Chapter 154 - Lee Donghwa: Pain

After this conversation, we ate the food with little talk and felt very awkward with each other. This atmosphere made us feel like two people who didn't know each other yet but forced us to keep dating, even making the food taste bad too.

In the silence of us, Sunyeon finally spoke, "Brother Lee, may I put this watch in my hand now?"

I, who was about to eat the food stopped, glanced at him slightly, and replied in a low voice, "Sure."

Sunyeon smiled happily. He then immediately put the watch in his left hand while continuing to look at it with bright eyes. The watch was a little loose on his wrist, but he looked unconcerned and kept revealing an expression of joy.

He said again excitedly, "This watch must be very expensive. I saw it in one of the jewelry stores." He smiled at me, then continued, "You shouldn't have to give me such an expensive gift. You've already helped me pay my tuition and given me a place to live. That's more than enough."

I forced a smile. "It's different ...."

Saying this, I suddenly remembered something. I slowly put down the spoon, then lifted my gaze to Sunyeon, staring at him in silence.

Realizing that I was staring at him at the moment, Sunyeon frowned and asked in confusion, "What's wrong?"

I clenched my fists tightly, forcing myself to speak, "I'm ... I'm sorry ...."

Sunyeon didn't say anything, but his face still looked confused.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to say once again, "I'm sorry. I've always been taking my anger out on you. It might be too late to say this but I hope you forgive me."

Hearing me suddenly say this, Sunyeon lowered his gaze slightly as if he was thinking about something. He then smiled and replied, "Brother Lee, I forgive you. Don't think about it anymore."

I smiled, lowering my head. Hearing those words, I felt very happy when I knew that there was still someone willing to forgive me. If only Chunghee wanted to forgive me that easily, I wouldn't have to feel lonely all my life.

Suddenly Sunyeon shouted in the midst of our gap, "Brother Lee! You ... are you crying?"

With great shock, those words immediately made me realize that I was in tears right now. I quickly wiped my eyes while trying to smile. However, the more I pulled at the corners of my lips, the more tears flowed out of my eyes.

Sunyeon stood up from his chair, then hurried over to me. He hugged me to comfort me and said worriedly, "Brother Lee, it's okay. Don't think about it anymore. I've forgiven you."

I covered my eyes with my palms as I continued to sob. I should also feel ashamed for showing how crybaby I was, but right now I didn't care about anything like I was a person who had no shame other than pain.

After feeling more relaxed, I immediately stood up. Wiping my eyes and said with a bitter smile, "Take care of yourself while you are there, okay? Don't do any more dirty work. You're still young and have a bright future."

As soon as Sunyeon heard those words, he immediately hugged me tightly. "Brother Lee, I won't do that kind of work again. I promise!" Looking up at me, he said jokingly but the words had a deeper meaning, "But if you need a prostitute, feel free to contact me. I only serve you, not anyone else."

"Heh, you idiot," I said, patting his head, "I got to go now."

Sunyeon let go of his hands. Before I could take a step, Sunyeon stopped me by saying, "Brother Lee, will you take me to the airport?"

I was stunned for a moment before replying, "I can't."

Sunyeon's eyes started to tear up. "So this is our last meeting?"

"Yes," I answered lightly.

After saying that, Sunyeon didn't give any more response. So, with quick steps, I turned around and left this place immediately.

Sunyeon called my name a few times, but I ignored him and continued walked towards the car parked in front of his apartment, then immediately got in to cover the embarrassment on my face.

He had seen that weakness in me, and it was embarrassing to stay with him any longer in that place.

It was so embarrassing.

Kept staring out the window blankly, I didn't say anything. Hoonsik also refused to comment and continued to drive his car through the darkness very carefully. Until, after a long time, we arrived at my apartment.

