Lunch had been delightful and was something that Qing Chen did not know that he missed. His grandmother was also there. She looked so much better than the last time that he had seen her.
When they were done eating, Qing Chen looked at Feng Xuan and she nodded knowingly. He needed the privacy with his family and she excused that she was making dessert in the kitchen.
Qing Chen knew that his father felt that something was wrong. They were already in the living room and the silence settled in the room. For a few seconds it was just the sound of waves that they could here.
"Chen," said Wuming. "You're not going to do this."
"I am," he answered his brother.
Qing Lok stayed quiet. He didn't want to get in between his two brothers on this.
Their father spoke. "Well, what are you two talking about?"
Qing Chen shifted his eyes to his father and Wuming groaned, putting a pillow above his head with his still casted arm. He already ditched the sling, insisting that he did not need it anymore.
Qing Zihao turned to his second son. "What is it, Chen? Don't make me ask again."
Qing Chen's lips twisted. It was bad enough that Wuming was not on his side on this. But to be the one to actually doubt their father. "We heard something from The Zookeeper."
"Yeah?"
Qing Chen saw his grandmother shifted on her seat and his eyes narrowed a little. She was uncomfortable. She knew what was coming. "He said something about our mother being alive."
His father was stunned into silence. Then a moment later, he burst in laughter—full laughter that he even slapped the armrests of his seat, jolly rocking it. "Do you hear yourself, Qing Chen?" Then the rest of his mood shifted and his eyes were storming with anger. "You saw your mother DEAD!"
Qing Chen saw that Qing Lok was trying to bury himself on the couch and he breathed out. "I know."
"Didn't you see her when they took her out of the house LIFELESS? You hugged her!" Qing Zihao stood up and pointed to his children in a grand swipe. "YOU ALL HUGGED HER! She was dead! She was not breathing!"
Qing Chen put his elbow on the armrest and massaged his temples. "I am not saying that she is alive. I am just telling you that The Zookeeper said that she is."
"AND YOU BELIEVE THAT IDIOT?!"
"I don't," Qing Chen said, looking his father straight in the eye. "You don't have to get so worked up about it."
His father breathed out. His shoulders were heaving. "Do not talk to me about your mother being alive." He shook his head. "I could not take it." He shook his head more. "I killed hundreds of people. I ended a family line to avenge her. The first man that you killed was the man that caused her death. Do you think that's fake?!"
Qing Chen stayed quiet, watching his father for a few beats. "No, it's not."
"Then why the hell did you even mention it?"
Qing Chen already got his answer. "I just wanted you to know. Maybe The Zookeeper was not the only person who believes that our mother is alive."
Qing Zihao only shook his head and sat back down. Feng Xuan came in, bringing a tray of a cool snack. The room brightened, as if the last few minutes did not really happen.
**
On the way home, Qing Chen stayed quiet in his seat. Everyone else was chattering and joking about The Zookeeper. Honestly, Feng Xuan did not want to get on with the jokes as she was also like Qing Chen. She wanted to believe that her mother was alive.
Wuming said, "Chen, you have to let it go. That man is not right in the head. Did you see how much you've offended our old man because of what you said?"
Qing Chen was gnawing at his thumb. "Sure," he answered, looking out the window. Feng Xuan bet that he did not really hear what Wuming just said.
"What about you, Lok?" Wuming asked and slapped his youngest brother's thigh. "Do you think mom's alive?"
Instead of answering, Qing Lok returned it with another question. "What would you do if mom's alive?"
"That's not going to happe—"
"WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF MOM'S ALIVE?" Qing Lok repeated the question slower and with emphasis.
Wuming gave it a thought, looking around the car as if he would find the answered lying there. In the end, he shrugged. "I don't know."
"Would you be happy?"
A normal child would've answered, 'of course' but Wuming gave another, "I don't know."
That seemed to anger Qing Lok. "What do you meant you don't know?!"
"I don't know if I am going to be happy with mom alive."
That caught Qing Chen's reaction. His eyes moved to Wuming's face. There was no uncertainty on it.
"I think I would get mad," Wuming said and he swallowed. "I'm sorry, Lok, but I would be mad at mom if she were alive now."
Qing Lok got quiet.
Wuming spoke again. "I would be mad because, if she were somewhere in the world right now, and that she willingly left us…" he shook his head like he didn't want to finish the sentence. "What kind of mom is she? She left for three boys. For what?"
"That we don't know," said Qing Chen. "Yet."
Wuming started to laugh, shaking his head even more like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're not going to find her, Chen. If you want her ashes are in the house."
"Father's lying."
"And what made you think that?"
"I don't think. I know," he said. "Well, not from father. But grandmother. She always shifts her position when she knows a lie was coming. And she did earlier. That's her tell."
Wuming shook his head. "Mother's dead."
"She. Is. Not."