62 Helpless

I ran back all the way to the wall behind me. He stepped into the restroom, and stopped a few meters in front of the corpse on the floor. He leaned down and put the knife down.

"You dropped this in the hallway on your way here." he said. I didn't say anything to him. I was trying to make sense of what he was trying to do.

He looked at me and saw me standing there, hesitantly wanting to approach the knife. He stepped away from the knife, watching me carefully. After a while, he averted his eyes and looked at the corpse on the ground. "I hope you will forgive me." he said to the lifeless body.

"I will never." I said in an angry tone.

"Look." he looked back at me and started talking. "I don't know what I can do to convince you that this was the only way out of the situation. I understand that you disagree with my methods, but I have no intentions to be hostile to you. We are the only living beings here that hold all the uncovered secrets of this building over years. You are a most precious part of the alliance we can never afford to lose."

"Shut up already." I said. "There is no alliance. There never was." I slowly started walking towards him. He kept standing where he was.

"Okay, listen... " he said and sighed. "If one of us has to die, it shall be me. I'm old, weak; and my time is running out. I have been working here for decades for the protection of people, but I can't keep this up for much longer. So, if your plan requires my death, go ahead. If we don't work together, I can't do anything by myself anymore, but you can."

I carefully kept approaching him and stopped when I came in front of the knife on the ground. I leaned down, keeping an eye on Mr. Kenan, and picked the knife up. Mr. Kenan still didn't move the slightest.

"But, before you make a choice, please mind that there are people watching over us." he said.

I've almost forgotten about that, again... In this moment of tension, we were definitely being watched by The Community. If I attacked Mr. Kenan now, they would intervene again. This was probably why Mr. Kenan was so calm. I couldn't risk having put in a disadvantage if we got into a fight. I had to stand back.

I thought about it for a moment and put the knife away. For now, I was not going to be hostile. But still, I couldn't hold my thoughts back.

"I will never trust you ever again." I told him.

"I know you won't." he replied. "I know..." he repeated a few times.

I walked towards the body of my student. I wanted to pick her up and carry her out of the building, but Mr. Kenan interrupted.

"Leave her there." he said.

"What will we do about her?" I asked, pointing at the body. We couldn't just leave it laying there.

"I will handle it myself, don't worry." he said. "You should go. It has been a long day. You've been through a lot, but I envy you. You've managed to accomplish the hardest task among all of us. That will be it for today."

"No." I told him. "She is my student, I have to be here! Besides, her parents-"

"Her parents and the people that knew her will be okay." the sound was coming from the intercom.

"For some reason, that didn't make me feel any better about it." I said loudly. "And how will it be okay? How will anyone be able to explain a missing student?"

"If it was some other time, you would be running away from this place without even looking back. Did you suddenly start liking this place or what?" the voice replied. She probably wasn't happy about me being so curious about the 'cleaning-up' process. "And... what missing student?" she added.

"What do you mean 'what missing student'!?" I yelled. "Oh, don't tell me. Do you really-"

"Please... Please stop. Please stop it and go home, I beg you." said Mr. Kenan. "Take your knife and go. It will be better for you if you don't know all the details. It will only bring you pain."

I glanced at him and walked out of the restroom.

"You will not touch my students ever again." I said as I walked away.

- - -

It was past midnight when I finally got in the bed. I rolled over left and right... I couldn't sleep. How could I sleep? I couldn't stop thinking about her... My lovely student. How could I let this happen to her? How did I guide her into her death chamber myself?

The pain of loss and guilt was hurting me deep inside. I could still hear her cheerful voice echoing in my mind... Tomorrow, as I come in front of the door of her classroom, she wouldn't suddenly appear next to me anymore.

Thinking about all these, tears were forming in my eyes. I was crying in my room, silently.

With no doubt, my students were the most valuable beings in my life. I couldn't let this happen again, yet... I was powerless. I was helpless, alone... I knew that being depressed and mourning for the losses wouldn't help me. I knew that I had to let go of the past and start making plans for the future. I knew all of that, but I couldn't help it.

For that moment, I only wanted to sleep. I had to get rid of my thoughts.

I rolled in the bed to my right side once more, trying to get physical comfort.

Suddenly, my dark room got brighter. My phone's screen lit up. Someone was calling me.

"It's way past midnight." I murmured in frusturation. "Who could it be?"

I got out of my bed and started walking across my room to pick the phone up. With the blinding brightness of the phone in the dark, I squeezed my eyes and kept walking towards the light. I picked the phone up from the small table. I couldn't read anything on the screen, but I could barely locate the green button to answer the call.

"Hello." I said in a broken, sleepy voice.

There was no answer, but a lot of white noise on the phone.

"Hello? Who am I talking to?" I asked a few times.

"T-teacher?"