Chapter 131 - Die with Everlasting Regret

The pavilion was not as good as a real house. After the thick snow and the straw on the top were taken away, the cloth beneath the ragged reed mat was shown.

“Hurry!” Pei Yourui’s hair was disheveled and scattered. Her Ruyi hairpins on the bun were gone, her fur was thrown away on the ground nearby, her wrist became purple in the air due to the cold winter wind and her slim and tender fingers were stained with blood for digging the frozen snow packs.

However, she had no time to care about that. At the moment, she was only staring at the familiar cloth and urged loudly, “Hurry! Dig faster!”

Looking at their young lady pull off a bundle of straw, the servants hastily moved faster.

After a while, the rafter and eave purlins of the pavilion top were tied with the spare ropes to several horses. As the leading guard commanded, the horses were whipped and thus ran forward, dragging the pavilion top up. The left straws, reed mat and snow mixed with bits of wood dropped on the ground, which stirred up a cloud of mist with snow instantly!

Before the pavilion top was completely off the ground, Pei Yourui had rushed into the pavilion!

“Dad! Dad! Are you okay?” Amidst the snow with the dust, with her eyesight blocked, she found Pei He based on her memory, trying to touch her father’s face. Yet, what she reached was a small body. The little beggar seemed to sense her fear and then exerted all his strength to say, “Master’s head is fine!”

He held Pei He’s head at the last minute, blocking the collapsed pavilion top with his own body.

As he moved away, Pei Yourui saw her father’s undamaged face. Although his eyes were closed, he was still breathing. Excited beyond description, Pei Yourui put her clenched fists at her lips and bit them heavily before sobbing. “Good boy. Please take him away and see if he is okay.”

Then she hastily flipped away the straws and snow by the cheeks of Pei He, saying prudently, “Dad, hang in there. We will get you out soon!”

“No need…” Pei He suddenly opened his eyes and looked at his daughter sentimentally, sighing slightly, “My dear daughter, call the old seniors over here. I—I can’t hold on much longer!”

Pei Yourui was taken aback to look down along her father’s eyesight. Now Pei He was mostly covered in straw and snow. The red blood was rather eye-catching among the yellow straw and white snow.

The straw that she just grabbed suddenly dropped over her body!

After freezing for a while, Pei Yourui reached out her hands tremblingly. She wanted to touch and look at him but not to do so on second thought, making the servants feel that something must be wrong. Several strong servants hurried to dash forward and cleared away the straw and snow. Then they were all startled to see clearly an icicle as thick as an arm piercing through Pei He’s left chest!

“Pull it out!” Pei Yourui suddenly withdrew her hands to cover her mouth. She burst into tears, which were frozen into ice instead of dripping on her clothes as the wind went by.

She put down her hands soon and waved in the air. Then she scratched her hair, leaving her hair fully scattered. As such, with her face mostly covered, she looked so pitiful. After being at a loss temporarily, she finally came to her senses and screamed in pain. She went forward, rolling and crawling to pull out the icicle, “Where is the doctor? Get me a doctor! Hurry!”

“Your Ladyship, you can’t pull it out!” Chief House Steward Pei stepped forward and stopped her sobbingly, saying in a low voice, “His Lordship is too seriously injured. If the icicle is pulled out now, I’m afraid His Lordship will…”

He didn’t finish his sentence but the unspoken words were well known.

Pei Yourui only felt as if being thunderstruck. After a temporary muddle, she wanted to say something but despair choked her words no matter how hard she tried!

“Put the straw on so that I can feel warmer.” Amidst speaking, Pei He had blood dripping from his mouth and nose. However, his face was extremely red and his eyes appeared as clear as a child’s. Obviously, it was his unexpected return of mental clarity shortly before death, “All of you have watched my daughter grow up. I will die soon. My daughter must…”

Realizing that Pei He was saying the last words, Chief House Steward Pei wiped out his tears and knelt down beside Pei Yourui. He gave a heavy kowtow and said sorrowfully, “I will protect Her Ladyship well!”

