Chapter 423 - Horrible Monster or Just A Monster

While Feng Xuan was in the shower on her day-off, she was contemplating. She was alone in the house. Qing Chen had long went to the office and she finished her breakfast which consisted of a bowl of cereal with banana slices.

Qing Chen might be subtle with his suggestions, but she already got the message. He wanted for her to try and get a grasp of the things that was happening to her. He wanted for her to know about this insatiable feeling that was burning her from the inside.

Should she try it?

But how?

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She had been working very hard in ignoring her feelings about it. That paintball afternoon with Wuming really helped. She might be needing another dose of it soon but it was an easy-fix at the moment. It was like a drug that helps her calm down.

She might not know about addiction, but she was sure that if she continued her pace, the next thing that she would know she was snowballing, looking for adrenaline rush everyday.

Should she just get to the bottom of it?

Nip it from the bud?

So far, that was the most reasonable thing in her mind. If she tried it and found that she didn't like it, then it would be all over. But then again, what if she liked it? That would be a bigger problem for her.

Feng Xuan got dressed and grab the keys to her car. She drove around and around the city with no exact place to go. Being on the road helped her mind quiet, but when she reached the less busy streets, her thoughts came knocking once again.

She figured that she should stop for lunch and grabbed a bite in a Greek restaurant. She took her sweet time eating, relishing the ambiance, and trying to name the ingredients of every dish that went in her mouth with her mind.

She got back in the car thinking that she was already going home but she drove on and on. She already stopped for gas when she finally hit the breaks on a small bar. The look of it was not very appealing. The sign on the front advertised cheap drinks and groups of people were smoking under the red neon light curved to make a logo.

Contrary to what she expected, it was fairly peaceful inside the bar. She figured that it would be one of those places wherein the youth flooded and they drink until their hearts were contented. There was a lone singer on the small podium. Fairly good voice, she commented in her mind. The rest of the people were engaged in intimate conversations in the smaller tables then booths.

She ordered a glass of whiskey which raised the eyebrows of the huge man behind the counter. She didn't look his way again until the golden liquid was served in a squat glass.

"Hello there," said a smooth voice from beside her. The woman was leaning against the counter with her elbows. "I didn't think I'd find you here."

Feng Xuan raised the glass to her lips. "I didn't think you'd find me."

"No," Ma Min chuckled. "You found me."

"I wasn't trying to." She took another sip and the burn on her throat wasn't as strong as she expected. The bottle probably had been watered down.

"You wanted me to find you. And here I am." Ma Min turned and bumped her shoulders against Feng Xuan's. "What are your plans tonight?"

"I didn't want you to find me," Feng Xuan continued to deny.

"But you want to find me, right?"

That she could not declare untrue. "I didn't know where to find you. But… you're my stalker so I guessed that you would be able to find me. You got here pretty quick."

"Oh, I don't think you realized but you're pretty close to headquarters. Auntie's House is just three blocks away."

"Ah, is that so?" she said, unimpressed. She finished her glass and quickly waved to the bartender for another one.

"Looks like I'm driving tonight."

Feng Xuan did not know what she was doing there. It was true that she was trying to find Ma Min. But why? Was she really trying to get herself in trouble? Or was she wanting peace?

Whichever way this night would go, she would have to accept what the answer would be. It was either she was a horrible monster or—well, she was not exactly a saint. A horrible monster or just a monster.

"Has your curiosity finally got the best of you?" Ma Min teased. "Are you finally ready to know some secrets?"

She shook her head as her new drink arrived. "I don't want to know any secrets. I am not interested."

Ma Min pouted, disappointed. "Alright then. What do you want from me?"

"I want answers." She downed her drink in one gulp. If she was going to be doing this, she needed to be a little intoxicated to be able to do what she had to. "I want to know if I am really made for this. If there is something that will quench this… this feeling—or whatever this is."

Ma Min smiled understandably, and underneath that, there was a hint of pity. "Oh, Xuan," she said and combed her fingers through Feng Xuan's luscious locks. "You don't need to suffer. You just have to let it out then you'll know. It's not so hard. Some people are made for this line of work. Some are not. That's just it."

Feng Xuan was suddenly conflicted. She didn't want to be one of the people who were made for that kind of job, yet she could not help but feel disappointed if she found out that she was not.

"We'll know tonight," Feng Xuan said and took another drink. She fumbled with her wallet and slapped a bill on the counter. She turned to Ma Min and tossed her the keys. "You're driving."