Chapter 62 - How Her Life Was

(From Leandro's Perspective)

She blushed hearing my words and looked away. But I knew that the things I said were nothing but truth. She had already admitted that she liked me and I had to admit that it was pretty brave. 

We remained quiet for a long time. I knew she was thinking about where to start. I gave her time. It was her life that she was going to tell me about, so she needed to be as comfortable as possible. 

"You won't laugh," she muttered. 

"I already told you that I won't."

"You won't..."

"I know. I won't pity you," I said, cutting her off. 

She nodded and looked straight into the clear water of the lake as if she was looking for something to hold onto to start. 

"Well, you know, I have never seen my dad in my life. Mom thinks that I look like Dad, so she never truly cared for me, kind of because of her grudge against Dad as he left her. She used to leave me with that sixteen years old babysitter all the time since I was three months. Mom used to go to the nightclubs a lot. She met Owen there and then things got disgusting between them, you know what I mean. Mom got pregnant and then Owen moved in with us. Linda was born, the perfect pretty girl that my family needed. I have to admit that she knows how to behave with people. I just talk my mind out. Anyway, so Owen never liked me as well. I don't expect him to as well. If Mom doesn't like me, how can I expect her boyfriend and their daughter to like me? And besides, I'm not someone anyone would want to like. I mean, there needs to be a reason to like someone. I hate almost everyone. They are all mean. So, I don't behave well with them as well. That's why they don't like me."

She did not for once stop as she told me all this as if she had those words prepared in her mind a long time ago. 

"I don't know what happened between Mom and Dad. She never told me anything about Dad. I asked her sometimes, but she didn't tell me. She would get angry at the mere mention of him. So, I stopped asking her about Dad. There's no point, you know, to touch the burning coal. But I heard her talking to her friend about Dad. She said that I look a lot like him and even just looking at me reminds her of Dad and she can't help but get mad at me. It's irrational, totally childish. She even said that she and Dad made out for one night only and stayed together in a hotel. But then Dad left after doing that thing. After some days, Mom found out that she was pregnant. I think it's kind of like a one-night stand. I don't understand why these two didn't use protection. Honestly, are they stupid or what? I wouldn't have to be born if they were careful. I think it's both of theirs' fault. Besides, if Mom was so upset with having me, then why didn't she go for an abortion? You know what it is? It's pregnancy termination by removal or expulsion of an embryo or fetus. I don't think it's good to have a kid if you can't take care of it. It makes both of their lives harder. Or she could just give me away for adoption. Anyway, she was stupid and now I have to bear the consequences. Whatever, so then after Linda was born, she became the center of attention at home."

"At school, the situation was weird. You know, in every school, there's this group of mean people who like to push people, harass them for no reason at all. Linda was always part of them since first grade. But she is a horrible student I have to say. I mean, honestly, how can a person stay all day without studying for a bit? I wasn't the first girl, but I was kind of known for my grades. I mean, I never missed an A. I'm kind of proud of it, you know. Anyway, so one day in the second grade, Linda and two girls intentionally pushed me. I fell in the corridor in front of everyone. I know I was a bit too harsh and violent, but they deserved it."

"What did you do?"

"I... Well, I broke Linda's hand, smacked her two friends. I was almost expelled, but it was worth it. No one tried to touch me again. Mom and Owen scolded me a lot though and punished me, but I don't care. This is how life was. You know, Mom and Owen used to lock me up in the basement since I was six if I made a mistake. They knew I used to fear dark a lot. That's the main reason they did it. It was hard to stay all night in that dark with the noises of rats running. I used to cry all night and ask for help, but they never opened the door before morning. It went for four years. Then I got adapted to the darkness, I made friends with it. It even went up to the point when I no longer feared darkness and even would make a mistake just to spend the night in the basement cause it's peaceful. I felt at home there. It was like I belonged there. And you know, black is my favorite color for this reason as well. I just feel like it's the real me when I'm in darkness. And black represents my friend darkness. After four years, when they saw that I was no longer affected by it, they stopped sending me there. And you know, from that time, they could not deal with me as well. Perhaps because of the words I spit out at a time to time. Anyway, so this was life, you know. No fun at all."

"I have this one friend Zoe in high school. She is a good person, so I thought that it would be good to make her my friend. Anyway, she is bullied in school. She doesn't stand up to herself, you know. She is too kind. She thinks that the bullies would understand that they are wrong after a while. But can't she see it? It's real life and in real life, things don't go so smoothly. I told her that these gits will never understand, but her kind heart... Honestly, kind people can be blind. Well, I'm a bit kind too, but I'm not blind at least. Right? Anyway, so I bit people up if they try to bully Zoe. They kind of fear me, you know. It doesn't feel so good, but if that's what it takes to stay safe, then I don't mind it. So, you know, one day in a narrow alley, there were two boys, waiting for me and Zoe because I insulted their friend saying that he had too little legs to walk with me. I know, it was rude. But he is not a good person. I could not think of anything else to say, so I said this. It's weird, I understand. So the boys wanted to make me apologize. Huh! Apologize, my foot! I got into a fight with them. Zoe was screaming for no reason. They could not do many things as I was throwing my hands and legs a lot. They got injured the most. I just got a bruise on my left arm. But it was fun, you know, to fight. Anyway, I told you that my life was boring. Now you have to hear everything now that I started."

She told me all about what she did in school, how her family treated her, how she managed to save her friend from getting bullied. The way she was talking was like it was not a big deal at all. But did she know how she exactly was? She was different, different than anyone else. I did not ask her anything when she was talking. I wanted her to be free in what she was doing. 

"You haven't told me anything about your romantic relationships," I said, not being able to resist this anymore. 

"How can I tell you? I don't have any. I mean, I never had any," she replied.

"What do you mean?"

"I never had any boyfriend, Leandro."