“I have four sons and only one daughter.” Pei He grabbed his wrist and held back vomiting blood, saying with great effort, “My four sons have their own families and children. Over the past years, I’ve taught them literature, helped them marry a suitable wife, assisted them in scheming for power and guided them how to behave well. I believe that for them, I’ve fulfilled the duties as a father. However, my daughter, the youngest child of mine, who always serves me around, I fail to arrange a proper marriage for her!”

He couldn’t help reminiscing about the happy hours he spent with his daughter in her childhood. In her infancy she was such a cute baby; when she grew older, she became cherubic and lovely; at the age of 13, she was innocent and bashful; yet, she turned sentimental by the time when it was time for her to get married. Throughout the years, this toddler just turned into a gentle and graceful young woman.

As years and months slipped by, he grew old and yet his daughter flourished.

Over the past 16 years, he and his daughter kept each other company. With countless joyful memories flashing across his mind, he recollected what happened a few months ago. His graceful and sensible daughter ran into his arms staggeringly and burst out crying after coming back from to the temporary palace and sending away all the servants!

Even after more than a hundred days, the grievance and sorrow in her tears still left a great deal of heartache on him.

He sobbed, “So—I decide—to give her half of all my assets as her dowries and she can have it without getting married. The rest will be distributed to my four sons. You are the leader of my loyal servants. Today I’ve left my last words to you. You must step forward to announce my decision when my sons return to the hometown to hold the funeral for me!”

“Dad, I don’t want the dowries!” With her voice choked with weeping tears, Pei Yourui threw away the maids’ support and sprang at him, shouting hysterically, “I only want you to be well! I want nothing else but you! Dad, don’t leave me alone! I cannot live without you!”

“My daughter, you are 17 years old now and will turn 18 soon. Ordinary girls around your age already have children, but you are still not married!”

Pei He pulled back his hands from the Chief House Steward and put them on the back of his daughter’s hand, sobbing, “You were born when I was already old. Sadly, your mother passed away in your infancy! Back then, I even had grandchildren, so for the purpose of saving trouble, I haven’t remarried ever since. As such, you are never cared by a mother in your lifetime! And your youngest brother is even more than 10 years older than you. While they were working as officials outside the imperial capital, you were still young. Since you haven’t got along with your brothers and sisters-in-law, how close can you be to them?”

He recalled that when his youngest son was still with him, his daughter was only five or six years old. At that time, decked out beautifully, she always smiled at everyone. She was such a lovely child and his sole daughter. How could he not offer the best to her?

Unexpectedly, his love for the daughter made his youngest son and the daughter-in-law, who were adults already, harbor ill intention due to jealousy. Therefore, one winter, his youngest son’s wife deliberately enticed Pei Yourui to play water by the frozen pond verbally, hoping that she would fall into the pond. If Pei Yourui didn’t listen to Pei He’s words obediently, she would not live by far!

Even though Pei Yourui had spent several years with this brother and the sister-in-law, they could still do such an evil thing to her. Pei He believed that other sons and daughters-in-law would never treat her well either after he was dead!

He closed his eyes and said sorrowfully, “Moreover, not all your sisters-in-law were virtuous! With me as your backing, even though they dislike you, they will never dare to bully you! Now I am sorry that I cannot protect you anymore. You don’t have other seniors to back you up then. As an unmarried girl with no one to rely on, what should you do for the rest of your life?”

How he wished to live longer!

He didn’t fear the unknown world after death, nor did he unwilling to give up the wealth he had. What he wanted to do was to arrange his daughter’s future and make sure that his daughter wouldn’t be bullied for having no one to count on!

If possible, he would do whatever it took to exchange for this opportunity. Even if he was universally condemned or had no peace forever, he was willing to do it anyway!

However, the numbness in his chest and the increasing coldness just reminded him of the truth that he was dying!

“The only one thing that I can do for you is to leave the dowries as well as the Chief House Steward and other good servants for you. Promise me to live well! Marry a good man and have children with him. You must live a happy life and make me proud!”

