Chapter 408 - If I Could...

Feng Xuan did not know where to start. She did not want to admit to herself that The Zookeeper's words were keeping her up for some nights. She didn't want to be that weak. But she had to know.

"What do you know about my mother's death?" she asked her father.

"What?" he asked back. "Didn't we get this over with already?"

"Yes. I know, but there might be something else that you know that I don't."

Feng Lizhao humored her and recollected the events of the night. Feng Xuan sat there, listening to every word that was coming out of her father's lips. She realized, this was the first time that she was hearing the story from his own words. When her memories resurfaced, she never bothered to ask him how accurate they were.

But when he finished, his story made sense with the version that was in her mind. They were kidnapped and was kept in separate buildings. They had trouble finding them. By the time that her father got to them, half of the men on the enemy's side were already on the ground. And her mother was dead.

Her father was not there in the majority of the events. She was the only one there. With a damning feeling, she became aware that she was the only one alive who had been in that room when her mother died. The Zookeeper was dead. The Zookeeper's brother was dead. Her mother was dead. She was the only survivor. Now she had no one else to ask questions to but herself.

"Does that answer any of your questions?" Feng Lizhao asked.

Feng Xuan could only blink at her father.

"Why don't you just ask what is it that you're curious about?"

Feng Xuan licked her lips. "Is there a secret that she was keeping?"

Feng Lizhao pulled his gaze away from her, looking up at the ceiling as if the answers would magically appear on them. "Your mother… I don't think she ever kept anything. She was a very social person."

Her fingers curled in frustration. It was true. Her mother was the kind of person who did not keep secrets. She was the kind of woman who always spoke her mind. She was a traditional high nose at some point. She did everything by the book and the rules of the upper society.

So what secret could that be?

"Why are you asking questions about her?" Feng Lizhao asked his daughter. 

"It's ridiculous."

"Tell me."

"The Zookeeper, before he died, told me that my mother is still alive."

"You were there. You saw her dead—"

"So was Qing Chen and his brothers. Their mother was lifeless. Like me, they held her in their arms. She was not breathing. Her heart was not beating. But she's still alive now." She flicked her eyes to her father, wishing that there was something that could give him away. "Is there something that you want to tell me?"

After staring at her for so long, her father's shoulders shrugged and his eyes glistened with tears. "I know you miss her, Xuan," he said in a broken voice and Feng Xuan was suddenly wishing she had never put her father in this situation. "I miss her too. Terribly. Everyday I wake up and wish that she was still alive."

Feng Xuan looked away as her chest took the punch. How dare she asked these questions? Her father was in pain when her mother passed away. There was no mistake with the way he cried about her. 

"I am sorry, Xuan," he said, his voice laced with sorrow. "If I could, I would trade my life for hers."

A tear rolled down Feng Xuan's eye and she quickly wiped it away. She leaned on the table and held her father's hands. "No, don't you say that," she said, her voice getting thick. "I'm happy that you're still with me."

"I know you need her. She would have been a better parent than I am, child."

"You did well, Father," she pulled a tight smile on her face. "I'm sorry for asking. It's my fault for letting a dead man get into my head. He's just probably trying to get on my nerves."

Her father neither nodded his head nor agreed. "You have more important matters to think about. Let the past go, my daughter. It will do us no good."

Her mind drew the conclusion on its own. Whatever that secret was, her father did not know anything about it.

===

If her father did not know then possibly… nobody else knew. It was possible that she just found out about it while she was being held captive.

But where?

Where was she supposed to start?

There was nowhere else to look into aside from her own mind.

It was not the most reliable thing. It had lied to her once to protect her. It was possible that it could lie to her again.

Was there something wrong with her mind? Should she try getting therapy? Will science be able to help her this time? Maybe she should get herself checked.

Feng Xuan just let the water drop down on her head. It had long gone cold and she was hugging her knees to her chest. She did not know how long she was in there.

The door to the bathroom opened. "Hey, would you like some dinner?"Find authorized novels in , faster updates, better experience, Please click <a href="#&apos;s-rose-married-the-ceo_15939261805465305/if-i-could..._52182058507752755">#&apos;s-rose-married-the-ceo_15939261805465305/if-i-could..._52182058507752755</a> for visiting.

It was Qing Chen, of course.

"Right," she said, still trying to find her way back to her senses. "I haven't made dinner—"

"We'll just order in."

Feng Xuan did not answer.

"You've been there for an hour, wife," he said, his voice was filled with concern.

"How'd you know?"

"I've been home for an hour. I don't know if how long you've been there."

She blinked the water out of her eyes and finally stood up. "I'll be down in a minute."

She washed herself again, thinking that she was trapped in her own mind.