please, listen to my explanation. I will say everything, and I will keep hoping for you."

The gentleness of his voice cut through the air. The word was sincere and in every word was seriousness.

However, as I was tired of all this, I remained silent without giving any response, pretending to be deaf so as not to hear anything from him.

He didn't want to listen to my words, he spoke, "His name is Cho Sunyeon. We are close, but I never think of him as a lover or mistress ... whatever it calls."

He's still reluctant to be blunt?

Feeling that Donghwa was just boasting, I gave him a slight glance and then snorted in annoyance. "You don't think of him as a lover? Then, what do you call about rolling on the bed? If it's a colleague, I should also be rolling on the bed with my colleagues too and telling you openly. How— "

As if he didn't want to hear anything from me, he interrupted before I could finish my sentence, "Chunghee, I mean it. I didn't lie to you. I never said 'love' to him — it's because I don't love him — you're the only one whom I have loved all this time. Over the years, you have been the only person who was so precious in my life. Nobody."

The words were the sweetest thing, but I was sick of being the only idiot in our relationship.

He explained, "He was just a prostitute at one of the bars. We met accidentally three years ago. And that's because he was always clinging to me. I never intended to be with him. However, out of that time, I was under a lot of work pressure. I got a lot of stress. There were many things that made me depressed. So, to relax my mind, I drank a lot of alcohol until finally, I got drunk. And ... without realizing it ... I did it that night ... with Sunyeon ... I'm sorry ...."

"But, I'm really sorry. Since then I just wanted to try him. I just intended to make fun of him. I didn't mean—"

"Oh. Then, what did you do after that? Are you addicted to making love with a young man like him so you rarely come home to see me, who even at that time was still your legitimate lover? Is it because you are tired of me because I never make you satisfied in bed?" I laughed hollowly, then continued, "As long as you're successful, you only think of me as a person who has to satisfy your lust every time you get tired after work? Then, have you ever thought that I, who worked all day, was tired too?"

"Chunghee, no. That's not—"

"I'm not the one who you can use when you're horny! Are the women in your office not enough for you?!" I said, interrupting Donghwa's words.

Donghwa looked surprised without a word.

Smiling coldly, I didn't want to stop expressing many insults for him, "Why? Do you think I don't know about those women too?! I just didn't want to bring it up because I could still accept that it might be your job demands or maybe you're just being persuaded by your colleagues' business. But, ever since you got to know that young man, I could feel how you changed towards me gradually. It's obvious now."

I paused for a moment, trying to relax before asking, "So, my question is, why did you rarely come home at that time? Over the past three years, I can count how many times you came home to me."

"...."

"Why? You can't answer it? You accuse me of having an affair out there but you have slept with other people and don't call it cheating? How does your brain work? If I want to cheat, I can do it for a long time. But, I'm not interested because you're the only one for me."

Donghwa clenched his jaw tightly. There was something he was trying to suppress, which looked like it was going to explode. And once he started to look like he could control himself, he took a deep breath before replying, "Do you remember the big fight we had three years ago? At that time, I already knew that young man. I was really mad at you at that time, so I came to him. I was waiting for you to call me but you didn't. And out of that, I ... I ... gave vent to him."

Hearing that explanation, I seemed to want to laugh at it off, but I couldn't. "What? Waiting for me to call you? For what? To persuade you to come home? After all, after you beat me up, drowned me in the bath, and raped me until my intestinal was injured, did I need to persuade the person who did that to come home?"

Donghwa looked tense, even his face had lost its color. He opened his mouth slightly and began to string the words, "I ... I don't ...."

However, just those two words disgusted me. Finally, I shouted, "Enough!"

Annoyed, I took a sharp glance at him. The more he revealed a confession, the more he made me suffer. Hearing everything, this pain was getting more and more painful, and stabbed my heart continuously.

He seemed not to want to listen to me, and said again, "Chunghee, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Now, I've left him. I didn't lie to you."

"What do you expect now? You think after you leave him, I want to come back to you?" I grinned coldly, showing how disgusted I was by his words. I scoffed, "In three years, actually, you had a lot of time to regret. But why didn't you do that? Is it because you thought that I didn't know about your affair so you felt proud that you managed to keep two men in a different place? Who exactly was your mistress all this time, me or him?"

Donghwa looked dumbfounded when he heard my words. How he couldn't? All of that was a reality that should have pierced his heart if he had a heart all this time indeed.