Pei He suddenly shed tears, “I am sorry. I am so sorry! A hundred years ago, the Pei Family in Youzhou couldn’t be compared with the Su Family in Qingzhou and the Liu Family in Donghu, but our family was still a noble family. Back then the royal family was proud for conjugating marital relations with us. However, our family has got worse through each generation. If I could be capable enough to have great power in court like Jian Pingyu and Gu Shao, I would still leave lingering influence after retirement. In that case, even a descendant of royal families can never dare to insult you!”

“Even though I am inferior to Jian Pingyu and Gu Shao, I will be at least as potent as Jin Suke in the Ministry of Personnel or Qiu Shuxia in the Ministry of Rituals. If I were them, Princess Changxing would never dare to take away my future son-in-law for the prospect of Prince of Zhao, no matter how willful and shameless she was!”

“After all, it’s all my fault! Even though I was third-rank Grand Secretariat, I still cannot fight for my daughter’s marriage, making you disgraced and also laughed at by the folks in the imperial capital!”

Extremely emotional, Pei He shed tears with a grimace of pain, full of resentment for the princess’s taking away his daughter’s fiancé and deep guilt about his daughter. “I am so useless. I’ve failed you! Now that I am dying by the roadside, you will have to deal with the aftermath… I am sorry for you! I can never face your perished mother. I am not a good father or a good husband!”

“No!” With her eyes blurred by tears, Pei Yourui held her father’s shoulders and cried out, “Dad, I am sorry! You’ve given birth to me and brought me up. Moreover, you also regard me as treasure by agreeing to all my requests. Why are you sorry for me? I am the one without loyalty and filial piety, making you worried about me at such an old age! Now that you are even seriously injured, you still have to worry about my future. If only you didn’t have a daughter like me!”

After the engagement was broken, she turned from a daughter-in-law to a foster daughter of the Grand Princess.

The flattery and admiration were replaced by gossip. Pei Yourui always believed that it was her most painful experience and the hardest time for the lifetime. Never could she ever forget such insult and betrayal!

However, as she saw her father visibly wither and bleed constantly now, Pei Yourui felt bitterly remorseful and painful!

She cried hysterically, trying to stop the blood from his father’s nose and mouth with her hands. She wanted to keep her father longer, but it was still useless. Although her hands and sleeves were stained by blood, Pei He was still inevitably withering!

“It’s my fault!” Pei He shook his head with difficulty. Such a movement made him bleed even more. The blood spurt out of his mouth with hotness, which instantly froze after dripping on the sideburns. Constant loss of blood made him feel so extremely cold that even his pupils started to lose focus.

He opened his eyes and tried to see clearly his beloved daughter’s face at the last moment, but what he saw was only grey muddle. No matter how hard he tried, his voice was still so weak. “I have witnessed how the former princes fought for the throne. Back then, His Majesty was not that outstanding, so the officials mostly sided with the half-brothers of His Majesty. Yet, it was His Majesty who acquired the throne. None of those who took the wrong side ended well!”

“And your grandfather insisted neutrality. Even if he was isolated and threatened, he still refused to declare where he stood. In this way, he kept the family safe!”

However, things were different when Pei He was in charge of the Pei Family. “Your uncle didn’t have any children. Your brothers are merely average. Hence, I never expect them to bring glory for the family. It will be enough as long as the family assets can be kept!”

Under this circumstance, “Over these years, I have maintained a neutral stance and never ganged up for private interests. After all, given your brothers’ competence, they could only be local officials. Even if I fight too much for them, they cannot keep it and will incur disasters instead. Nevertheless, if I had known that you would suffer such grievance for that, I would never…”

A spurt of dark blood came out of his mouth and nose. After Pei He struggled for a while, his voice quickly weakened!

“Your uncle was Jian Limiao’s best friend. If you encounter any danger and you don’t want to ask your foster mother for help, you can turn to him. I regret not listening to his advice!”

On his deathbed, he said, “I’m so not reconciled…”

He just decided to let go of the past and bring his beloved little daughter back to the hometown to start a new life in the place where the Pei clan grew and flourished over the past generations.

