Chapter 66

Chapter 66

I did not reply.

Instead, I just lifted the Arfie and held it tightly in my arms even though I knew that doing so could fuel Cassius’ jealousy and lead to worse results.

Cassius murmured in a tone as if he thought it was absurd.

“Ha. I was wondering why you asked for a dog toy all of a sudden… It must’ve been because of this.”

Obviously, I could see that he did not like Arfie in the slightest. Still, I could not even protest him. If something was wrong and Arfie got hurt by something, how am I going to treat it on this island where there is no veterinarian?

“…You said you wouldn’t touch the things I cherish?”

“Yes, Evelyn.”

Amazingly, Cassius seemed more excited about the fact that I had finally opened my mouth than what I had said.

“This dog is one of them.”

“Didn’t you pick it up here?”

“What does that have to do with anything? If you kill or injure this puppy, I will stab you, too.”

“It’s also a tempting proposition to get/be stabbed by you, but… I’ll do whatever you want.”

His gentle whisper made me speechless. Even though I already knew it, I did not expect him to be this bad… I should have known this much. To be honest, it was just that I had been in denial all this time.

I let out a sigh.

“Well, I’m taking care of him. I’m sure you’re not going to break your promise.”

“Unlike you, I keep my promises very well, Evelyn.”

Although his voice was soft, I could feel hidden meanings in his words.

“Still, I’m glad I found something you cherish on this island. I thought she might like Kitty, but you found something you like more.”

“…Kitty?”

“She’s your personal handmaiden. It must’ve been quite bothersome since you didn’t even know her name. Shall I bring someone else?”

“N-no. I like her. It’s just that I’ve been feeling restless lately… I didn’t think to ask for her name. Thank you for letting me know.”

I stuttered hurriedly, not really because I liked Kitty. It was because Cassius was generous with the things I cared about, though there was no blood or tears for the things I do not like.

“I’ve hurt your heart.”

“Can you really say that?”

“I’m sorry.”

Cassius’ voice was not dull. It seemed like he was genuinely sorry for me, but what was the point if he was not going to let me out of here after reflecting on that?

I sighed and opened my mouth.

“I know.”

“Well, will you forgive me?”

“No?”

I took a step back from him. Meanwhile, Arfie started barking in my arms.

“I can’t forgive you until you let me go.”

If he releases me now, it could all be treated as common happenings. No… I would live my life blaming my foolishness for being caught and thanking Cassius for letting me go generously. Of course, he had no intention of showing such mercy to me.

“Then, you don’t have to forgive me.”

“….”

“I’m satisfied with just having you by my side.”

Saying so, the darkened golden eyes stared at me.

“…What about my happiness?”

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I barely managed to utter those words.

It always felt like I was bumping into a wall when I had conversations like this with Cassius. No, that was not enough. It feels like you are constantly sinking into deep water that has no depth… However, in the end, I had to struggle even if I ended up drowning, so I tried to talk to him.

“I can’t be satisfied. At that time, you might be content with just me being by your side, but I…”

“Evelyn.”

Cassius interrupted me.

“Do you think I’m satisfied with just that?”

“Didn’t you say you were satisfied?”

“…Do you think I was like that from the beginning?”

Now, Cassius was spitting out his words hoarsely. He continued, “Do you think that from the beginning,I was content to keep you by my side, to this little piece of land?”

“….”

I could not say anything because he was right. Yes, he would not be satisfied with just that. After all, he was a man who would destroy both the inside and the outside of a person to make them submit to him. Nevertheless, he did not do that to me because…

“Please, know that I’m only staying at this point because I love you.”

…It must be because of love.

But, that fact did not affect my feelings in any way. He has restrained my freedom, taken my sister hostage, threatened me, and dragged me from my new job against my will.

“So?”

Even though I knew it was best to stay still, I could not stand it.

Yes, this was love for him. It must have been decided by his love for me so desperately that he did not chain my feet, let a guard follow me wherever I went, or come to me every night… It must be love that locked me up on this uninhabited island.

Still, does that mean I have to forgive him? Furthermore, should I give in to his love?

“Lord. Whatever you do, I can’t love you, so…”

I gazed straight at Cassius Brudenell.

Arfie, who was quietly in my arms, gave me strange courage. When I found out I was trapped on a deserted island, I almost threw everything away. I gave up on everything and tried to live, thinking that this life was the life I wanted from the beginning… Nowhere else, within the grasp of Cassius.

Although holding the Arfie, it seemed to make sense somehow.

…The fact that such a life was not a proper life.

The fact that the life I wanted was a life in which I can decide and act according to my will, like I had rescued Arfie from the sea.

“Let me go.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

I put Arfie down. This was a matter between me and Cassius Brudenell. It was not something to be comforted by other beings.

“If you love me, show it more. Because of your love… Even when you see me in pain, can’t you think of anything?”

“Evelyn.”

“Then, please don’t love me.”

I spat each word out of my mouth as if crushing it. All of this was something I should have told him a long time ago. It had only been this late because of my ease.

I lowered my eyes in anticipation of Cassius’ wrath before suddenly glancing up at his face.

‘….!’

His face was not filled with anger but with remorse. Very slowly, an answer to my words came out of his mouth.

“I’d love to, Evelyn.”

“….”

“I really want to stop loving you, but I don’t know how to stop. It’s really…”

I took a breath.

It was the first time I had heard such an intimate confession from Cassius.

“I would’ve been happier if I hadn’t loved you. I didn’t know until I met you… I’ve been the world’s most fortunate person in the world who could get anything I wanted.”

“….”

“But that, too, is a thing of the past. Evelyn, nothing related to you could easily be obtained… Your heart, your body, your will…”

After breaking the distance that he had been maintaining, Cassius slowly approached me. Even though Arfie barked, he did not care.

At that moment, I suddenly realized It was Cassius Brudenell who did not give a single glance to the little things that would die in one swing of his sword. If so, what about me…?

“I know this love is going to drive me to ruin, though I don’t know how to stop it.”

“…I’ll help. So, please—”

“I can’t think of myself anymore when I didn’t love you.”

I tried to step back, but my legs would not move as if they were nailed to the ground. At the same time, my head was spinning round and round. There was a difference between thinking that I had vaguely understood Cassius’ feelings and hearing it directly like this.

“Don’t look at me like that, Evelyn. I… Do you think you didn’t try? Do you know that I wanted to love a woman like you?”

“Lord, I was so upset…”

He did not stop.

It felt like the dam in his heart, which he had accumulated one by one, had burst and a huge splash of water struck me.

“Like you, who runs away whenever you can… If I could get my heart back, I don’t want a woman like you to exist and have my heart in the first place.”