Qing Lok wanted nothing else but to sleep for the night. He just felt like someone had carved out his entire chest and sewed him back empty on the inside. He locked himself up in his room and let the darkness consume him.
He planned to sleep. Tomorrow, he would feel better. He tried to get comfortable, wrapped himself up in his thick blanket, and shut his eyes.
Every thought that came to his mind, he imagined like he was pushing it out of existence until he could no longer see it. But despite his mind being empty. He could not sleep. Was it possible to really not think of anything?
He plugged his earphones and tried listening to peaceful music. But just as when he was being pulled by sleep, something in his chest jumped and stopped him from falling asleep by jolting him awake.
Qing Lok pulled the earphones as he sat up, cursing the headache that was starting at the top of his head. He checked the clock and found out that it was already way past midnight.
He stretched his neck and looked down at his pillows. No, he didn't want to try to fall asleep again and then wake up like his body refused to make him sleep.
He got dressed and splashed cold water on his face. He wrapped himself up in a huge hoodie and pants and a baseball cap. He got out of the house, sending a quick text message to Qing Chen that he was just going out for a drive.
It looked like his brother's room was empty too with the way the way the door was left open. His sister-in-law was nowhere to be found.
When he passed by room of his mother's altar, he found that it was already cleaned up.
Good, he thought. He didn't think he would like to see his mother's fake "remains". All this time, he had been trying to talk to his mother in that room and then he was just talking to nothing.
He didn't think he was one to believe that the dead could hear him. But he did talk to his mother anyway.
He may not want to sleep but he didn't want to be alone tonight so he thought about surprising his girlfriend. He was already at the front of her house when he dialed her number.
"I thought you went to sleep already?" she answered the phone with her usual cheeriness. "Can't sleep?"
"Yeah," he breathed out. "Want to go out?"
"What? Now?"
"Yeah, let's have something warm to drink. Are you up for it?"
Liu Meilien laughed from the other end of the line. "Around what time are you going to get here?"
"I'm already here. Just come as you are. And… bring something you can work on. I don't intend on taking you back until after breakfast."
"I'm wearing my pajamas, Lok!"
Qing Lok's lips smiled a little. "Why not?"
Less than five minutes later, Qing Lok already saw Liu Meilien's figure getting out of the gate. She was wearing a light yellow pair of silk pajamas and on her hand was a bag.
She crossed the street and got in, her smile a bright thing in the darkness. She leaned over and pressed three separate kisses on Qing Lok's lips, which he took gratefully.
"Why do you look like that?" she asked his dazed expression, lifting his cap.
Qing Lok pulled it down again. "Nothing, I'm just really happy to see you."
Liu Meilien's smile got wider. "So where are we going? Midnight snack date?"
"We're always on a date," he said, unable to resist pulling her and kissing her more.
"Or we could stay here in the car," she whispered against his lips. "Or get somewhere comfortable."
Qing Lok chuckled. "I can't. At least not yet."
"What do you mean?" she asked when he pulled away and started to drive.
"I have things to do first, we'll get something in our stomachs and then we'll do what you want, okay?"
Liu Meilien inched closer to him and hugged his right arm. "I want to stay with you."
"If I asked you to move in with me, are you going to come?"
Liu Meilien froze slightly at the question. "Where are we going to live?"
"We have a few properties. I'll just ask for keys and we can move." Qing Lok noticed that she suddenly grew quiet. "Haven't you talked to your mother yet?"
Liu Meilien took her hands off him and got back to her seat. She hated talking about her mother nowadays. "I don't think I'm going to talk to her again."
Qing Lok took a glance at her. "Are you sure about that? Isn't it about time that the two of you talk? It's been months."
Liu Meilien crossed her arms over her chest. "She was the one who needed to apologize. So not unless she talks to me and says sorry, I am not going to speak to her."
Qing Lok opened his mouth but Liu Meilien beat him to say something else.
"I'm not going to apologize to her. She had always been toxic. We were together everyday and almost every hour but we were never close. We always just argue about the next thing I was supposed to do. She wants to control me, Lok. But I don't want that anymore. I am fine on my own."
"Of course you are," he said. "You have a stable job already. You can actually move out of the house. You certainly can afford a space of your own now."
Liu Meilien turned her eyes to the window. "I was already thinking about it." She sighed and turned back to Qing Lok. "You agree with me, right?"
"Yes," he said. The elders might not believe this but he did. He believed that it was okay to cut off toxic family members.
Just then, he thought about letting go of his own mother.