However, his hope was still ringing in his ears, but he couldn’t fulfill his promise anymore. He could never select a husband for his daughter, see her get married or hear her children call him Grandfather. He even couldn’t bring his daughter into Youzhou City, where most of the residents were descendants of the Pei clan, or introduced her to the intrinsically related clansmen!

His sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren were distant and this place was 50 kilometers away from Youzhou. Pei Yourui had never been there before. It was a nominally native land which was actually a strange place wherein there were full of unfamiliar faces!

What should his beloved daughter do next? What kind of hardships would she face?

Such a beautiful young girl, who was not protected by her father or brothers, but had a great deal of fortune.

If someone coveted her, deceived her or threatened her…

With great attachment to his daughter, Pei He struggled for a while and finally took the last breath resentfully!

His eyes were fixed on his daughter, which just couldn’t be closed!

Pei Yourui watched in a daze his father’s face which gradually turned grey. His pale face with slightly open mouth was full of regret and reluctance.

The north wind whistled, as if weeping and complaining.

The heavy snow landed on her head with chilly coldness, which made her a snow sculpture within a short while.

However, Pei Yourui felt as if she were pressed into boiling oil. Her emotions just broke through the last rationality like a long-trapped beast escaping out of the cage, with overwhelming sorrow and grief just overflowing her mind like a flood bursting the highly-built dam!

“Dad, wake up!”

“Dad! Don’t leave me behind!”

“Dad, what should I do without you?”

“Dad! Don’t you want me?”

“Dad! Please! Wake up! Wake up! Dad, I can give up everything but I cannot lose you… I have nothing now. If you leave me alone, what can I live for? Dad… Dad…”

After a while, she sprang at her father as if wakening from a dream and then wailed hysterically. Sadly, the man who brought her up and cared about her for the past 16 years could never respond to her anymore.

It was the sixth day of the eleventh lunar month in the 20th year of the Xianjia Era.

Numerous people in the imperial capital all came out to look on the guards of honor for the wedding of Her Highness Princess Changxing.

This only daughter of the emperor and empress had extravagant dowries, which were carried by a huge team of people. The leading members of the team were in Princess Changxing’s mansion while the last ones were still not out of the imperial palace.

Curious and envious, the onlookers all looked up and down the solemn royal guards with dignified deportment in the snow, discussing about the winter snow signifying a year of good crops and the princess’s nobleness and honor.

On the same day, Pei He, the former Grand Secretariat of Hanlin Academy, passed away for an icicle piercing through his chest on the way back to his hometown after retirement because he tried to save his beloved daughter from the collapsing pavilion.

His eyes were still wide open upon death. Neither his daughter nor the servants could have his eyes closed.

In the end, people could only cover his face with a silk handkerchief temporarily.

At the same time, in Princess Changxing’s mansion, with large pots of eaglewood burning in the hall, mists went up just like sea of clouds. As groups of maids wearing colorful dresses walked through the mist, which seemed to constitute a fabulous fairyland.

Tens of beautiful girls were dancing and singing on the platform to the music, adding more joys to the jubilant night!

In the magnificent mansion, some were leaning against the chair and some were drinking happily. The guests were appreciating the snow through the glass window, and yet having a big feast indoors. However, none of the hosts or guests knew what was happening by the state highway 500 km away, where Pei Yourui, the disheveled girl with her head full of snow, was kneeling before her father’s corpse, kowtowing constantly.

The rustling snow suddenly turned heavier.

In the twilight, her face became as pale as the snow and yet her eyes were still as bright as the stars at cold nights.

This noble lady’s tender skin was rubbed by the frozen snowfield very soon. As a result, blood dripped from her forehead to her nose. The blood smelt so familiar and distinctive but Pei Yourui seemed not to notice it at all.

After thrice kneeling and nine times bowing, she finally got up staggeringly with the help of her maid.

It was hard to tell the direction at a snowy night, but she still found the direction of the imperial capital and seemingly heard the merry music hundreds of kilometers away in the whistling north wind.

After a long while, advised by Chief House Steward Pei, who staggered to her, she finally looked forward and said in a soft voice, “Dad, let’s go home. I’ll take you home!”