I came in in a mess. Sitting on the bed, looking at the place where Chunghee once laid down, I spoke with a smile that showed painful pain, "Chunghee, I'm in so much pain. Everyone has left me. You promised me that you wouldn't leave me, but why did you do that? I explained everything, I also confessed everything, but why don't you have a little pity in your heart? I know you very well. You are a good man, but ... but ...."

The pain that suddenly tore through my heart made me stop talking and only the tears told me that I could no longer endure the pain that was getting heavier as my pulse was beating fast. It seemed to increase again and again in every shift of time.

I bent down, kissed his pillow and stroked him as I had done when Chunghee was with me, and said weakly, "You don't even want to see me anymore. You want me to disappear. That's so cruel."

"Let me ask you something. Do you really feel better with that?"

I smiled blankly. "I didn't really understand what you were saying at the time. Maybe it was because I was too shocked. But, if that's what you want, then I'll do that."

I laughed like a fool in this dimly lit room. Laughing at myself, and letting the bitterness tear me apart to the deepest point.

In the midst of grief, I remembered something. I immediately stood up, took my medicine on the table, then took Chunghee's medicine from the cupboard, and then went to my workroom.

I sat down at the computer, placed the medicines next to the keyboard, then pulled my phone out of my pocket.

I started calling someone.

"What? You still have the balls to call me after what you did at the press conference?" The voice sounded calm but had a fairly strong tone of intimidation.

"Yunhee, I'm sorry. I can't do it. I owe it to that family."

"Tch! This is our chance to take them down. But you messed things up."

I massaged the bridge of my nose, replying desperately, "I can't. After all, Kim and his father have helped me. I can't possibly forget that."

"Heh, disgusting. Someone like you still has a conscience too."

I couldn't help but smile when I heard him mock me.

"If that's all you want to say, I'll hang up."

Before Yunhee hung up the phone, I hurriedly said, "I have something better. You've also helped me a lot. So, I have a present for you. I'm sure, you will like it."

"What is that?" his voice was calmer.

"Hoonsik will give you tomorrow, so call him tomorrow."

"Heh, I hope it will really surprise me."

I smiled.

He was heard sighing heavily before saying, "Um, by the way, it's about Sunyeon ... you know, he's going to move to a different company in France. He whines at me and I have no choice."

I stared at the lit monitor, then replied in a languid tone, "I know. I just saw him." Sighing, I continued, "Chunghee doesn't want to come back to me and Sunyeon left me. Love is bullshit, isn't it?"

Yunhee immediately laughed as if he thought those words were ridiculous. He said sarcastically, "You made it that way, you idiot!" Paused for a moment, he said, "Never mind, I'm busy. I don't have time to hear such things from you."

Finishing his words, he hung up the phone.

I smiled bitterly as I opened some files on the computer, then clicked a folder called "Application Letter - 2004". There were many files and all of them reminded me of the bitter things that happened that year.

Name: Park Chunghee.

Age: 22 years old.

With other files, and it was mine.

Name: Lee Donghwa.

Age: 22 years old.

This was our first application letter. It was a tough day that day; walking only to find work in the hot summer. Enduring thirst, starving hunger, and a little money, all of which we passed with a smile of joy without a single complaint.

There was both happiness and pain that came at the same time as the memory flashed through my mind. And, as I didn't want to sink too deep into those past memories, I turned off the computer immediately, still with a bitter smile on my face.

Tears welled up and I screamed as loud as I could.

This feeling of hopelessness was really driving me crazy. Banging my head on the corner of the table, I wished that all those memories would be destroyed right now — no matter if I had to crush my head.

However, as soon as I saw a paper on the table, made my madness slowly subside. I reached for it, staring at it for a moment before I reached for a pen.

All this time, I kept my feelings to myself. Since I didn't know who to say it to. Surprisingly, I took the initiative to write a letter, hoping Chunghee would read it.

I had written a letter in a long time. As soon as I put it word by word in my writing, I felt nostalgic in our past story when I met Chunghee for the first time.

Chunghee, how are you?

***